The Back-to-School House of Horrors

School has begun. And I'm already skipping. HA! I have laziness issues. I'm gonna be such a frickin' fantastic doctor.

Yesterday was my first day back, and it went essentially as expected. Lots of rambling from our ICM (Introduction to Clinical Medicine) instructor, who only gets a captive audience a few days out of the school year and so therefore uses every moment afforded her to tell stories, run far past her time limit, and use all weapons in her arsenal to make us squirm as violently and often as possible. She ran 30 MINUTES OVER yesterday, while the first year class waited outside the lecture hall for 30 MINUTES for us to finish so that we could get together for our big sib/little sib meet and greet. And the subject matter did NOT warrant a ninety minute address, let me assure you... the bullet points of our first-day-back-itinerary were as follows:

• The Gyn Exam
• The Speculum Exam
• The Pelvic Exam
• Taking a pap smear
• Identifying various types of sores, growths, varicosities and discharge associated with various and sundry vaginal infections (complete with detailed photo tour, of course)
• The male genital exam
• The prostate exam
• The digital rectal exam
• Various horrifying photos of gangrenous and otherwise infected male genitalia

You get the picture. Not the kind of material you're hoping the lecturer will spend an extra 30 MINUTES on. So after all that mess, we finally got to meet our "littles" (as second-years we are paired up with one or two first-years to serve in a "mentoring" role - answer burning questions, give sage advice, lend out textbooks, etc). Mine seems to be a very sweet girl, and I'm sure we'll get along fine. We also had a social event yesterday evening to spend some more time with our littles (at a karaoke bar, of course), but I only saw her there briefly. I wandered around meeting some other first-years and answering THE burning questions: How hard is it? How do you study? How do you survive? Of course, as you well know, I have no idea how to answer these questions, but I did my best! Their class seems pretty fun-loving and laid back like our class (previous classes have not been so friendly... at least that's the word on the street), so I think (hope) we'll all get along pretty well and have a relatively good relationship. 

So why am I staying home today, you ask...? (as if I ever need a real "reason" in order to convince myself to sit it out for a day...) Basically I got very little sleep and woke up feeling like hell, then realized I overslept my first lecture, and then noticed that it was pouring rain. Long story short... it's a no for me. We just have ICM lectures again today anyway (translation: material that I will never be tested on specifically), and of course I can watch them online later. So I said, "forget it." And so here I am, chatting it up with YOU! Win-win for everyone, if you ask me. I promise I'll go to school tomorrow - that'll be my first day of "real" lectures, and my future patients deserve at least that much dedication ;]

PANIC. And Taking the Plunge.

When will the recurring panic attacks end?! I use the term "panic attack" very loosely - I'm not having a physical episode by any means - but I'm getting SO tired of freaking out about my life. I'm sure you're all getting tired of hearing about it, too! But then again, you choose to subject yourselves to my blog... I guess you're free to leave at any time!

I'm finally reaching that point of no return that I've mentioned before - my second year of medical school. Financially, this is the final big plunge. If I accept these loans and move forward, I'm stuck with this for life. It's a pretty big leap, making this kind of commitment. It feels different from most other jobs... it's more like getting married. Once you're in it, you're essentially in it for life, and if you want to get out of it, doing so is incredibly expensive (just like many divorces). I can't try it out for a few years and see how I like it, and then try something else if it doesn't go so well. In order to make my student loan payments, I will be forced to stick with this job at least until they're paid off (and we're talking a decade or two, people). And by the time they're paid off, my kids will be grown and I will have missed that time that I'm most concerned about my job interefering with anyway.

Sure, I'll have options within the medical profession... sorta. It's not like you can just skip around to different specialties. Once you've finally completed medical school and several years of hellatious residency (too many hours and too little pay) and passed your specialty Boards and are making a "real" salary, are you REALLY going to be financially able (or want) to go back through another residency?! And then study for (and pay for) more Board exams to get certified all over again? I could do a fellowship to subspecialize in something that interests me particularly, but even then I'm limited to the subspecialties within my specialty. And for me, it's really not about having options within the field - I'm not even making that specialty plunge yet and I still have a few years before I have to make that choice. My fears are about this profession in general - about what it will do to my family life. We've had this conversation before.

I still feel incredibly unsure. More than I let on in real life. It's quite terrifying. I start my second year in a few days, and there is a deadline (the date of which I'm not sure of) beyond which I can't return any of my loan money. This semester's loans put my student loan total beyond the limit at which I'd expect to be able to make payments on a more modest salary. After this semester, I'm gonna need "the big bucks" to dig out of this hole. So, you see, this is where the rubber meets the road for me. And this is why my fears and anxieties are popping up fresh in my mind. "Are you sure, Jenna?" "...Are you sure you're sure?"

I do a lot of thinking about the grand scheme. I think it's important to maintain perspective, particularly when you're a worrier like me. On the one hand, it helps me to think about the fact that 10 years from now I'll be well into my career and looking back on all this angst and chuckling to myself. On the other hand, I wonder if 40 years from now I'll be looking back on my grown children's lives and wondering if my career was worth the sacrifice. I just don't know what this career choice will bring, and when it comes to my family, that unknown is almost unbearably terrifying. I'm not even a mother yet, but I already feel as if it's the most important job I'll ever have, and it's a job I'm simply not willing to fail at. Sure, I probably won't be a complete failure, but even the idea of not being the best mommy in the whole wide world (at least in the eyes of my own children) breaks my heart. Not to mention my role as a wife. I take that very, very seriously and I can't bear the thought of neglecting that duty either.

We all go through times in our lives where we neglect certain responsibilities when others have to take priority, and that's ok - I just don't want that kind of neglect to end up defining a large chunk of my life. I'm ok with having to devote myself to this endeavor (becoming a doctor) in a rather unbalanced manner for a time, but how long does that last? Once I become a doctor and all the training is over, what will my life look like? It's just hard not to fear the worst when you're thinking about a career as a doctor. All you ever hear about are the horror stories.

Toward the end of our White Coat Ceremony last fall one of the attending physicians from our emergency department, Dr. Rogers, spoke briefly. The recurring theme of his 10-minute schpeel was simply this: Spend time with your family. He spoke about making what you want out of your career, and not letting your career force you into a lifestyle that isn't what you really wanted. He said (more or less) "When your medical career is over, and all you have left is your family, you'll be glad you nurtured it and it's still there for you to enjoy." I have to constantly remind myself of that speech. Even as the specific words he used begin to fade (as I fill that space with medical factoids), I keep reminding myself of the overall theme. If a guy who has lived through my 10-years-from-now scenario and has a family is able to say that, then there's no reason why I won't be able to get what I want out of this life I'm choosing. Finding the balance just seems like such an overwhelming task... but the other thing I have to remember is that God is in this with me. His will for my life does not include being a neglectful wife and mother. If I have to take lower-paying positions in order to be there for my family, He'll provide for the rest. If I have to find the courage to say no to my boss when my hours get too heavy, God will provide for that too. It just scares the hell out of me, that's all.

I guess that's what this season of life is about. Making life-changing decisions, taking scary plunges, and learning to trust God in more profound ways, with progressively bigger and more important aspects of ones life. It's pretty easy to be a Christian in the protective cocoon of childhood, but I've found that my faith didn't really come alive and evolve into a concrete part of my life until I started making my own decisions. Suddenly, you need guidance that no finite mind can possibly provide. Moms and best friends are great for advice, but I'm looking for someone who knows my future, knows where I'm headed and knows how to get me there in one piece. Without that kind of assurance I don't know how I'd ever manage the panic, or how I'd ever be able to let go and take this plunge.

...but here we go...

Clinging to the Wagon

So far we've managed to avoid falling off the eat-better-and-exercise wagon - it's been about two weeks. I have no idea how it's going (at least not in a quantifiable sense) because I refuse to weigh myself that often. It's downright demoralizing. Finding out that I haven't lost any weight despite my efforts tends to very quickly evolve into an excuse for me to do a tuck-and-roll off the moving wagon, directly into a pile of oreo cookies.

We've both been counting calories. I can't tell you what Ben's limit has been, except that he told me he tries to keep it around 1500 for the day. Which I've told him, time and again, is ludicrous for any man (much less a 6'3" man), but he doesn't listen to me so I guess he'll just starve and lose copious amounts of weight. And pass out on the treadmill at some point and make a scene at the gym. And I'll be there standing over him when he comes to with "I told you so" written all over my face. And I'll help him up, of course.

1500 is my absolute upper limit for the day, but I try to keep it around 1300. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I'm hungry all the time. It helps that I'm still at work during the day (for now... and tomorrow... and that's it) because that means I only have access to the food that I brought for lunch. I can control that in the morning when I pack my lunch and am not yet crazed with hunger. I haven't really been eating breakfast (I know it's bad, but anything substantial adds too many calories and makes my life more difficult. I'd rather be hungry), I just drink my coffee with a measured amount of skinny caramel macchiato creamer (International Delight). It only has 30 calories per serving :] AND it's very good. SCORE! Then I don't eat anything til lunch, at which point I usually eat 300-350 calories. Here are some of my lunchtime/snack time staples:

• Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers. SO good, very modest on the calories, lots of protein to keep you (reasonably) full, and NOT full of sodium like most frozen meals.
• Morning Star Black Bean Burgers. Don't knock a black bean burger til you've tried one, folks. It DOES NOT taste like a hamburger, so don't don't go into it with that expectation - it's just good in it's own right. I add a little onion, shredded fat free cheddar and BBQ sauce and eat it on Arnold's Sandwich Thins bread (100 calories for both slices, and perfect sandwich size) - it's about a 300 calorie sandwich but it's chock full of protein and keeps me feeling full all afternoon. It's actually quite impressive.
• Sargento reduced fat colby jack cheese sticks. These DO NOT taste like reduced fat cheese - seriously. They aren't cheap either, but it's worth it not to have to sacrifice taste. 60 calories a stick.
• Fruit snacks. Like a small child, I too enjoy their gummy goodness. 80 calories a pack (the Target brand tropical fruit kind), and made with real fruit juice and vitamin C. These are just to satisfy my need for sugar, from time to time.
• 100-calorie pack snacks. Cheez-its, Goldfish, Craisins... whatever you like.
• Motts Healthy Harvest applesauce, no sugar added. No sugar added means fewer calories - 50 calories per pack. And deeeelish! I like the granny smith apple kind, but they make other fruit-flavored varieties as well (peach, strawberry, etc).
• Edamame (soy bean pods). Pop a steam-friendly bag of frozen edamame in the microwave for 5 minutes, drain, add lots of sea salt, and you've got yourself and healthy and protein-full snack my friend. I LOVE these. 110 calories per serving, which is just right for a snack between lunch and dinner.
• Baked Tostitos Scoops (120 calories/serving) and Salsa. The bulk of the calories comes from the chips, so limiting those is key. Put one serving's worth in a bowl, close up the bag and PUT IT AWAY. DO NOT, under any circumstances, take the bag with you out of the kitchen. Most salsas are pretty low-cal, so you can safely enjoy a good bit of salsa with your finite number of chips and keep this snack around 150-160 calories.
• Fruit. Never underestimate the power of fruit. It's a tasty treat when you're trying not to eat anything too delicious - it makes you feel like you're getting away with something ;] A medium-sized peach? 38 calories. Medium-sized apple? 72 calories. A cup of raspberries? 64 calories. Sometimes I'm REALLY bad and I put peanut butter on my apple slices. That about covers my snack calorie allowance for the day!
• SMOOTHIES. Pure joy in a glass. And a straw is a must, for the complete experience. I make them using frozen strawberries and blueberries, a banana, low fat french vanilla yogurt, Silk Light soymilk (Vanilla flavor) and Splenda. And you honestly wouldn't know there was anything low-calorie about it. I can't give you an exact recipe because I've never measured it out, but by my estimation a 10 oz smoothie comes out to about 135 calories. Perfect after the gym!

Anyway, those are just a few low-calorie suggestions that I've enjoyed, for anyone who's looking for some healthier lunches and snacks. I try not to eat anything between lunch and dinner, but sometimes I'm just starving, at which point I turn to one of the aforementioned go-to low-cal snacks. For dinner, I usually make a lean meat (boneless skinless chicken breast, salmon or tilapia - we basically cycle through them with some ground chicken tacos thrown in every so often for variety!), a whole grain starch, and a vegetable. Rice-a-roni and Uncle Ben's Ready Rice (the microwaveable pouches - ready in 90 seconds!) make a few whole grain varieties, and there's always whole grain pasta. And StoveTop actually isn't too bad on calories, surprisingly enough! Anyway, if I make pasta it's because I have a sauce to go with it, or I toss it with some olive oil and briefly simmered garlic and onions or something for flavor. Speaking of sauces, Ragu makes a Healthy Heart version of their tomato & basil spaghetti sauce that's 50 calories per serving and tastes just like any other spaghetti sauce if you ask me. You can add ground chicken or meatless "ground beef" (Boca's meatless crumbles are better than Morning Star's, IMHO) to bulk it up as well. If you don't tell the hubs, he most likely won't notice. The texture may give it away, but if your hubby eats fast, he won't notice any difference in taste!

Sometimes I make my own garlic bread to go with a pasta dinner too. It only takes an extra 5 minutes. The bread is the key - Arnold's Sandwich Thins again (I use the regular whole wheat kind but there's a multi-grain, a honey wheat... whatever you want). I chop the garlic and microwave it with some butter for 30 seconds (I use Smart Balance), then spoon the garlic-butter combo over the bread and top it with parsley and toast it in the toaster oven for a few minutes. Ben LOVES it. Pepperidge Farm Texas Toast (which I used to get) has 150 calories per slice - mine has about 90 and is BETTER. So there.

Back to the tacos I mentioned before... I really love ground chicken tacos. I tried ground turkey for a while, but the chicken is much tastier I must say. I use reduced fat shredded mexican cheese (you'll never notice a difference when it's mixed into a taco, I promise you), light sour cream (again, you won't notice) and whole wheat tortillas. And of course your standard chopped tomatoes and shredded lettuce. I've never tallied it up and it probably still isn't all that low-cal, but it's an attempt at healthier tacos so I'm all for it. I love mexican food, calories be damned. I just haven't made them since I've been counting calories so I have yet to be forced to total it up and face the music. We also discovered making our own lower calorie pizza and while ago. We make it at home - takes all of 15 minutes - and split it for dinner. Whole wheat crust, a mixture of reduced fat and fat free mozzarella (straight fat free won't melt right), that healthy heart ragu sauce I mentioned earlier, and turkey pepperoni. Plus you can load it up with whatever veggies you like. With the particular ingredients I used, half of a 12" pizza came out to about 450 calories. Not bad for a dinner! Half of a Domino's 12" pepperoni pizza is 860 calories! Madness.

So that's how the calorie counting is going. It's often an imperfect science, but the overall impact is the same whether you're spot-on in your estimations or not. You can't help but limit your eating and make healthier choices, and that can't hurt, right? We shall see, I suppose. We shall see.

In a Pickle.

Literally... that's me. In a pickle suit.

jk! I'm not that tall, silly. Nor do I have man-hands. Nor do I wear middle-aged-dude white sneaks. But I AM writing to discuss a pickle I find myself in. Or, that I WILL find myself in eventually. I started thinking about it on Wednesday evening during a related conversation with my SIL Emily - the one with the super-adorable 3-month-old... OH OK stop twisting my arm, I'll toss out a photo for you...

Carsen, 14 wks... LOVE <3

And anyway, ever since I started thinking about it on Wednesday, my worrying mind just won't drop it. Thanks, Em. Thanks a lot ;] So here's the general gist of my conundrum.... child care. YES yes I know, it's just plain dumb for me to fret about this at the moment. But good luck telling that to my frontal cortex. It's already swirling with baby thoughts all the time anyway, so throw something baby-related at it to worry about and then try to stop it from worrying. HA! Good luck to you. Let me know how it works out for you, 'cause I gave up.

I won't even start in on the topic of whether and when I'll ever be able to stomach leaving my child with ANYONE AT ALL, let alone at a daycare, because I am well aware that I won't even BEGIN to understand how I'm going to feel about that until I've held my baby in my arms for real. But let's say, for the sake of argument, that I am in fact going to continue on with my training/career after having my first child (as opposed to abruptly quitting and staying home to have babies forever, which also sounds DELICIOUSLY appealing to me most of the time). What are my options?

That depends on the timing, and where I find myself along my educational path when that blessed day arrives. Without disclosing any of my many top secret baby schemes, let me just say that if you think I'm waiting til I'm out of residency or something to have my first child, you've lost your ever-lovin' mind, my friend. There's simply no way that's happening, short of divine intervention. And people do this ALL the time, and I've met them and spoken with them on the subject, so don't tell me I'm crazy. All that said, chances are I'll be operating within a rather strict educational timeline when our first comes along. I forsee two options being offered to me - I can take a standard maternity leave, 8-12 weeks, or take the entire year off. Of course a year sounds fabulous to me, but I also like having a roof over my head, and modern conveniences like electricity and clothing. Not only would my student loan/residency stipend income be cut off for that year, but my accrued loans would most likely also come due - they're only deferred while I'm in training (ie. enrolled in school at least part time or in a residency program, and even then they're only deferred if we're poor enough). And we can't live on Ben's salary alone as it is, much less with several hundred dollars worth of loan payments per month. So, alas, I believe that's out.

That leaves me with a standard maternity leave situation, followed by... GASP... going back to whatever it is I was doing (long hours regardless of where I am) and LEAVING MY BABY all day. The thought already makes my stomach turn, quite literally, so I really can't imagine how I'll feel when there's actually a real child in the picture. I look at Carsen, my 14-week old niece, and I just can't imagine her parting from her mother TWO WEEKS AGO. I know that people do it, but how?! I guess babies adjust to their new situation with time, but I also think that there really is a time that a baby is ready to be separated from his or her mother, and from what I've seen of babies, 12 weeks probably isn't even close to that time. If you've encountered this situation in your own life, PLEASE tell me about it and make me feel better. I know that thousands of babies live through it and come out just fine, but I just can't wrap my mind around it.

So anyway, all that angst about leaving my child (at all) aside, where do I leave my child, if I must leave my child? Any relatives we have that would be available to watch him or her live too far away. We could move closer to someone, but in any of those cases, Ben's commute becomes over an hour (and that's without traffic). Maybe he'll be more willing to make the extra drive when it's his baby, but he maintains that he's not doing it, and I honestly don't want to make him do that either. I don't like the idea of him wasting two hours a day, 10 hours a week, 40 hours a month of his life in the car commuting, ESPECIALLY when we have a new baby to spend time with. Not to mention the gas and the mileage on the car. There has to be a better solution.

Which leaves us with leaving our child with someone in the area, or near Ben's work (I suspect that my hours will not be convenient to normal daycare hours, so me doing the dropping off and picking up is probably not a possibility). Of course if we were loaded we could just hire a nanny, but (a) that's not the case, and (b) as my astute SIL pointed out, that's the most unregulated situation you can possibly leave your child in. Unless you want to put up cameras and spend all your free time watching the tapes, you'll never know what goes on unless you find a mark on your child. There's no one else in and out, no one watching, no one to be held accountable to. At least at a Kindercare or a Goddard you have parents in and out, windows everywhere, multiple adults all over the place... caregivers are never in a situation where they're truly alone with your child, where no one else could walk by at any moment and see them. Plus those places are very tightly regulated (much more so than private daycares) and inspected frequently.

BUT those places are also HELLA pricey. Not that I plan to be a cheap-ass about my child's safety, but if the money ain't there, the money ain't there. I honestly don't know how ANYONE (particularly people with multiple children) afford that kind of child care. It turns my stomach to think that I'm paying out all that money to put my child in a less-than-ideal environment, when I could give them the best possible care in the world MYSELF, for free. Well, not completely for free... at the cost of my entire financial contribution to this household. Which we simply cannot afford to lose, at least not at this particular point in time... and I don't see Ben's salary increasing so dramatically as to make that possible any time in the near future. Especially since he did just get a pay increase, which assures me that we won't see another one for YEARS (at least as long as he's at his current job). We'll be living much more comfortably with this increase - comfortable enough that I finally feel comfortable with the idea of adding to our family - but not comfortably enough to shell out a G a month for infant daycare.

So where does that leave me? Screwed until I make a doctor's salary? REALLY?! How do people afford to have kids EVER?! It makes me want to scream. Or cry. Or both. Here's how I maintain any sense of hope surrounding the situation...

• God DOES provide - I've seen it over and over in our families and others - and if it's His timing, the pieces WILL fall into place. Ben will get a promotion or a new job, some affordable child care opportunity will present itself, my mom will suddenly retire and move to White Marsh to watch my kids... something along these lines ;]

• There has been talk of my church opening up a daycare, which would be amazing. We'd just have to hope it was affordable. But based on their school tuition rates, which seem quite affordable from a monthly perspective, I can't imagine it would be too bad. 

• Also speaking of our church, I BET YOU at a church that size (several thousand members), there's more than one mom who has a home daycare. That would definitely be worth looking into, and I'd feel much more comfortable leaving my child with someone I know from church. And our church is on Ben's way to work, so chances are there would be a home daycare that was convenient enough to his commute.

• I do have a few tricks up my sleeve in the case that we decide that my taking a year off would be best for our family... tricks that keep me technically involved in a training program for loan paperwork purposes, to keep my loan payments out of the picture. That still leaves us without any income from me for the better part of a year, but it's a start. Who knows what else will be going on when this situation finally becomes a reality and we're forced to figure it out.

So those are my thoughts. Anyone have any ideas or words of encouragement for me?! Please?! Unless you're going to tell me that I'm doomed and just won't be able to have children for another 6 or 7 years, I'd love to hear your thoughts ;]

Ocean City Pics

As promised...

Leo (5yrs) playing in the water

...and Evan (2 1/2) with a face full of sand. He preferred the sand to the water.

Cara bear (7 mos) hanging out with Nana

Lacy (11 yrs) and I

Family Photo! Lacy, Leo, Nana (my MIL), Amberly, Evan and Caraline

Uncle Ben playing Leo's favorite game...

Lacy, Leo, Amberly & I at mini golf

Cutie Patootie

Back out on the beach again

Ben body boarding (HIS favorite game)

My handsome man ;]

Catch-Up

Welp, I ran out of work very early today, so that makes this your very lucky day! I'm looking for something to fill the minutes until I've reached the point at which I can be comfortable bugging out early for the weekend, so here I am. I thought I'd try to recap the month of July, since that seems to have been my giant blog FAIL for the summer.

For one thing, my dearest college friends came down to Baltimore for a weekend visit. It was SO so wonderful to see them again. My friends Janelle and Karsten both live in the Baltimore area as well, so the others came down from Connecticut (Zach), NJ (Dave) and Philly (Mike & his gf Amy), and up from NC (Matt) to meet up and enjoy some college-style shenanigans with us. We didn't get into much - mostly just hanging out at our apartments and drinking beer and catching up and BSing like the good ol' days. DAMN do I miss college. But apparently I was having some sort of out-of-body experience that weekend, or had temporarily lost my friggin' mind, because I didn't take a SINGLE PHOTO. Which is SO unlike me. So there's another big fat FAIL for ya.

We also went to Ocean City with Ben's sister Amberly (+ her hubby and 4 kids) and my MIL. We only stayed for half the week (her in-laws came for the second half), but we really enjoyed our time there. We hadn't been on vacation with the boys at all, and the last time we all went to the beach together Lace was like, 3 years old or something. She's now 11, so it's been a while. We had a great time chasing them around the beach, playing in the water, building sandcastles, and relaxing (a little) on the beach. I read Breaking Dawn (for the 2nd time), because that's what I do these days. We played mini golf too, which Leo was actually frighteningly good at for a 5-year-old! He got a hole-in-one all on his own! Won a free game out of it, too. And the baby was just a doll the entire time - she was about 7 months old for this trip but she never made a peep unless it was a happy sound or she was hungry or tired. She just hung out, took in the scenery and looked cute. Amazing little child, that one! I have about a zillion photos, so I'll post some when I get home.

The last weekend in July, we went to North Carolina to visit my aunt, uncle and cousins, as I mentioned before. We really only get to see them about once a year, and they only recently moved to NC (before that they lived in FL, so we REALLY never saw them), so we like to take advantage of our new-found (relative) proximity. Plus my aunt had a baby last year, and they change so much in a year that waiting two years would just be unmanageable for me. My cousin Nikki (13 yrs) and I have been keeping in touch by e-mail these days and chatting about Twilight a lot, so we went to see Eclipse together (though we've both already seen it) while we were there. And apart from that we basically just spent a lot of time playing with the baby (Carson, 1 yr), chatting about family drama and catching up. We all get along so well, so it was a lovely visit despite being far too short. I actually have those photos on my computer here at work, so I won't keep you waiting on those...

Such a cutie, and he has the most hysterical set of facial expressions!

Nicole, Carson and I... we're it as far as cousins are concerned in this family

Twihards at the theater... note the obvious height difference! Girl's ridiculous. Can you say 'modeling career'?

Having fun with cousin Ben before we left

Somehow I managed to take NO photos with my aunt and uncle in them. Way to go.

So that's about it for July excitement. Although we did manage to eat crabs twice, which you could probably throw into the "excitement" category as well. Once at my step-dad's family crab feast, which was a blast, and once with Mike & Sarah, also super-fun. Although we had to pay for them with Mike & Sarah, which did put a damper on the fun ;] Getting the bill at a restaurant on the water in Canton after a dozen large crabs and 5 beers is rough. That's between the two of us, by the way. I did not drink 5 beers and drive home.

This weekend we're doing a little dog/housesitting for my mom, celebrating Lacy's 11th birthday (which was yesterday), and going to see Inception with my dad on Sunday. Should be a good time! Unfortunately, the reality of school looming ahead is beginning to darken my summer skies over here... the clouds are creeping in... but I'm trying to continue avoiding the mental subject. There's no sense in wasting my last 11 days of sumer dreading the 17th. So, until next time... Too-da-looooooo!

Redesign

Well, the stupid stupid website that my blog background came from APPARENTLY deleted it. Which means that my hand has been forced... I will have to redesign. Maybe I'll have something up and running tonight. I don't think I like the title anymore either. Oh dear... here we go.

I guess I understand if you hate Blogger Jenna.

...because she kinda sucks these days! Sorry... summer is ridiculous. I won't even try to recap the last month for you. Suffice it to say, we've been frickin' busy, dude. And I thought summer would be a GREAT time to start blogging more... HA!

Here we are, less than two weeks of (my) summer left. I'm frantically trying to tie up loose ends and get some kind of closure on my summer project here at work, and trying desperately to remain in a blissful state of denial with regard to the impending school year that so conspicuously looms ahead, threatening to rain (and drop golf-ball-sized hail) on my summer parade. I suppose blogging about that isn't the best way to keep up my ignorance-is-bliss illusion, so let's move right along shall we?!

I didn't get quite as far as I would've liked to in my CF project, but I came pretty close given the obstacles that I was stumbling over like an idiot for the first month I was working. Without going into scientific-jargon-laden detail, suffice it to say that some dumb crap wasn't working for a while, and I was banging my head against the wall over it for quite some time. I blame the manufacturer of the kit I was using. It was defective. ANYWHO, it looks like I will finish all of the mutant CF protein constructs that I set out to make, and we've even started to test a few of them in real human cells to see how they behave. I wanted to be here to see more of that testing (since that's kinda the point of making these constructs, which is what I've been laboring over all summer), but at least I'm getting a sneak peek at the preliminary data. And I know that I've created something useful that will be used to (attempt to) answer some burning questions in the field. I can be happy with that :] I have to give a final presentation this Friday, and then next Friday will be my last day.

In other news, I'd like to announce that my dear hubzy finally presented me with my first anniversary gift yesterday. For anyone who's counting, yes, it was a little late-ish. It was something that he made, and he was having trouble figuring out the logistics of how to put it together, and then we were particularly poor for a while and I kept telling him we didn't have any money, so he couldn't buy anything anyway. Anyway, it was all set up on the dining room table when I got home from work yesterday. It immediately brought me to tears.

There's a gold plaque inside engraved with "Happy First Anniversary", a wedding photo of us, the promise rings that we gave each other when we were 16 and 18, and the original copies of our vows (the ones that we read from during our wedding ceremony). He also got me this (with our names on it, of course). That part I MAY have picked out on my own a while ago and shown to him as a gift idea ;] So anyway, I was pretty darn thrilled with that. So thrilled, in fact, that my cheap ass suggested that we splurge on PF Changs for dinner! And so we did, because Ben never turns down a meal out... ever. Nor do I. We actually did pretty well - our bill was only $36 - because we didn't get any alcoholic beverages or appetizers. Which leads me to my next update...

We're back on the wagon. The eat-less-and-exercise-more wagon, that is. Which is why we passed on the sugary drinks and fried appetizers. We may or may not have eaten a bunch of double stuf oreos later on while watching a movie... but hey, we just started, and we really are trying ;] We both prefer counting calories (as opposed to a more structured "diet"), so I dusted off the ol' calorie counter and am now in full-blown starvation mode. Oh well. My weight is quite frankly out of control, I don't mind telling you, and I refuse to have my "pre-baby weight" be something I can't even live with. Because once that happens (again, not that it's any time soon, but as a woman I must consider these things), it's hard enough to reach the "pre-baby" goal, much less lose EXTRA. And I'm also signed up for a 5K in October, so I really have no choice but to get back into my running shoes and train. Hopefully between the calorie restricting and the 5K training, I'll be off to a good start. I need new running shoes, however. It's always something. Oye.

Alright, I think that's enough updating for one day. Perhaps I'll try again tomorrow... Lord knows I have plenty to catch up on.