Is it really too much to ask?!?!

TMI disclaimer: There's a lot of boob chat in this post. Just so ya know.

In case you were wondering, here's what's bothering me these days. Bras. I've never dealt with fluctuating breast size before,  but lemme tell ya... it's a pain. First of all, I have to wear nursing bras - there's simply no point in wearing something that doesn't unclip for easy access (unless of course I just really want to be irritated all day). Now, there isn't a ton of in-store selection when it comes to nursing bras, unless you have a maternity store nearby. The ones available at Target and Kohls SUCK so far, in my humble opinion. There are one or two legitimately structured options (like, something that actually supports and shapes your larger-than-usual girls for public appearances), and the rest are these shapeless, flimsy cotton things. So just because I'm a nursing mother, I suddenly don't care what my boobs look like? If anything, I'm feeling a little self-conscious about my post-partum body and need all the help I can get to keep things lookin' perky and tight! They call them "comfort" nursing bras, like they're doing me the favor of making something comfortable. How about something I actually feel comfortable walking around in?! I'm sorry, is it too much to ask that a bra be comfortable and make me look great, and have a cup that unclips? Oh, right, I almost forgot that nursing mothers are just ruined women with floppy boobs. Might as well move into a convent and give up on ever looking sexy again.

ANYWAY, I bought 4 nursing bras online. I got a smaller size than the one (yes, ONE) nursing bra that I currently owned (a 38D from Target), which was driving me absolutely batty precisely because it has been too big ever since things settled down in there (and because the underwire (a) stabs me and (b) gets in the way when it's time to nurse). I even did some measuring in an attempt to order based on the website's size chart, but that put me in a 34B. Now, I haven't been a 34B since flippin' middle school, and the girls still haven't returned to my standard pre-pregnancy 34C. Understanding that different brands are cut differently, but knowing full well that I wasn't going to fit into any 34B, I split the difference between the too-big-Target-bra and the website's recommendation and ordered a 36C. Worth a shot, right?

But of course, what are the odds that something is going to fit sight-unseen when you're having tricky fit issues? 1 in 4, apparently. Well, I'll call it 1/2 in 4, because the one that seemed to fit OK when I tried it on proved in time to be a little small. Once I bent over for the first time, I realized it didn't fit as well as I had thought. COOL. Now I own two nursing bras, each of which drives me nuts for one reason or another.

The other three that still had their tags went back, and I decided to check my "new" Target (the Target nearest our new house), in hopes that they might have something better than the too-big, "old Target" bra. Lo and behold, there was another one that looked as though it might work - lightly padded, but with no underwire this time - so I tried on 3 different sizes to make sure that I found the right fit. While in the dressing room I went through every movement and gyration I could think of that could possibly affect the comfort, convenience and functionality of the bra, and I ended up torn between the 38C and the 36D. They were surprisingly similar in fit, believe it or not! I went with the D, figuring that it would cover me for the "fuller" times without being too big for the not-so-full times, since it fit just fine during the not-so-full time during which I was trying on said multitude of bras.

Wouldn't you know it, within 5 minutes of removing all the tags and putting it on at home, I was ready to return the dang thing. GAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Somehow I managed to miss the fact that it sat up too high in the underarm area and rubbed against the underside of my arms constantly. I wanted to cry, or punch someone (namely, Gilligan & OMalley). A few days later I finally got back around to returning it, figuring I'd just exchange it for the 38C and give that one a try (because I'm that desperate for a stinking BRA). But of course, they were fresh out of 38C's by then. Naturally.

Long story short, I'm highly irritated and walking around in a slightly-too-small bra all day every day until I get down to the mall to hit the Motherhood Maternity store, where I will buy no fewer than 42 different bras to bring home and wear around for several hours each (with tags still attached!) until I find the one, at which point I will return the other 41 losers and purchase several more of the winner, in every color and fabric available. THE END.

3 Months

My teeny weeny itty bitty widdle bebe boy is 3 MONTHS OLD!!!

Can you believe it?! I know I can't. I believe the term I'm looking for is "unbelievable". That's what that is.

Life with a 3-month-old is pretty sweet, I won't lie. We're getting into a bit of a routine, it seems, and he is becoming more and more predictable. He typically wakes around 6-7am for a morning feeding/changing and will go back to sleep until 8-9am (sometimes even 10!). Then we come downstairs, fire up the coffeemaker, load up the DVRed Jon Stewart and settle in for some snuggle time on the couch. Sometimes I even get to make myself some breakfast! By 11-ish he's probably taking a lil catnap, maybe 30-45 minutes. I'd like to make this a legitimate "naptime" and stretch it out to more like an hour or two, but we sometimes get into some errand running during this time frame, and he doesn't always just nap in his car seat the way he used to.  Bottom line: I just need to stop trying to run errands during that time frame. ANYWAY, every day without fail he gets cranky and sleepy around 2pm and takes a REAL nap in the swing for about 3 hours. Maybe this is what he needs (cat naps in the morning and one "real" nap in the afternoon), but I feel like I should be getting him into a 2-nap routine so I'd like to get him onto a new schedule with an 11-1ish nap and then maybe a 3-5ish nap. He's only just 3-months old so it's not necessarily imperative that he be on any kind of "schedule" just yet, but I'm thinking ahead and trying to work toward that pattern.

I'd also like to transition him to napping in his bassinet, which is proving more difficult than I had hoped. He's usually such a good sleeper - very flexible - so I was hoping he'd take to it like a champ. Not exactly the case. I tried one afternoon and it lasted about 20 minutes, and then he was WIDE awake and wouldn't sleep any longer, and as a result was wretched all evening. COOL. (This is my sarcastic face... I know you can't see it, but trust me, it's there). The next day I tried having him sleep in the newborn napper station on our play yard, which is down on the main level with me (just like his swing). I figured that the background noise might help. That lasted about 45 minutes, followed by the same series of events. Unfortunately, he seems to need the motion of the swing in order to stay deeply asleep during the day. I almost always have to wake him up from swing naps - I think he'd sleep for 8 hours in there if I'd let him! On the one hand, he needs his rest and if that's where he gets it then I guess that's fine. It doesn't seem to be hurting his neck and back muscle development which was my main concern with having him nap there, so part of me says "If it ain't broke, why try to fix it?" But I know that at some point he needs to be able to nap in a bed, so I guess we might as well work on it little by little before he outgrows the swing and has to go cold-turkey!

In other news, we had our first "real" snow of 2012 yesterday! It wasn't much of a snow, to be honest, but it amounted to enough to warrant a plow sweep through the neighborhood and has stuck around for over 24 hours now, and that's enough for me to call it Eli's first snow... and therefore, to dress him up and go outside for photos ;-)

ADORE that last one. My hubby's photo-shooting skillz are improving ;-) And with that, I'll let you get on with your Sunday. We must all go forth and prepare for Ravens victory!!! I think I'm gonna vomit... I'm so flippin' anxious!!!

RELENTLESS.

Profound moments

I do some of my most profound thinking in the small hours of the morning. Usually the sun is just beginning its daily ascent as we're wrapping up our morning feeding and I'm gazing intently at the little miracle asleep on my chest. I don't know if it's the oxytocin or the rise and fall of his body under my hand or the little squeaks that occasionally escape with his breath, but there's true inspiration in those moments after breastfeeding my son.

For those moments, I don't have another care in the world. I don't think about bills or loans or paychecks, scales or stretch marks or swimsuit season, the paint splotches littering my living room walls or the moving boxes still piled in the corners of nearly every room of the house, or the USMLE study guide that lays closed on a shelf in the TV stand. I don't consider what's for dinner or the errands that need running or the floors that desperately need vacuuming, soap scum on the shower door, dishes in the sink or laundry in the hamper. I don't ponder the past or project into the future... I just am. I'm just there in this beautiful moment with my baby boy. It may seem like a simple thing, but it's just SO special, and it's special every time.

One can argue the benefits of breastfeeding versus formula feeding all day and night, but I know that breastfeeding has gifted me with something unquestionably invaluable. You see, these moments repeat themselves over and over throughout the day with each precious session that we share. I'm not always as focused as during that first quiet morning session, but without a doubt I know that this profound quiet washes over me at some point during each and every feeding, each and every day. I know that most, if not all mothers experience this kind of awe over their little miracles periodically - that's just part and parcel of the gift of motherhood, and it's just as beautiful for a formula-feeding mom as it is for me. I don't mean to belittle anyone else's experience of these, the most joyful moments of early motherhood. But it has been my experience that breastfeeding has given me an abundance of those precious moments each and every day.

The bonding capacity of this simple act is overwhelming, even awe-inspiring. Truly. Each and every time I feed my sweet little boy, for at least a few moments I am drawn into him in a way that is just different from any other time. I really see him, really feel him, really appreciate the blessing that he is. I see the little folds in his neck and around his chubby little wrists. I feel the weight of him, the cadence of his breathing, the subtle twitches and squirms of his fingers and toes. I notice his perfect complexion and the silky-softness of his skin. I marvel at just how tiny his little fingers are, run my fingers over his knuckles and feel the miraculously formed bone structure underneath, and remember the knitting together of this complex little being that God undertook in order to bless us so.

There is a clarity of perspective, a feeling of profound contentment in these moments. I feel the cozy comfort of knowing that this little bed, in this little room, in this little house, in this little town is MY tiny corner of the great expanse of God's creation - that it contains all I need: my husband lightly snoring beside me and my baby boy asleep on my chest. Take away all of the extra comforts that I take for granted every day and I might be rather uncomfortable, but I'll still be blessed beyond measure because I have the love of these two boys.

I suspect it's the oxytocin that has me waxing so poetic about this simple life, but whatever it is, I'm so thankful for it. I'm so grateful that, for this season of my life anyway, I seem to be so acutely aware of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. That even a sinner like me has somehow managed to win that kind of favor in God's eyes, that He would bless me so thoroughly. I guess that's a lesson of parenting right there. God sees us as His children, too - His little blessings - just as I see my little Eli. He blesses us because He loves us even more than we love our own children. Now THAT'S profound.

Adventures in Cloth Diapering

On Tuesday, we decided to take the Fuzzibunz plunge! As you can see, Eli was a little skeptical...

...but his little tushie looks so stinkin' cute in a cloth diaper!

I wanted to wait until I had done the first wash cycle on these puppies before commenting on "how it's going". Having survived two days of Fuzzibunz-ing and a load of diaper laundry, I am happy to report that it's going very well! It's easy peasy - absolutely no different than using disposables (except for the part where we no longer have no spend our hard-earned dollaz on diapers that get pooped in and thrown in the trash!). The only added step is the washing and re-stuffing (I stuff the inserts back into the diapers when they come out of the wash so they're ready to be used again), but since I'm home and perfectly capable of doing an extra load of laundry every two days, it's no trouble at all. Putting them on is simple - you're just using snaps instead of tape. The changing part is equally simple - unsnap & remove dirty diaper, wipe dirty baby butt, pull insert out of diaper (it's very easily accessible), drop insert and diaper into wetbag, zip wetbag, put on a new diaper. I don't even have to do any dumping of poop into the toilet or spraying of the diaper yet (more to come on that)! And if you're worried about odors from storing dirty diapers for a day or two, the wetbag I'm using keeps all odors contained - I've only smelled anything for the brief moments that it's open for me to drop another diaper in.

Now, with respect to dealing with the doo-doo... being a two-and-a-half-month-old breastfed baby, his poops are mostly liquid. However, there is plenty of sticky poop residue that doesn't soak through into the insert and remains glopped in the diaper itself, so I thought that I would have to spray that off before dumping them all in the wash. Fortunately, I was wrong :-) After speaking to another cloth-diapering-mama-of-an-infant friend of mine who doesn't do any spraying, I decided to give it a whirl. The online care instructions tell you to run a cold rise cycle first, followed by a hot cycle with detergent followed by a final cold rinse. Curious, I pulled out a few diapers and inserts to check them out after the first cold rinse. EVERYTHING was gone. You would never have known there was sticky yellow baby poo all over them - everything was already white and clean, and that was BEFORE any detergent was added! I was pretty amazed. Of course I proceeded with the detergent wash cycle, and everything came out pristine white, odor-free and ready to be re-worn!

So far I've only had one leakage issue, and it's just a little moisture around the edge of the diaper around one leg. I'll have to play with the sizing settings and see if I can't remedy that - both the elastic around the legs and the snaps are adjustable so that I can play with each until the fit is perfect. But I haven't had any poop-up-the-back issues so far, despite some SERIOUS rumbling on several occasions. I think it helps that the cloth diapers have elastic around the back of the waist (versus disposables which do not), so they're more likely to hold poop in the diaper as it heads up the back! Also related to fit I was lucky in that, after checking out the recommended size settings for his weight and trying them on him, he happens to fit into the adjustments that the diaper comes with straight out of the package. I didn't have to go through all 16 diapers and adjust each leg elastic and the waist elastic, I just checked each to make sure that they were already adjusted to the correct settings, and they were. That would've been one more task to complete before I could get started, and as he grows I'll have to periodically go through them all and adjust the 3 elastics to fit him appropriately. They're very easy to work with, though - the elastics are tucked just under the inner fleece lining of the diaper, and are adjusted by passing a fixed button through a slit in the elastic (there are several numbered slits in each elastic strip so that you can adjust each leg to the same size without having to count it out every time, and the same goes for the waist elastic).

So, that's my review on cloth diapering... so far, so good! We're finding that it's really no different than using disposables (save for the laundering, and since that's no big deal to me it's well worth the savings!)... Ben doesn't even mind them ;-)

Up next will be more home improvement projects, I think. I'm currently laundering our new bedding, and we're working on window coverings for the living room and plan on doing some more painting over the MLK 4-day weekend (that Friday is hubby's regular day off). Stay tuned!

Rockin' Around (several) Christmas Tree(s)!

Christmas 2011 had no choice but to be pretty darn special... what with the brand new baby in our brand new home! It all started on Christmas Eve with a visit to "Grandad"'s house (formerly known to me as "Dad"). There we visited with my dad, his girlfriend Rae, Grammy (my grandmother and Eli's GREAT grandmother), and my great aunt and her son. We enjoyed Rae's always-fabulous cooking, and then mostly sat around ooo-ing and ahhh-ing at this cute lil guy ;-)

Laughing at Grandad on his new rocking horse

Holding hands with Grammy for a quick snooze

On Christmas morning we took our sweet time at home...

Mommy got a wonderful new camera lens, with which all remaining photos were taken!

Next stop was Mom Mom's (formerly known to me as "Mom") where Eli was showered with a rather ridiculous mountain of gifts, as were we! We enjoyed a delicious Christmas dinner (which our little angel slept right on through!) and lots of sparkling conversation with my step-dad's family who came to spend Christmas with us.

Mom Mom enjoying some "Eli time"

Our third and final Christmas celebration was held at my mother-in-law's house, where us kids took care of the cooking. Ben's step father had surgery for esophageal cancer on the 22nd and is still in the hospital recovering, so Ben's mom had spent most of the day with him. We had all pitched in for crab cakes and filets which Ben's sister Emily expertly prepared, along with fresh broccoli and baked potatoes with pie and pumpkin cheesecake for dessert! Then came the annual gift exchange pandemonium...

Emily opening gifts with her baby girl, Carsen

Our beautiful niece Lacy... 12 going on 20

Our adorable, wacky nephew Evan just doing his own thing, as usual

Ben playing Lincoln Logs... "with the kids" of course ;-)

Carsen and Caraline drumming on the gift boxes (who needs toys, right?)

Typical Ben-and-Lacy shenanigans

Pooped.

It was a long day for our little guy, but it was exactly the kind of big family celebration that inspired us to bring him into the picture in the first place. We're so blessed to have a family like this to surround our children with love, laughs and warm memories :-)