Cool things do happen at work from time to time...

Oooo... Francis is here :) Francis Collins, that is. His lab shares space with our lab, so he drops in from time to time. He's an incredibly accomplished scientist (and Christian) who until recently was the director of our institute (National Human Genome Research Institute) and was the head of the Human Genome Project. He's now under consideration for the directorship of the entire NIH (our institute is one of 27 institutes that make up the NIH). He also discovered the CFTR gene (cystic fibrosis transmembrane regulator gene) that is mutated in cystic fibrosis patients, which makes his accomplishments a little more special to me since he started the wave of research that may one day produce a cure for CF, which our niece Lacy was diagnosed with when she was 8 months old (for those of you who don't already know that). On top of his scientific accomplishments, he's also a really down-to-earth guy who plays guitar at all our institute functions and rides a motorcycle and writes books about faith and science. He advocates a synthesis of evolution and creation that he's actually named (BioLogos) and he has started a foundation for the advancement of the idea. Whether or not you believe its basic tenets, I find it so heartwarming to see a very famous scientist using the platform he's been given to promote harmony between science and religion. It's something that really ticks me off as someone who "straddles both sides of the fence" - the fact that everyone seems to see a fence there where there isn't one. Both sides insist on separating themselves from the other, as if God didn't create the world that we explore through science - as if science is somehow anti-God, and as if God didn't create us to explore and discover his creation. It's absurd. I understand where it originated, and I understand that there will always be scientists who refuse religion, but there need not be any Christian who refuses science as a discipline. Argue over the data - that's fine - but so many Christians have come to see science in general as an enemy (an extreme example being the people who won't give their kids medicine when they're sick) and it hinders the REAL discussion that we as Christians should be having about science. It keeps us from asking questions like "WHY do we interpret this passage this way? Is there another way to interpret it? What makes us think we "know" the right way to interpret it?" because we have this perception that we must keep a united front against the evils of scientific progress. We're so afraid that we'll "show weakness" by considering the evidence from God's creation that we forget all about the fact that God is the one who put the evidence there for us to find in the first place. It's like we're telling God "No no, WE know what you meant, and you need not show us anything new to help us understand better. WE GOT IT." Absurd.

Anyway, seeing Francis just made me think of that, so I thought I'd share while I'm bored. I just think that what he's doing is so wonderful. Like I said, whether you agree with the details or not, we NEED more scientists and theologians to step up to the plate and start trying to bridge this artificial gap we've created between science and religion.

Bored.

Why is it that I'm the only person on my blog list that's blogging these days? I mean, it's been like, two days since anyone else posted anything. When you check for new blog posts about once an hour, two days is a frickin long time. Come on people - help me out! I'm bored right out of my skull at the moment. Waiting for an experiment to finish running, waiting for lunch time to come around so I can go meet Tara for some... hmmm... I'm gonna go with PIZZA (or perhaps a burrito... or maybe the salad bar will look really good today and they'll have good soups... gosh I'm starving!), anyway it seems like all I do is wait. Waited around all dang morning for my crazy zebrafish to breed, but since apparently there's a madman running around the 5th floor poisoning fish in the middle of the night, THAT didn't happen (not really, the fish just haven't been cooperating for about, oh, a month now). I'm finished here in less than 5 weeks now, and I'm probably averaging about half an experiment a week the way these fish are producing (or NOT producing, as it were), which means I'll never finish what I'm supposed to be finishing before I leave. Which is just too darn bad, because I have to leave when I have to leave, but it sucks for the people who have to eventually get it done. I should be able to get through at least 2 experiments a week. This is crap. Sometimes it's a nice break when the fish just aren't feelin' it one morning, but when it's week after week, it just starts to get boring. Commuting 3 hours round trip only to find out your experimental plan for the day is toast - that just blows.

So, until something interesting happens to me, you'll all be subjected to my mindless drivel. Hey, don't act like you don't come here of your own free will. My experiment is finally finishing up, but I still have a few more hurry-up-and-wait steps so you're stuck with me for a little longer. I think there's something wrong with a tendon in my right wrist - the one that's attached to my thumb. I get sharp pains in it sometimes. And I've been getting them for months. WTF? What a stupid problem to have. Any ideas? I'm not even right handed so I can't imagine what I do repetitively with the right hand that would cause a problem, and I certainly don't remember any incident where I "hurt" it. Whatev. This paragraph is just downright BORING. Typing this might actually be more boring than the NOTHING I was doing before I started. WOW I'm bored. Somebody blog something PLEASE! I need something to read!

I suppose I could go check cnn.com and find out what's going on in the world. From the communist perspective of course, which is the one I prefer. I still maintain that we'd probably ALL be better off just getting our news from the Daily Show - at least they don't bother claiming to present "facts" like all the other "news" stations do. That's why I don't bother trying to find out what's going on in the world. Can't trust anyone to actually tell you.

Ciao. For now.

The end of my pitiful rope

I am SOOOOO sooooo done with work. DONE. Can't take it anymore! DONE!!! I guess I hope no one from work reads this - it's probably dumb to gripe about my job on the internet - but I'm nearing the point where none of that even matters to me anymore. I just want to be finished! I have 5 weeks left. That's not a long time when counting down to your wedding, but it's an eternity when counting down the 8-hour days you have left to work. I worry that I'm simply not cut out for the daily grind. That's actually a BIG part of what attracts me to emergency medicine - it's not the same schedule every week, and even if it is, it's not 5 days in a row. Even having to work 12-hour shifts looks appetizing to me, because it means I don't work EVERY DAMN DAY (except weekends). And even having weekends off is sorta useless, because that's when everyone else is off work too and wants you to do stuff. Which is mostly fun stuff (which is why we always end up doing it), but still, you get burned out on running around all the time (even if it's the fun kind of running around). You all know what I mean. I LOVE hanging out with friends. I LOVE going out for a drink. I LOVE meeting up for lunch. I LOVE going to parties and cook-outs and boat outings. But I also happen to LOVE vegging on the couch, sleeping in, snuggling up in bed early to watch a movie, lazy mornings with big breakfasts and nothing pressing to do... that stuff never happens to me anymore! I keep telling Ben, we're seriously going to have to get more protective of our weekend time once I start school and our weeknights become less about "together time" and more about "study time". I guess we'll adapt, like everyone else does. It's just so hard to choose between time with friends and time to recoup and chill the heck out!

Anyway, yeah, I'm just not good at this. My body also seems to be taking it's sweet time adjusting to my new schedule (the part where I'm getting up at 5:40). Although that's really only about an hour earlier than I used to get up, so I don't know. I guess that's a ROUGH hour though. However, it's very nice to be able to leave work around 2 every day, because that usually puts me home around 3:30 (unless we leave late or hit horrendous traffic, neither of which is exactly a rare scenario) - a full two hours earlier than I used to get home. And it also means I'm home when things are still open (like banks and such) so I can still get a few errands done on weekdays. And I can also snag a quick nap before hubby gets home (though despite the best of intentions I never end up actually sleeping... I always seem to find something to get into and then before I know it it's time to make dinner!). Speaking of dinner, I think I'll quit my complaining for now and go figure out what I'm going to make for Em and Josh tomorrow night. They're watching our kitties for us while we're away at the beach (going down to Tom and Amy's in OC Wednesday thru Sunday!), so they're going to come meet them and have dinner with us tomorrow evening. Yay... I love cooking :)

New title

I thought the last one was a little lame even when I first changed it, and it didn't take long for me to get really tired of it. This one, though it's a relatively common saying, is from the lyrics of one of my many favorite Incubus songs...

"You make me happy
You magnify my better half
You make me certain
Though all I have today is your photograph"

(...got me through college away from him)

That is all :)

Snapping back to reality

What a crazy year. I mean, seriously. This time last year I was just submitting the first step of medical school apps! Since then, I've fought off pneumonia, submitted 9 long secondary apps, attended 7 interview days, been accepted to two schools, gotten engaged, planned a wedding, gotten married, become a bridesmaid again, moved, adopted two kitties... and I've been working full time and commuting at least 3 hours a day. And ya know, it hasn't been too bad. It's been a lot of FUN stuff - the best kind of stress.

Now that we're settling into our new life together, I've had more time to get back to the thoughts and anxieties and fears and worries that used to consume me before all this wedded bliss took over. I'm starting medical school in less than two months.

On the one hand, I darn-near pee myself with excitement when I think about being back in school again. I know this round will be NOTHING like undergrad, but I ADORED the freedom that school allowed me. Yes, it was A TON of work. Yes, it's going to be 25 TONS of work this time around. But it's on MY terms. I don't have to sit at a desk all day. I don't have to force my eye lids to stay open after the mid-day slump when all I want is a quick power nap. I don't have to be somewhere for 8 hours, half the time accomplishing very little because my fish didn't breed or I have lots of down-time in the day's experiment. I can go to class or not go to class - it's up to me. I can study at school or study at home - it's up to me. I can take a quick afternoon snooze when I just can't stand to be conscious for another second - it's up to me. I can study right after class or wait til after dinner - IT'S UP TO ME!!! You get the idea. The point is, despite the amount of work I'll be taking on, I'll be doing it on my own terms, and I LOVE that. And the cherry on top of it all is that I really do LOVE learning. I love lecture, I love taking notes... I just enjoy it. And what could possibly be MORE enjoyable to learn about than the human body?!?! And minus all the lame busy work that bogs you down in undergrad, I know that learning on this level is just going to be amazing. Well, years one and two anyway. Three and four... well... I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but I'm definitely suffering from some fear-of-the-unknown there. 3rd year will be the worst - all those clinical rotations that I DON'T want to do, with their long hours and lack of sleep... 4th year will be mostly electives and that will free me up to explore some fun stuff, find some cushy rotations, etc. But for now, I'm just really excited about my first two years - both the classroom stuff, and the part where I get to start learning the HOW of becoming a doctor.

On the other hand... I'm pretty darn scared! It's gonna be tons of tough material. There will be long nights of studying when my poor hubby really wants me to come to bed. There will be lots of carry-out when what I really want to do is wow my husband with a fun new recipe. There will be lots of guilt over responsibilities I've had to pawn off on him before exams when I just didn't have the time to take care of them myself. There will be a lot of pressure (coming from myself of course) to manage the school stress and keep it out of my home life. There will be the internal emotional struggles that I'll face as I learn how to be a doctor, how to deal with dying patients, how to cope with the feelings of futility and hopelessness when you just can't help a person, how to stay awake for the 36th hour in a row without biting anyone's head off or killing a patient. It's a lot to take on, and I'm trying to keep a realistic perspective on just how hard it will be not only on me but on Ben, both individually and as a couple.

So while I feel excited and ready for the challenge, I'm scared and worried about it all too. I just have to keep telling myself that I've never ceased to amaze myself with what I'm capable of - every time I've doubted myself and allowed myself to believe that there was just no way I could do it all, I did it all. It was ONLY by the grace of God, but I did it. And I have to remind myself just how much change Ben and I have weathered over the years. We grew from children to adults, for crap's sake! We made it through 2 years when he graduated high school, went out into the working world and left me behind. We made it through four years of college, with all the uncertainty and fear and loneliness that brought with it. We made it through lots of death and health issues among family and friends, my parents' divorce, not to mention our own incredible roller coaster of ups and downs. We've built an incredible history together, and that is nothing to sneeze at. I feel like we have an INCREDIBLY solid foundation, and I feel SO comfortable and secure in that.

I'm not worried that we won't make it - I'm as sure as any human being can be that we have what it takes. My worry is that I'll hurt him. And I'll do it more than once. And I'll make his life harder than he wishes it would be. And though that's all a part of life no matter what career you choose, it breaks my heart. I know he'll hurt me too. But from where I'm sitting right now, the certainty that I'll ever put him through any pain just breaks my heart. And once we bring children into our lives, the stakes will be raised even higher. I guess that's just the responsibility that we all have as wives and husbands and parents and children - we just have to spend our lives trying not to hurt the ones we love. Some of us choose to make it a little harder on ourselves (what kind of sick, sadistic moron does that?!?! lol) but we really ALL have that in common. I guess it makes me feel a little better to think about the fact that my plight is not at all uncommon. The details are different, but everyone is struggling toward the same goal I have, and people do it and do it well, every day.

Eddie & Lewis

http://picasaweb.google.com/jenna.bonner529/EddieLewis?authkey
=Gv1sRgCKaPjcqA8pqxrwE#

Just wanted to add a quick post to share photos of our newest additions to the newlywed nest... Eddie & Lewis, our adopted kitties :) They're 8-9 weeks old (from two different litters) and we're getting them from a veterinary office in Westminster. We decided to get two so that they'd have each other as companions since we're out of the house a lot, and since this office had 15 kittens that needed homes! I hope it doesn't turn out to be a terrible financial decision - we just have to pray that God will provide for our entire foursome now as he's been providing for the two of us ;) More later when they come home tomorrow (they're having their full health checks and first shots tomorrow so we're picking them up after work) and start to settle into life as Bonner kitties!

Ahhh, Fathers' Day

Well, Ben and I were simply ON THE BALL this year, to the point where we're spending our Fathers' Day in front of the TV together! Yesterday just worked out to be a better day for everyone involved, so we celebrated a day early :) We met Amberly and Ben's dad at Bob Evans in Westminster yesterday for a Fathers' Day breakfast, and also took him to the store. Then we headed down to Eldersburg for a Fathers' Day/50th Birthday party for Ben's best man Mike's dad, where we hung out with Mike and Sarah and Mike's family for the afternoon. We drank many beers and played horseshoes (well, I just sorta hurled horseshoes wherever - I think I made it into the box once...) and discussed Mike and Sarah's future at length ;) LOL!

Then we headed over to my Dad's house to make him dinner and watch a movie together. By this time I was a little tipsy, I won't lie! However, my dinner still turned out pretty well. I made parmesan risotto (from a box) and added some sauteed onions and garlic, Renette (my dad's girlfriend) helped out by steaming the asparagus for me, which I cut up, squeezed some fresh lemon over, and put on top of the risotto. Then I grilled two pounds of fresh large shrimp, basting them with a lime basil vinaigrette dressing. DEEEEE-lish. I got the idea from a Pampered Chef grilling cookbook - I basically saw the title "citrus grilled shrimp pilaf", shut the book, and went to town with the idea. I'm trying to challenge myself here lately by looking for recipe ideas and then trying to put them together on my own. It's helping me to get better at putting tastes together in my mind. So far, so good - I've been doing a lot of experimental cooking lately, and Ben has been a big fan :) It makes me SO so happy when I make something on my own that he likes - it makes me feel like I'm a "catch" of a wife, ya know?

Speaking of cooking, my hands REEK of onions this afternoon. I woke up this morning and started a crock pot meal with stewing beef, potatoes, onions, carrots, garlic, rosemary, tomato paste and beef broth. I think that was everything. This one was definitely a recipe that I can't take credit for - it was from Better Homes and Gardens So-Easy Slow Cooker (courtesy of my good friend Mrs. Laura Cooke!). Hope it turns out! It does smell good. Although it's difficult to parse out the different smells brewing in my apartment today, because I also have a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup going (it was an ambitious morning. I made belgian waffles too). Ben hasn't been feeling well - the old sore-throat-coughing-stuffy-nose thing. Still no fever, but I'm watching for that - we did just return from Mexico. So anyway, it was my first opportunity to be the chicken-soup-making wife of a sick husband, and I pounced ;) Now he REALLY doesn't want me to go to medical school - he's afraid all this will be over once I start! And in some ways he's right - I may not be able to whip up chicken noodle soup, a crock pot dinner and belgian waffles all at the same time on a regular basis - but I told him I took a vow to take care of him and medical school won't stop me. And we won't be able to afford to order out all the time - I'll have no choice but to cook!

The weather today is just amazing, by the way. There's such a lovely breeze, our windows are all flung open and the air is off (WAHOO!) - even though we're sitting inside it almost feels like we're outside. The US Open is on (golf) so Ben is pretty much glued to the couch in front of our HD TV. He's been trying to watch it here and there for the past few days and this was his first opportunity to really just sit and watch, so I guess I have to humor him ;) Plus he doesn't feel well... WAIT - unless he's been setting this up for days just so I'd feel sorry for him and let him sit around and watch golf all day... HAHA! I don't think we've been married long enough for that kind of behavior ;) It's alright - really, what else is on on a Sunday afternoon? And I'm blogging anyway. I should be working on that damn loft! Maybe later. I could really use an afternoon to chill.

My ring is at Jared today being re-sized AGAIN. I don't know if my weight is fluctuating or it's just the heat or what. Well, I THINK I can mostly attribute it to the fusing of the rings. When they were three separate rings I could take them off one or two at a time and though it was tight, they'd come off. Once all three were fused, I could barely get them ON, much less OFF. I finally decided that I couldn't wait to lose 5 pounds to have them fit better - it was driving me nuts. And since it was SO tight, it wasn't really moving around AT ALL (once it found a spot to sit on my finger, it was locked in), which meant that every time I washed my hands or got them wet, water and soap would just sit under there. And since it's three rings together and it's so wide, I was starting to get a little rash and the underside of my finger was turning white - I don't think that's good. When I'd try to move it, the skin just pulled and stretched - the ring didn't actually move and uncover the skin beneath it. That kind of movement required lotion. I know wedding rings should be tight - you don't want to lose them - but it was just uncomfortable and I was worried that it would get to the point where I'd have to take it off for a few days at a time periodically to let my finger irritation heal. No good.

So anyway, that's what I've been up to today. My ring will be ready in about 15 minutes, so I think I'll stop chatting your ear off and go get some shoes on!

My wedding gift :)

By the way... my loving husband got me a pretty amazing wedding gift :)

BEFORE the wedding gift... (in the pool on the honeymoon)

Aaaaand AFTER the wedding gift :)

He got me a second band! Luckily, the real wedding band has been sized and so the bottom of it is slightly thinner than the other band (which was ordered in my size), so I can keep straight which one was the "real" wedding band :) I'm kinda sentimental like that!

In other news, my car finally took a big fat dump on me this morning. It was only a matter of time, but it REALLY needs to be fixed now. It wouldn't start initially, and when I finally got it to start it was running REALLY rough, and when it finally started smoothing out and I pulled out, it came within INCHES of stalling on me as I was pulling out onto Franklin Square Blvd. So needless to say, I decided that driving it to Bethesda probably wasn't a great idea. If I was 15 mins from work I would've gone - worst-case scenario, Ben has to drive 15 extra minutes to come get me from work at the end of the day. But I'm NOT sitting around in Bethesda til 7:30 tonight when Ben finally makes it down there to get me because my car won't start. NOR am I sitting on the side of 95 or 495 with a broken down car during rush hour (or worse, in the middle of 95 or 495 causing a massive back-up!). So my projects for today are getting started on name-change paperwork/phone calls, and finding a shop nearby to take my car to when Ben gets home. And writing thank-you notes, of course - that's an on-going project ANY time I have a few spare moments.

But my biggest news for today is that I borrowed my friend's car this morning to go to the Social Security office to get that first big name change done, so I am now officially Mrs. Jenna Bonner :) Wahoo! Now I get to sit at the MVA, make a zillion calls to credit card companies and banks and insurance companies and everything else... yeah. Good times. But at least I have an unexpected day off to work on it. I should also get to work on the loft, but somehow I don't forsee that happening today. My to-do list is long enough. Speaking of which, I should get to it. LATER gators!

...And then life happened

First of all, let me apologize for my blog - I don't know what's up with all the repeat posts, but it happened when I switched things over for my new google account... I don't know. Anyway...

We're settling into life-as-it's-going-to-be over here in White Marsh, and I must say it's pretty sweet :) The apartment is more-or-less put together (with the exception of the loft, which I admit needs a lot of work but I'll get to it!), we're settling into the come home, cook, clean, shower, snuggle, go to bed routine, we're growing more accustomed to sharing a bank account... it's all starting to feel like "our life", and it gets more and more real every day.

This evening, my mom and step dad are coming for dinner (well, they're bringing dinner and making it here... SWEET!) since they haven't seen our apartment yet. Otherwise, we've been making our own dinners and handling ourselves pretty well over here :)

AND in other news, today is our 9 year anniversary :) Almost a decade people! We went to PF Changs last night to celebrate, since we knew my mom would be over this evening. OK, so maybe we don't cook for ourselves EVERY night...

...AAAAAAND the ones you've been waiting for

Wedding Photos!

http://picasaweb.google.com/jennarenee17/BestOfTheWedding02
?authkey=Gv1sRgCK7J8_fe4oPfKw&feat=directlink

Tried to pick out some of the best ones from the 1380-some-odd photos we have from our photographer :) You may have to finagle that link because I had to hit return in the middle of it to make it fit on the page. Anyway, enjoy!

Honeymoon Pics

Here's a link to the Picasa album with the Honeymoon pics, for anyone who's interested :)

http://picasaweb.google.com/jennarenee17/Honeymoon#

...the rest

Don't know if I'll make it through the rest of my story, but I've gotta try. I'm so tired today - I really hit the wall around 2:30 and it's just been downhill ever since. Ugh. We've been SO busy with the apartment, and it's still in complete shambles. We got all of our grocery shopping done (two trips and unspeakable amounts of money later...) which is a relief - I can cook now, and Ben has food to take in his "lunches". I use quotes because Ben really takes about 2 or 2 1/2 meals-worth of food with him to work, since he goes in so early and works 11 hours a day. I certainly don't begrudge him that, but it means we have to have that much more food around the house. Plus, stocking up a completely bare-naked kitchen isn't easy. We don't have all those pantry staples - we don't have cooking oils, steak sauce, herbs & spices, Pam, cheese slices, chicken broth, flour, sugar, salt, pepper... NOTHING. It ALL had to be bought, and I guess since we had wedding money we chose to buy it all at once and just be done with it. I like to cook, but I HATE to cook when it requires me leaving the house and spending money at the store. I really wanted a well-stocked kitchen so that putting a meal together didn't have to be a hunt-and-peck sort of operation where I was constantly throwing random crap together in a pot and calling it "dinner". It seems like we may have gotten to that point with this last shopping trip, but I'm sure I'll come across other things I need along the way. For instance, it just occurred to me that, for the 53rd time (at least), I went to the grocery store and DIDN'T come home with freaking salt and pepper!!! Grr.

Anyway, back to the apartment. We still have lots of things to hang up, a closet to organize (we did get baskets for this, we just haven't put them to use yet), a ridiculous amount of DVDs to organize (well, ridiculous is a relative term. I'm sure Em wouldn't find our collection "ridiculous" given the movie store that exists in her basement - but at any rate, we can't organize them til we get media racks, which we're holding out for at Bed Bath and Beyond's registry completion event this weekend - 20% off), the Wii to set up (and who knows where the heck we're going to put the rock band drums!), a gazillion thank-yous to write (the materials and lists for which are spread out all over the coffee table), and Ben still has boxes to unpack which he has scattered throughout the living room and bedroom. Not to mention my "office" upstairs - it's more or less the dumping ground for "where the heck are we supposed for put THIS?" items, so it too is in dire need of some organizing. It's a little disheartening, because our first round of moving went so well and we had everything put away and organized, but this second wave (more stuff from home, wedding gifts, groceries, Target trips, registry shopping, etc.) has been a little overwhelming. But hey, at least we have a roof over our heads and a warm, incredibly comfy bed to snuggle in, and most importantly, each other :) I guess we're not doing too badly!

Now, on to the rest of the wedding story. After we watched it MONSOON through the entire ceremony, and thanked God that we weren't outside in it, we went out to a little "holding room" where the staff had an entire spread of hors d'ouevres and bar drinks set up just for us. We chilled out in there for a bit, our bridal party came in and out congratulating us, the girls bustled my dress and we got my veil off, and then Ben and I ducked out through a back door to go take some photos with our rings. We joined the rest of our guests at the cocktail hour easily within 15 minutes of the ceremony ending, which was my goal. We got to greet lots of people during cocktails which eased the pressure for the after-dinner "rounds". It's SO crazy to be surrounded by about 150 people, ALL of whom you want to go hug and chat with for an hour. It feels great to be surrounded by your favorite people, but it sucks to not be able to spend much time with them. I mean, we had people from Utah, Florida, Ohio, California, North Carolina, New York - people that we RARELY get to see - and all we had time for was a few quick words and a hug ;( Definitely one of the bittersweet aspects of a wedding day.

After cocktails (the food was DEEEEE-LISH, by the way), we lined up for introductions. It was awesome. Our parents walked in to Led Zeppelin, our bridal party entered to "Let it Rock", and WE entered in very high-energy, dramatic fashion, to a hip-hopped-out version of the chorus of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (totally random in terms of lyrics or meaning - we chose it for the music itself). But it was ROCKIN. The whole room was up out of their seats cheering for what seemed like forever, our bridal party was going nuts (and yelling things in unison - not quite sure what!) - it was unreal. I have to say, I think it was a pretty kick-ass entrance ;) Then we had our first dance. I completely forgot to listen to the music - I was just sorta wrapped up in it all. Thank God for Rick (Ben's step-brother) video-taping! I remember Ben singing some of it to me, and lots of hugging and kissing, and him dipping me at the end and pretending to drop me (very believably, I might add!), but that was a bit of a blur. Dinner was awesome - all the food turned out perfectly except that they put out pepper parmesan instead of ranch dressing, which I suppose I can get over (though Ranch is the most addictive creamy concotion known to man and it's my FAVORITE damnit!). We didn't have too many interruptions so we were actually able to eat most of our food! That was an unexpected treat :) Although I was bound and determined to enjoy the food we were spending so much money on - I've been saying that all along! Our Maitre D' was amazing - he was ALL OVER everything we needed, bringing us fresh drinks while we ate and checking on our food and everything. LOVED him. Em and Mike gave their toasts, both of which were hilarious and heartfelt and made me cry :) We got up to make some "rounds" while everyone else ate, and before we got through 4 or 5 tables, it was time for Kevin & Sam's tandem toast, another hilarious installment of Knapstein humor of course, basically re-capping the start of our relationship. Then Em's husband Josh performed (played and sang) "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds on his keyboard while we danced. It was SO great and such a special personal touch :) It's such a great love song (and unique - not one of the standard wedding songs), and having someone so special to us perform it for us on our wedding day was just incredible!!! Josh, in fact, was just awesome all-around on our wedding day. He played golf with Ben in the morning, kept his nerves calmed all day, kept him on-track and got him where he needed to be, and served as my go-between for getting ahold of him. He held Mr. grouchy-pants Leo ;) during the ceremony, played for us at the reception... he was just freaking awesome all day.

After that, it was ON. Like Donkey Kong. It may have been one of the most out-of-control, insane wedding receptions I've ever been to. There were at least 20 people on the floor for the FIRST song - from then on I knew it was gonna be a ROCKIN party. Our amazing DJ (Jason Wallace of Absolute Entertainment) totally read the crowd, played all our favorites, and kept the whole place bouncing ALL NIGHT. All the photos of the reception are of people dancing, belting out music, air-guitaring, crowd surfing (well, Ben and I each got thrown up in the air on multiple occasions, as did Mike - almost like a Jewish wedding but without the chairs)... it was wild. It was EXACTLY what we had hoped for. Even our photographers took a shot with us (my only shot of the evening, mind you)! However, given the amount of fun we were having, of course it FLEW by. Jason came to get me for cake-cutting after what felt like MAYBE a half hour of dancing (but it was 9:30!). We did smudge a little on each others' noses, but we were nice about it :) The cake was FABULOUS, by the way. Beautiful AND delicious! But I think I mentioned that in my last post, maybe. Then we danced our asses off til about 15 minutes past the scheduled end of our reception (again, our Maitre D' was awesome and let us go a few minutes over!), and had our last dance (to "Forever" by Ben Harper, which was also part of our processional at the beginning of the ceremony - we thought it was cool to end things how they began). Of course we hung around til at least midnight saying goodbye to everyone.

Then there was the wedding night. I won't get into that. But suffice it to say that after 7 months of celibacy (for those of you who didn't know, we decided to honor God and get things right before our marriage), it was very nice to get to know each other again ;) And our room at Turf Valley was AWESOME. I think we literally melted into the bed when we finally went to sleep - SOOOOO comfy!

After a brief scare in the morning (we could not for the life of us get everything we needed to take with us into Em and Josh's car - between their stuff, our stuff, and my bridesmaid Dana's stuff who was hitching a ride with us to the airport - so we had to get Josh's brother to throw stuff in his girlfriend's car!), we made it to the airport with just enough time to check in, get through security, get some breakfast food and board the plane. That was pretty nice - there wasn't a lot of waiting around. Our flight was LONG but uneventful (in a good way!), and when we got to our resort, it was 5-star all the way for the rest of the week. The food was AMAZING, the ocean was BEAUTIFUL, the pools were refreshing and relaxing, the staff was WONDERFUL, we got a room upgrade with a GORGEOUS view...

Basically it was an amazing and much-needed vacation :) We spent most of our time by the pools, since the beaches were too rocky and the waves were too rough for anyone to swim (and the lifeguards were there to make sure no one did). We baked in the sun, we swam, we went to the pool bar and drank... it was very relaxing! We spent WAYYYY too much money of course, but hey, that's what honeymoons are for, right?!?! LOL :) We went on a waverunner/snorkeling tour which was really cool - there were fish ALL around us and tons of beautiful coral - we went on a day-trip to an island and swam with a nurse shark (the island was a little disappointing, but the staff on the boat that took us there were a RIOT), and we parasailed over the ocean in front of the resorts, which was absolutely GORGEOUS. We spent most of our time on the resort though, and we were just fine with that :) It's cool to be at an all-inclusive place (though we didn't do the all-inclusive option) because everyone tends to hang around so you get to know people and you see the same people at the same places every day. It was like a little mini-community atmosphere - it was pretty cool. It helped that it didn't rain at all for the entire trip (except a cool thunderstorm on our last night, but we were in for the night anyway so it didn't cramp our style at all), so we were able to really enjoy every day and had no opportunity to get bored. We just really enjoyed our time together :)

I will say that I spent the first two or three days getting over a touch of "post-wedding depression". It's really hard to let go of it after the months of planning - it takes over your thoughts and your schedule and it becomes such a huge part of your life, and then it's gone. I keep telling my engaged friends to ENJOY IT while it lasts, because it really does FLY by. While being married is exciting and new in it's own right, leaving the wedding behind isn't easy, to say the least. I felt like it all went by WAY too fast - like I must've dreamt it - and it was hard to settle into the reality that it was over and would never happen again. I'll never have it to look forward to again, and just as I suspected (and I've mentioned this in previous posts), that made me sad.

But, for now, I have to say that I am absolutely LOVING married life :) It already has it's stresses (money, keeping up a household, grocery shopping... ugh), but coming home to YOUR place with the one you love - you can't beat that with a stick. Yesterday was our first day back to work, and when I heard his key in the door, I just thought to myself "Wow, my life is finally here".

Married Life

What's up Y'all?!?!?! Hey, guess what? I'M MARRIED!

Of course I have about a thousand pictures I'd love to show everyone, and a thousand stories to tell, so I'll just start from the beginning and see how far I make it before the cable guy shows up ;)

Rehearsal went fine, though we started outside and by the time we had everyone lined up for the first time, we were starting to feel raindrops so we had to move it inside. I'm glad someone long ago decided it was a good idea to rehearse these things beforehand, because there were definitely a few wrinkles to iron out! But it went just fine and we made it to dinner in perfect time. It was very surreal to pull up to rehearsal and see all those people there - all our very closest friends and family - just waiting for us to start our wedding weekend! That was when it started to feel "real", although really, at the end of the day it STILL doesn't feel real. But that's neither here nor there. Moving on...

Rehearsal dinner was DELICIOUS - the food really was great and we got tons of compliments :) It's so cool to have things go as planned! With weddings you half-expect everything to go wrong. Or maybe that's just me, I don't know. Amberly got up to say a few words, and made me tear up a little of course :) It was so heart-felt, and hearing Ben's sisters talk about us just gets me every time because it gets me thinking about how lucky I am to have sisters like them! Janelle also gave her maid-of-honor speech and cracked everyone up, and made me tear up again (it wasn't difficult of course!). I also got to spend a little time chatting with my oldest-best-good-friend Colette and her fiance who were here from Florida (she moved in 3rd grade and we stayed in touch!) - I'm so glad I got to invite her to the dinner because otherwise I only would've had a few seconds at the wedding to say hi. We also got a huge cnavas print of our favorite engagement session photo from Ben's best man Mike and his girlfriend Sarah, which was SOOOO so sweet! It was such a creative and thoughtful gift. I just love them :) I can't wait til the ball starts rolling on their wedding! Tee hee hee ;)

And then there was the wedding day. I slept very well but once I woke up it was all over - by 7:30 I was up for the day. Of course, the weather reports had been fluctuating all week, and the first thing I did was check the weather. "The weather" was really the story of the day. At 7:30am, they were calling for thunderstorms from 2pm til 6pm. SWEET. 50% chance. WONDERFUL. I tried to put it out of my head and just enjoy the day. I went to the grocery store to get some lunch stuff for the girls, and when I got back everyone was up (Leanne, Dana and Kristy had spent the night) and getting ready. At 9:00 my hairstylists showed up and got started on the hair, and my bridesmaids trickled in throughout the morning for their hair "appointments". Everyone's hair turned out amazing, and we just sat in my dad's room chatting and laughing and googling "Carrie Underwood updo" (etc) all morning while the hair styling was going on in my dad's bathroom. When Em showed up, she brought the sweetest gift - she was officially the first person to make me cry on my wedding day! Halfway through the morning I went to have my make-up done, which was very calming and relaxing. It was just me and my mom, and it turned out really nice. When I got back with a platter of wraps for lunch, we ate some food, I had my hair done, and then it was time to get ready and go! By this point, the weather report said 75% chance of thunderstorms at 2 and 3pm, cloudy and 20% chance of precip at 4pm, and partly sunny with 5% chance of precip from 5pm on. SWEET! It was so exciting - we were ON! I was convinced that by 1:30 the weather people should know what they were talking about and we should be good to go. I was wrong, of course, but that part is coming.

The girls got dressed (they all looked SO gorgeous... I can't even tell you...) and we loaded up and headed to Turf Valley. We got there, amidst threatening thunderhead clouds, and got inside just before the rain started. I got dressed (in our SWEET complimentary suite that Ben and I had for the night) and it wasn't long before it was time to head downstairs to meet my groom :) Our wonderful photographer was with me from just before noon on, so he captured all of this stuff. Seeing him was pretty surreal - everyone was looking at us and snapping photos, and seeing us for the first time as "the bride" and "the groom", in full costume... I really felt for the first time that day that it was all actually happening. He seemed pretty impressed with my get-up, and he looked positively dashing in his all black tux with white vest and tie ;) We kissed and hugged a lot, and I did NOT cry, and then it was time for photos. Given the fact that it was raining, we had to do all of our photos out under a huge overhang in front of the main lobby at the hotel, which allowed us to use the natural outdoor light despite the weather. We had to deal with people coming in and out of the hotel, and the automatic doors opening and closing constantly (and trying to hide the writing on the doors with people's heads... lol) but we got everything we needed to get in terms of group photos, and then Jamie (our photographer) found a few creative little places to shoot Ben and I.

Well, that's not exactly how it went. About half-way through photos, the Maitre D' (who was wonderful to us ALL day, by the way) came to check and see what we wanted to do about the ceremony. We were still bound and determined to have it outside, but he let us know that the golf course's doppler radar and weather forecast was still calling for thurnderstorms all evening. Well, that wasn't what weather.com was saying, so we stuck to our guns. Within an hour, everything changed. Throughout photos, our bridal party was in the lobby taking turns checking various weather websites and giving us updates, and by about 4:00, the radar was showing red cells directly over Ellicott City at 5:00. Everyone was asking me what I wanted to do (the ceremony coordinator, the DJ, the Maitre D'...) and I finally cracked. I knew there was only one choice to make, and I REALLY wanted it to be outside, but I knew there was just no choice anymore. I started crying and Ben hugged me and told me it was going to be beautiful anyway, and I told everyone to start the ball rolling on moving things inside. I thought I had sorta come to terms with the idea of it being inside, since I'd had all week to think about the weather forecast and the possibilities, but when it became a reality it was a little much to handle. I think it was really the pressure that made me finally break down and cry (although I was REALLY trying not to be "that bride"), moreso than the subject of moving it inside. But of course, having to give up and move it inside was part of it - I had to re-adjust my entire vision of my wedding day. I had been imagining it outside under the willow trees all along, and now it was going to be in a ballroom. Ugh. I got myself together, probably within a minute's time (it wasn't a huge sobbing fit or anything), and immediately felt relieved to have the decision made. We moved on with some more photos and I tried to forget about it ever having been planned outside. I had to go down to the ballroom to make sure that the last-minute "oh crap what are we doing with (fill in the blank) now that it's inside?" issues and make sure that the set-up was going alright, and of course by this time I was running into guests and feeling the time crunch. I finally went upstairs by myself to chill before the ceremony, get my veil on, etc. and the rest of the girls joined me about 5 or 10 minutes later (after having completed one last run-through of the ceremony in the ballroom with our ceremony coordinator). It was really nice to have a few moments alone to relax and reflect. I can't say that I had any amazingly profound thoughts or anything, I was just very peaceful and calm. When it was show time, Annie came up and got us, we went down and lined up, and the ceremony just kinda happened!

I didn't cry walking down the aisle with my dad (VERY impressive), Leo walked down the aisle with a horrendous look on his face dragging one foot behind him (which of course I didn't get to see, but I'm hoping there are pictures! I did hear everyone laugh, so I guess it was ok), and everyone looked amazing. The flowers turned out beautifully, the decorations worked out perfectly even though we had moved it inside, and everything went smoothly. I tried really hard to slow down time throughout the whole thing and just live in the moment and enjoy it, but of course it FLEW by anyway. My mom's solo was beautiful, Ben's mom didn't cry during her reading, and our vows were pretty awesome ;) We made everyone cry! They were just perfect - they fit together well (even though we hadn't seen each others vows), they were both emotional AND funny - it was great! It was so amazing to see all those people who hadn't been there a half hour prior when I was down there decorating - when the curtains were pulled back and I started down the aisle, the room was FULL of familiar faces! It was a really cool feeling :) But seeing him at the end of the aisle quickly gave me tunnel vision and I didn't see the other faces anymore. I tried to glance at our bridal party when I thought about it, because I really wanted to remember seeing all their faces standing up there with me. The whole thing was just full of personal touches and heart-felt moments and the love of our friends... it was crazy. I don't really know how to describe it.

Well, my *husband* is really hungry (as am I), our pantries are empty and we're stuck here waiting for the cable guy, so I need to go out and get us some breakfast. I'll try to get started on the reception and honeymoon sometime today :)