In Which I Single-Handedly Fix The World

If you're looking for something to do on this Monday morning, why not visit the Environmental Working Group's Skin Deep Database and look up some of the personal care products you use on your baby (or yourself, for that matter). Wipes, sunscreens, soaps... go ahead. If it doesn't terrify you, then you have nerves of steel, my friend.

Now, let's not jump into a discussion of whether Moms should or shouldn't let these health concerns get under their skin (pun intended!)... I'm not about passing judgement over parenting decisions. Unless of course I see you cruising down the road with your baby in your lap a la Britney Spears, in which case I reserve the right to call you a moron. Maybe even to your face. But definitely behind your back to my other Mommy friends.

My point is this: the market is CHOCK FULL of products, for babies and adults alike, that contain far too many seriously hazardous chemicals. We can try to ignore it and downplay it, but unfortunately it's a fact of life. Revolutions in chemistry have yielded an amazing array of different compounds that help to make our lives easier, from preservatives that keep our foods safe to detergents that keep our homes clean to components that make sunscreens easier to apply (in hopes that more people will wear sunscreen appropriately, thereby reducing the incidence of skin cancer - certainly a noble goal). Whatever the new-and-improve-ment, you can bet that there's a chemical component that was developed to make it possible, and that there was much rejoicing upon its discovery. Our lives have been chemicalized gradually, and probably with the best of intentions - usually to make some product easier to use, more pleasant, or otherwise "better".

Not all "chemicals" are toxic (just as not all "naturally derived" compounds are safe). I really hate the way that people toss around the term "chemical" in such a derogatory sense, given the fact that all of nature is composed of chemicals. EVERYTHING is chemical - you yourself are a vibrant pool of chemical reactions. It's the synthetic chemicals that we worry about, and again, not all synthetic chemicals are inherently harmful. Certainly, though, there's plenty to be concerned about. It seems that just about every class of consumable has its short list (or perhaps a long list, in many cases!) of concerning ingredients.

From the relatively recent spike in concern over (and research into) the safety of synthetic compounds that we use daily, particularly on the tiniest members of our society, has sprung a relatively small market of "naturally derived", "organic", and "(insert concerning chemical name)-free" products. This is a fabulous thing - capitalism at work. A new demand develops, and a supply springs up to fulfill the demand, opening up entrepreneurial opportunities and creating jobs and spurring scientific inquiry and bettering our society.

Slowly but surely a new market is developing, but for now it remains a market of "specialty products". This is where I perceive a huge problem. So long as these more natural, less toxic products remain a "specialty" they will remain exorbitantly priced, leaving concerned moms like myself to agonize over the financial commitment to "go green(er)". Families are always looking to save money on consumables that must be replenished regularly, making these less toxic products particularly difficult to afford.


Quick aside: it's obviously not just moms that are concerned. Human beings in general ought to be concerned about their own exposures. The smaller body mass of babies and young children, though, means higher exposure levels per pound and therefore closer-to-toxic levels of accumulation in their tissues. 


Enter: "Mommy Guilt". As if we don't judge ourselves (and each other) enough as it is - particularly given the biological imperative that we feel to care for and protect our families - we are now being dealt yet another thing that we "should really" do something about. But what if we just don't have the money? How do we make the choice to "be cheap" when it comes to the safety of our families? Should we be forced to cut corners in other areas so that we can afford products that our actually safe for our children to use?

Here's my solution: STEP IN, FDA!!! DO SOMETHING!!! If, as a society, we made the choice to value product safety above all else and held companies more strictly accountable, I believe that a positive chain reaction would ensue. Yes, it is more expensive to develop new products that use naturally-derived (and therefore more supply-limited) ingredients. However, if all producers were forced to eliminate cheap toxic ingredients and find safer alternatives, market competition would eventually drive down the cost. And even if production costs remained relatively high and product prices followed suit, if all of these products on the market got expensive, the general cost of living would be increased and in turn wages would be forced to increase. Inflation sucks, but  if it's relatively uniform across the board it could help us all to afford to use safer products in our homes.

Of course, I'm no business woman. I'm not an economist, either. I'm sure that my skeleton "plan" is full of flaws. But I can't help but feel that this is, like many societal issues, a matter of values. If we made safety a top priority at the highest levels of society, things would change. This isn't a matter of government controlling our lives and forcing us to use "organic" products - it's a matter of government doing its job as a protector of the public. We rely on expert institutions like the FDA to do their due diligence, so that we don't have to become chemists in order to make safe choices at the supermarket. Remove these toxic ingredients from the shelves and big business might take a temporary hit, but big business can handle a right hook much better than my baby's immune system can handle formaldehyde. I'm SO tired of encouraging our government to protect big business at the expense of generations to come.

Rash Wars

Ugh. My baby has been RASHY for months. They come, they go, they flare up, they calm down. Sometimes they're scaly and dry, sometimes they're a little inflamed and red. They show up mostly on the backs of his arms and shoulders, the backs and sides of his upper thighs, and all across his back. Of course we've consulted the pediatrician (at his 6-month check-up, shortly after all this rash business started), and we were given hydrocortisone cream and advised to use it for only a few days at a time since it is a steroid cream and prolonged exposure has negative side effects. I spent weeks cycling him on and off of it - it would clear up in two or three days, we'd stop the cortisone, and it would come right back within two or three days. That just isn't a regimen that we can continue - it's not a great idea for him to be on a steroid cream constantly, with only a few days' break at a time, and we're not doing that forever - it's just not a solution.

I got some Aveeno Baby Eczema Therapy cream, which has done a great job of keeping his skin nice and moisturized but hasn't eliminated the rashes. We apply it daily after bath time, and sometimes we'll apply a little more directly to the rashes during the day if they're looking dry and scaly. Using the Aveeno at least makes me feel like I'm doing something to help keep the rashes from bothering him, but I WANT THEM GONE, dangit! The good news is that he rarely ever seems bothered by them. I never see him trying to scratch or rub at them, with the exception of a spot at the base of his head that occasionally flares up - I have seen him scratch at that once or twice.

I have considered a variety of sources. First of all, is he just a kid who is going to have problems with eczema? Well, I hope not, but it's certainly a possibility. It may be that there's no environmental trigger - he just has dry skin problems. I don't like that answer, so I'm not stopping there. Contact dermatitis from a detergent or fabric softener? Haven't changed detergents (we use Target's brand of Dreft on his clothes and A&H Free on ours), and I stopped using fabric softener on his clothes a few weeks ago. Now, which of his clothes have been washed with and without fabric softener? Am I going to re-wash ALL of his clothes without, so that I know for sure? If I was even remotely convinced that that was the cause, I would, but I truly don't think it is. I feel like these rashes would be all over him if it was something in his clothes. Not to mention the fact that they're the worst in areas that his clothes don't cover right now, like the backs of his arms down to his elbows (he has been wearing mostly sleeveless and short sleeve shirts for weeks now). I'm more concerned with a food allergy. When this started, he'd had rice cereal, oatmeal cereal, bananas, apples, pears, sweet potatoes and squash. That's my list of concerning foods. He has been off of rice cereal since about 6 months when we switched to oatmeal, so I'm not worried about the rice. I have eliminated pears for over a week, squash for over a week and bananas for about a month, all with no change. So I still have sweet potatoes and apples to try eliminating, but I decided that oatmeal was more likely to be the problem. We've been on rice cereal since Saturday, and I believe we're beginning to see some improvement (!) Here's hoping!

Now, if it was the oatmeal, what does that mean? The box says "may contain traces of wheat", so is it really a wheat allergy problem? Is it gluten? Dear GOD I hope not. Of course I'll do whatever needs to be done as far as feeding my son - if we have to go gluten free, then so be it - I just don't want that for him. I don't want him to have to deal with that! Isn't the whole "one kidney" thing enough? Honestly. But then again, I'm probably getting ahead of myself. It's just a rash at this point. It may not be gluten, and even if it is, perhaps he'll grow out of it. And then again, maybe it isn't a food allergy at all. He doesn't seem to have any internal symptoms. He hasn't had any tummy troubles or gas issues to my knowledge, and has normal stools (of varying color and consistency of course, but never any diarrhea or constipation or particularly dark stools). A gluten intolerance seems unlikely in the absence of internal symptoms. If it is a food allergy it's certainly a mild one, given that the rash seems to be the lone symptom.

If it turns out that eliminating the oatmeal clears it up, I suppose I'll just have to dig deeper into oat and gluten allergies, consult the pediatrician, and try to figure out just how far we should go in terms of avoiding certain ingredients, or when it would be safe to try re-introducing them if it's at all likely that he'll outgrow it. The next question becomes, do I need to change my diet? The knee-jerk answer would be "Of course!", but I've studied enough biochemistry to know that gluten is a big ol' honkin' protein that very well may not pass into breast milk. I would imagine that only the smaller peptide building blocks of gluten would find their way into breast milk, and even then probably only in small quantities. I'll have to look further into this. I have no qualms about adjusting my diet if the need arises - continuing to breastfeed is my priority - but I'd like to be sure that it's necessary before taking that dive!

At any rate, that's what's on my mind these days... always "working on" something! Perhaps next time I'll delve into what's going on in the less baby-centric corners of my life (before those little corners disappear altogether! HA!)... like my new car, or preparing to return to medical school, or household projects... Gee, maybe I do still have a life ;-)

Our Lil' Wild Man

Thanks to my sister-in-law (better known throughout the blogosphere as The Luckiest), I realized this morning that I have failed to post about our wee man's exciting developments of late! I should qualify... probably only exciting to me and a select few grandmothers and aunts, and perhaps a few baby-fevered girlfriends ;-) At any rate, for the benefit of all interested parties, I'll proceed. Stick around if you want to ;-)

There are only so many dimensions to the life of a seven-and-a-half-month-old, and sleeping and eating still dominate our routine. He's still sleeping like a champ, usually at least 11 hours at night with two naps a day (of varying length, though they almost always total 3-4 hours). No complaints there!

His favorite foods include oatmeal, peas, apples, and sweet potatoes, and he doesn't mind making a complete mess with them ;-) Still not diggin' the avocados, though! We've also been practicing with a transitional sippy cup in hopes that he'll eventually take milk from it at day care. He generally treats it like a chew toy, but he's gradually getting the hang of it! His favorite part of meal time, though, may be the face-wiping that comes at the end. He loves nothing more than to have something pulled over his face, so we always play with the damp paper towel for a few minutes before the clean-up operation commences. I really need to post some video of this... it's pretty hysterical. I don't know that I've ever seen him get more amped up over anything else!

Given his love of the tub, it isn't terribly surprising that he totally digs the kiddie pool as well! He spent probably two hours happily splashing around and chewing on pool toys at Ben's family's Memorial Day cookout :-) We can't wait to spend a long weekend with our great friends, soon-to-be-newlyweds Joe & Tiffany, at the beach in July... I bet he'll LOVE their big pool, though I'm not so sure about the "BIG" pool (that is, the Atlantic)!

 Eli is becoming more and more interactive with his cousins and is simply fascinated by other little people like him. We've always looked forward to seeing him play with his many small cousins (of which there are 6, plus a 7th arriving in August!), so we're really enjoying his development into a little social being! 

Along those same lines, he always prefers to be playing interactively with Mommy and Daddy. He will self-entertain for a short while if need be, but he loves to play simple toy-less games (even if it's just sitting in a laundry basket) with us. He LOVES peek-a-boo and being startled... unless it's a little too close to bedtime. Daddy has been burned once or twice trying to play-scare him when he's a little too fragile!

My little running buddy also LOVES to be outside in the stroller! Even just sitting out on the deck or front stoop for a few minutes can completed change his tune if he's being fussy. Daddy got us a jogging stroller for Mothers' Day and we've really been enjoying it. Being able to go out for a run whenever the mood strikes has been wonderful. I've always found it more difficult to stay motivated if there's a specific time that I "have to" work out because it's my only free time. Sometimes you just want to relax in your free time! Not to mention I have more time to start dreading it if it's a scheduled thing, versus a spur-of-the-moment thing. This way we can go out for a run right after I've just had a 2-hour nap time to relax, regroup, get a few things done around the house... whatever might have kept me from using that time to work out. And now that I have the jogging stroller, I feel more motivated to use our outdoor time to run (versus just going out for a leisurely stroll) - if I'm gonna get him all sunscreened-up and get the stroller out, I might as well work on my post-baby physique while I'm at it!

While we're still many months away from speech, our beautiful boy is starting to pick up some consonant sounds. Funny as it sounds, he stared with "vuh" - I think that it was a stepping stone on the way to "buh" since the latter requires a little more lip control than the former. Though he can certainly make an "m" sound (and uses it most frequently as a lower-pitched way to whine!), I'm still trying to coax out a "mama" ;-) We've started signing with him and hope to see him signing back within the next two months or so. We use "eat" and "all done" most frequently, but I try to work in the signs for "play", "diaper", "more" and "sleep" as often as they come up in conversation. The goal is to give him signs that he can use to express his needs/desires once he gets the hang of it, to reduce frustration and give him a head start in communicating with us. We also use the sign for "cat" a lot, as he is quite taken with our two kitties and is always looking around for them!

As far as developmental milestones go, he stands quite stably with very little help and loves to stand at the coffee table and slap it to death! He is also starting to rock back and forth on his hands and knees, so I'm mentally preparing myself to have a mobile baby in the not-too-distant future... 

(Video to come... working out the Blogger kinks!)

He's scooting around on his butt some, though I don't think it's exactly "intentional" at this point - I think it's just a result of leaning and reaching around for toys. In the same way, he scoots backward on his belly incidentally while trying to get up onto his knees (they usually just slide out from under him and the result is that he moves backward). All of this "incidental" movement can carry him quite a distance, though - gone are the days when I could put him down and expect to find him in the same place a few minutes later! I'm in trouble once he realizes that he can move around at his own command.

Well, that about sums up the goings on in the life of our silly little charmer! His developing personality has us falling deeper in love every day :-) As much as you wish that they could stay tiny forever, it's so true what other moms tell you... that each stage brings its own incredible new joys to behold! 

On Moving Forward

I know that I want to become a doctor. It's a calling that I feel deep-down-inside. In my clearest moments, I'm certain that medicine is where I belong.

When I'm rocking my baby to sleep at night, things get blurry (which may be due in part to the fact that I get all teary-eyed at least 60% of the time). He's sleepily nursing away, occasionally raising a chubby little fist to rub his eyes, then allowing that pudgy-soft arm to flop lazily across his face as he gradually surrenders to sleep. To my surprise he suddenly pulls away, eyes half-open, to stare lovingly at his mama. A sheepish half-grin spreads across his face, but he doesn't get overly excited. There's no wiggling or arm-flapping, just peaceful contentment and a hole-boring, unblinking stare. I smile back, and his grin widens. We remain locked in this stare for as long as he'll hold it, and I whisper to him that I love him, that I wish I never had to leave him, that he's the most special little creature on the planet. His blinking - though infrequent - gradually becomes heavier, but so long as those enchanting hazel eyes are open they're locked on mine. Before long he slips off to sleep, for real this time. I linger in the rocking chair a little longer just to listen to his breath and lightly trace his soft, plump cheeks. The moment couldn't be any more perfect. He couldn't be any more perfect.

Becoming a mother permanently alters your perspective on the rest of life - those other "hats" that you wear. I am a firm believer that the "Wife" hat must sit at the right hand of the "Mommy" hat - that the two roles must not only be equally valued and prioritized, but also indivisibly intertwined. All the other hats, though, quickly shrink into the background. "Doctor" is a hat that I'm looking forward to wearing one day, but it simply doesn't measure up. I know that there will be a kind of fulfillment to be found in serving others as a physician, and that it will be an enriching new dimension to my life, but the pure joy that I find in being a wife and mother will always remain unrivaled - of that I am convinced.

As I move forward into this new and largely uncharted territory, I just have to allow myself to be sad. I'm letting go of stay-at-home-motherhood, and that hurts. I need to cry about it, to complain about it, and to occasionally hatch convoluted schemes for escaping it. I'm going to love being a doctor, but sometimes I'm going to truly hate the road I must travel to get there. Just like everybody else who has traveled that road before me. Just like everybody else who has had to leave their baby to return to work or school or whatever life requires of them. The transition will be hard - really hard - but we will eventually settle into our new routine. It won't always feel this way. There will be occasional pangs of sadness and guilt, but only occasionally ;-) My life will be what I make of it - I'm driving this train! I don't need to fear the future because the path I'm on is opening doors for me, not closing them. I'm creating opportunities for myself and for my family. It may not always feel like it's all good, but it is. It's all good.

For now, I'm gonna go revel in the joys of stay-at-home-motherhood while I have it, and try to look forward to the exciting new opportunities that God has in store for our family. The unknown is always a little scary, but knowing that God is in control sure does take the edge off ;-)