Contentment

I know it's been a while... but I've recently come to the conclusion that the way I handle blogging is a little unhealthy for me. I don't mean to sound dramatic, and that probably sounded dramatic... sorry. What I mean to say is that, by airing my deepest thoughts and emotions to the world, I end up putting myself in a position where I constantly feel like I have to explain myself or justify myself if my perspective changes. It's not your fault - don't worry - none of you have ever really made me feel that way. I do it to myself, but it's a very real phenomenon I've noticed. Especially right now, while I'm dealing with some intensely personal decisions and changing my mind on what often seems like a weekly basis, I've been trying to keep my thoughts to myself and give myself the freedom to waffle back and forth. I think I need that. I need to deliberate, and to have in-depth conversations with people who have the knowledge and perspective to contribute to my internal debate, and to let the wisdom of the 'wisers' in my life influence my perspective, without apologizing. And every time I get on my blog and tell the world that I've decided X, Y or Z, I then feel like I have to explain myself if X, Y or Z doesn't pan out. I'm just too conflicted to be open about it all right now. Sorry to disappoint :'(

For now, I'm focusing on contentment. I don't have to finish my schooling by a certain time, or reach a certain goal by a certain age, or finish X before I can even think about Y, or any of that. I just have to live my life, day by day, and make the decisions that make me (and my husband!) happy. I don't need a 'plan' or a checklist. I don't owe anyone an explanation or a timeline. This place of contentment - of being happy exactly where I am and allowing the future to remain in the future - has not been easy to find. I'm a total 'type-A' personality - a list-making, spreadsheet-updating, always-planning kind of girl who rarely flies by the seat of her pants. Yet here I am, at this profound cross-roads in my life, doing just that. Good thing I have faith in the One who knows where I'm headed!

The Giant Fork in My Road

I'm beginning to get a little scared. And a little frustrated with myself. I'm sorry that I keep getting on here and "boohooing" - I have so much to be thankful for and it's not that I'm not grateful for all of the blessings I've been given - but this really sucks. I had a path. I knew where my life was headed. Now I don't.

I also don't know how to remedy this situation. I thought I knew what I wanted once, and I was wrong, so how do I go about making another decision now? I've lost some amount of faith in my ability to discern what's best for me, and I'm beginning to feel like I don't know myself very well at all. I've never been in this situation before - at least not that I was ever aware of. Turns out I didn't really know what I wanted before, but I didn't know that at the time. Now I know that I didn't really know what I wanted, and worse, that I still don't know what I want. And even more terrifying, I don't have a clue as to where to start. I don't know how to figure out what I want, I don't know how to make a decision, and I don't know how to trust that decision either.

These are the options that I currently find myself considering: (a) I could return to medical school (though I'm 98% certain that's not happening), (b) I could go to nursing school, or (c) I could get a PhD and do CF research forever. A month or so ago, I would've said that I was sold on nursing school. You could still say that I'm leaning in that direction, and to be honest I do still expect that that's where I'll end up when the dust settles, but there's been a little hiccup in the plan. I fell in love with research again. Oops.

Nearly every day at work, I find myself loving what I do. When I'm in lab meetings talking through data with my colleagues and thinking about new questions to pursue, I'm sold on research. I enjoy bench work, I enjoy thinking through the complexities of cellular mechanisms and genetics and experimental protocols, and I enjoy working with real clinical data. Six months ago I would've laughed in your face if you had told me that I'd fall in love with research all over again one day - I thought that I was burned out. Done. Sick of it. But I discovered that as soon as I found a field of research that I truly cared about and was invested in, the entire game changed. It all matters to me now. I love hearing about the other projects going on in the lab, I love considering the projects that I could contribute to, and I love hearing my boss get passionate about learning more about CF. It used to be that I sat through lab meetings and listened politely, but never truly cared about anyone else's projects and never got particularly 'fired up' to work harder on my own. Maybe it's just this lab or this boss, but I think it's CF. When I think about moving on and leaving CF research behind, it just breaks my heart.

The most direct path to stay involved in what I'm doing now would be the PhD route. I can keep doing bench research, even stay here at Hopkins (if I get in!) and even stay in this lab if I play my cards right. And in the basic sciences PhDs are always grant-funded, so students don't pay their own tuition (the program pays initially until a thesis lab is selected, and then the thesis lab pays), and they even get a living expense stipend (read: no more loans). It's about a 5 or 6 year endeavor for most people, depending on how long it takes you to complete your thesis project, but it's only 2 years of didactic, lecture-based study - the rest is more like a 9-5 research job (read: relatively conducive to childbearing).

However, the PhD route means letting go of the clinical world and saying goodbye to the prospect of any patient contact. Sure, I might work with patient samples, but I won't take care of patients in any capacity. This also breaks my heart. And so the pendulum swings back toward nursing school. The program I've applied to will spit me out in 16 months with a BSN (converts my BS in biochemistry and molecular biology to a BS in Nursing, essentially) and a Masters, with the title "Clinical Nurse Leader" (in addition to RN). I'd be Jenna Bonner, RN, CNL, BSN, MS. LOL! I don't know about the order, but something along those lines ;] Anyway, financially this program is not the better choice. I already have a mountain of educational loan debt (I don't think people quite understand what I mean when I say that, so just to give you an idea, we're talking several brand new cars-worth), and this would add at least another $50 or $60K to that. We're approaching a threshold at which I fear my nursing salary won't be enough to comfortably pay off all these loans. A PhD salary would be much more comfortable, and I'd keep my loan balance where it sits now.

The nursing path does leave more doors open, which is what makes it so appealing to me. Ultimately I could choose bedside care, nursing research, clinical research coordination, or some combination of these things. I could see patients two days and week and work as a study coordinator for the other three, for example. I know nurses who do all sorts of things you'd never expect nurses to do - it's really a surprisingly diverse career field... SO much more than bedside care. The key, for me, is that it leaves open the possibility of incorporating patient care and research into my career. HOWEVER - insert caveat here - I believe that the kind of research that I enjoy doing would require a PhD. I could participate with clinical studies or coordinate clinical research projects as a nurse, but in order to do the basic bench science, I'd have to go back after a few years of working as a nurse to get a nursing PhD. We all know that once I'm working and I have a few kids the whole PhD thing will be sidelined for a good while, so if I'm being honest with myself (which I'm really trying to focus on doing these days!), research is probably something I'd get into later in my nursing career. I could certainly get involved sooner as a clinical study coordinator, but I won't be able to do much "bench research" without a PhD.

Now, to be fair, there is a third option. I could apply to the MD/PhD program at my school as an internal applicant - MD/PhDs do both clinical and research work. But I think we've already established that being an MD is just too much career commitment for me. Throwing research responsibilities on top of that isn't exactly a solution to the problem, it's an exacerbation of the problem! So we'll just go ahead and scratch that one off the list, I think ;]

Then there's this pesky little issue of time. I've already applied to nursing school, and PhD program applications are due next month. I basically just decided to apply to both to cover my bases while I sit here scratching my head til next fall, in hopes that by then I will have made a decision and can start down whichever path I choose (so long as I get in to both programs... perhaps if I only get in to one that'll be my sign!). "Why the rush for next fall" you might ask...? Because as long as I'm not in school I'm forced to pay on my mountain of loans, and that's money that I just don't have laying around (ya know how I said it was several brand new cars-worth? So, the payments will be several car payments-worth, per month). So, you see, I'm stuck either making a decision soon, or paying on my loans for another entire year. I'm already paying on some of them, but I'll be able to defer payments for this spring semester because I'm enrolled in community college classes to complete some prerequisites for the nursing program (score!). But after May, I'll be on my own.

So, here I sit. Unable to make a decision, and stressed about the financial ramifications of each choice (including the choice to postpone making that decision). Not to mention the ramifications for my future in general... you know, the fact that this decision is going to determine what I do with 8 (or more) hours of every day for the rest of my life. No big deal, right?!

Sorry if I'm being melodramatic. I'm just a little lost, a little frustrated, a little stressed... and I just don't know what to do about any of it!

Answer your *#$%in' PHONE!!!

I think about "connectedness" a lot. Most would agree it's a great thing. We've all been in situations in which we very nearly dropped to our knees in public to praise God for cell phones. Whether it's calling from the store for a vital piece of information off that notepad on the fridge, or calling AAA from the side of the road with a flat tire, cell phones are darn handy. And nowadays, they're even handier! GPS navigation, weather reports, internet access, e-mail on your hip... most of us would agree that it's becoming difficult to live without one (myself most definitely included).

However, I'm pretty sure we've also been on both sides of this irritating scenario... the one in which someone isn't answering their *%#& PHONE!!! You're either (a) the person calling, who just knows that this person should be answering, or (b) the person not answering, feeling perfectly justified in just not answering your phone at this particular moment because, darnit, you're in the middle of something (god forbid)! But in the age of perpetual connectedness, we're all expected to be at the world's beck and call, and so we catch crap for not answering. When we don't answer, the caller either gets irritated or worried. If said caller happens to be your mom or your wife, you can turn on your police scanner and listen for the missing persons report that will soon go out over the airwaves! Surely, if we're not answering, there must be something terribly wrong.

My husband is a helpless victim of involuntary ringtone response syndrome (I just made that up... like it?!). He can't help it... he has to answer. It doesn't matter if we're eating dinner (even at a restaurant), watching a movie, or in the middle of a conversation. He's convinced that the one time he doesn't answer, it'll be someone calling with an emergency. It's highly irritating. My response, of course, is the old "if it's an emergency they'll leave a message or keep calling", but apparently that's not good enough. He also answers unknown numbers, which I refuse to do (unless I know that I'm expecting an important call from someone that isn't in my contacts). And his obsession extends to my phone, too! When some number I don't recognize calls my phone, he wants to answer it and find out who it is, because he knows I won't. I don't know if it's unrestrainable curiosity or what, but he actually tries to wrestle my phone from me sometimes! Now, let me add that I KNOW that an unknown number could very well be an emergency, but I always check for a voicemail after I ignore a call, to find out if it was something important. Take home message: If you have an emergency and need to get ahold of me from a different number, leave a message ;]

I'm writing about all this because it irritates me. While I love my cell phone, love being able to stay in touch all the time and am a texting fiend, I also feel that I reserve the right to be out of contact for a minute if I so choose. I hate that I have to feel guilty for not answering my phone, because I'm probably making someone worry about me. I loathe the expectations that cell phones place on us and our personal lives - that we should be available at any moment to drop what we're doing and answer a call or a text or an e-mail. Many employers send their employees home with Blackberrys for that very purpose - so that they can always be accessible. I, for one, think that we owe it to ourselves and our families to back off the "connectedness" during certain times of the day. We owe our families our undivided attention from time to time! I know that many families have already instituted "no cell phone" rules for dinnertime and perhaps other times as well, but so many of us are just too addicted (not naming any names, sweetheart!) to let go.

The worst part is that children are now growing up in this culture of connectedness, and are not only suffering from the infiltration of work life into home life as we adults become more and more "connected", but are learning the same behaviors. We're giving our children cell phones at younger and younger ages, even smartphones (I once watched a middle school-aged girl look up the meaning of "4/20" from the church nursery, where she was supposed to be volunteering with the kids... Oye), which not only gives them largely unsupervised access to the internet any time of the day or night (case in point, 4/20 at church!) but also ushers them into this crazy world of connectedness far too soon. It becomes a part of their world - as natural as breathing - and it's only going to be compounded through the generations.

I don't think that this is happening simply because kids are begging for phones. I think that our consumerism is largely fear-driven these days (as are many aspects of our lives, but I won't get into the heavy politics here!), and we feel the need to extend that connectedness to our children for our own sake. What if they need a ride home from school? What if they're out somewhere with a friend and suddenly need me? What if soccer practice ends early? To me, the answers to those questions are obvious. Now, quick aside, I'm all for progress - I don't buy into the argument that if our parents did something a certain way 30 years ago and we're still alive, it should still be good enough for parenting today. Things change, progress is made, and it's largely to the benefit of our children. But in this case I'll say it anyway... "In my day," if I needed a ride home from school, I went to the secretary's office and asked to call my mom. If I was with a friend and needed my mom, I would've asked my friend's mom to call my mom (because I wouldn't have been out at a mall or someplace with a friend with no parental supervision before I was old enough to figure out a payphone, but that's yet another parenting discussion for another day!). You know what I'm saying? Our kids don't need cell phones. We just need to be connected to them 24 hours a day.

Now, I'm no mother, so I can't say that I know what it's like to send your child out in a car with another parent or to leave them someplace for a sleepover. I don't know that fear and worry yet, so I'll try not to judge. But I really believe that cell phones are doing more harm than good these days, at least as far as children are concerned (and maybe even for adults, but I'll be the first to admit that my phone ain't goin' nowhere!). I shudder to think of the things I'll be dealing with when my children are old enough to understand more about the world around them, and I wonder when I'll start being nagged about a cell phone. Of course, cell phones will probably be the least of my worries by that point, Lord knows. Ugh. This world. I tell ya.

So what do you think? Have you considered when you'll give your children cell phones? How do you feel about cell phones in your own life?

On A Lighter Note...

Perhaps a little update is in order? Let's see...

We have yet another new addition to our family to report! Austin Richard Elmore was born on October 27th, weighing in at a whopping 9 lbs 10 oz! He officially takes the cake for biggest baby born in this family! Our sister-in-law (Ben's step-brother Rick's wife) was induced and had a relatively long labor, but all went well and everyone is happy and healthy at home. We finally get to meet the little cutie on Sunday, and we're pretty pumped! I can't believe we haven't gotten to see him yet. Ben has been working late most evenings, and our weekends are always rather ridiculous.

In other news, we started the South Beach Diet a little over two weeks ago. The "little over two weeks ago" being significant because it means we're past the toughest part - the first two weeks. It's essentially NO carbs for the first two weeks, which was rough considering the fact that Halloween fell within that span. Ugh. I did have two gummy bears at a Halloween party, I won't lie. And two Michelob Ultra Amber's (which only have 3.2g of carbs each, which is less than some of the things I was allowed to eat, so yeah, I let myself cheat on that too). And then on Halloween, while celebrating with the kids at Ben's sister's house, I also had about 5 bites of this...

Holy smokes, it was good. Pumpkin cake, and the middle layers were made of sugar, cream cheese, whipped cream and pumpkin. Amberly made it. WOW. After trick-or-treating with the kids, staring at giant bowls of candy and watching everyone else eat pizza for dinner (whilst I enjoyed my 45th salad of the week), I had to take a few bites. But, really and truly, that was the extent of my cheating, folks. Meanwhile, my husband was sitting out on the front porch "handing out candy" (read: eating reese's peanut butter cups and drinking beer). Of course he'll still lose weight despite the cheating, because that's what men do. But for now, I'm satisfied, because I've lost just over 8 pounds so far :]

Turns out that, apparently, just working out doesn't work so well. First of all, working out alone isn't great because it requires SO much work to off-set the number of calories you'd normally eat in a day, even if you're "eating healthy" (which was always my compromise... "but I eat healthy!"), much less to burn more calories than you eat (which, less face it, is what you have to do to lose weight!). You really have to calorie-restrict in order to lose weight through exercise, and then you're not "just exercising", now are you? But it has been very encouraging to see that dieting alone is enough - I didn't exercise at all until yesterday. That also gives me hope that once I do start exercising more regularly, I'll be able to keep losing despite the intensity of the diet dropping back down to a manageable level (I'm now allowed to start re-introducing good carbs like fruits and whole grains). We were both SO tired and hypoglycemic in the beginning (low blood sugar = shakes and crazy hunger pangs!) that it wouldn't have been wise to workout much, if at all, and so we decided we'd wait til after the first two weeks. A doctor that I work with is the one who recommended that course of action, so I feel justified ;]

That brings me to the exercise plan. Well, I won't say "plan". I don't like setting out exercise plans for myself, because I've found that setting high expectations only leads me into disappointment when they don't pan out, and then I get de-motivated and fall off the wagon. Instead, this time around I'm focusing on doing things I enjoy. First of all, I like running. Call me crazy, but I like the way it makes me feel and I like the satisfaction of adding distance and cutting time. So I hope to use running on the treadmill at the gym as my main source of cardio. I know that having only one goal in mind will make it much easier to go to the gym - I won't be there as long, and for me thinking about going on a run is much less stressful than thinking about multiple different things I want to accomplish at the gym. I do like lifting weights as a toning exercise, but it's never really given me the results I was looking for and it adds an unpleasant hour at the gym. Instead, I've decided to give yoga a whirl. Ben's cousin Candice has two small children and look A-MAZING, and when asked what she does to stay in shape, she said she runs and does yoga! Her arms are to die for... so, to yoga I go!

I went to my first class yesterday at Charm City Yoga in Towson. I got a deal on Livingsocial.com, which is a lot like Groupon if you've ever used that site. Basically there's a different "deal" around Baltimore every day, and if enough people agree to buy the deal then the vendor agrees to honor it. You're never locked into buying something until the vendor is, but they set a certain level of interest that has to be met before "the deal is on". Anyway, you pay for the deal through this website and then you get a printable voucher to take to the vendor. I got my running shoes that way. The deal was $40 for $80 worth of merchandise from Falls Road Running Store, so I paid $40 online to Groupon, took my voucher to FRR, and used it for $80 towards my running shoes. I've also bought deals for Ben to play golf, one for a restaurant, and this one for yoga. The yoga deal was $20 for an unlimited one-month membership (which is normally a $40 deal for new students, or $109 if you're not a new student!). Classes are $15 a pop, so I got a pretty amazing deal - $20 for as much yoga as I can stand for a month! Anyway, you should all join Groupon and LivingSocial to get deals in your area - totally worth it. They're usually REALLY good deals (like 50% off or more). Those links might take you to the Baltimore pages, so if you're not from around these parts be sure to change it so you get the right e-mails!

Anyway, back to yoga. LOVED IT. It's just what you need, no matter who you are. You need to be still and quiet sometimes, and it feels incredible to JUST BE for a little while. Stress-relieving, relaxing, good for the mind and the soul. Everyone should try it, at least once. I am NOT flexible either (I can't touch my toes, I'll admit it). Just go to a beginner class where no one expects you to bend like a pretzel and you'll be fine. That's what I did :] Anyway, at the beginner level it's not necessarily a sweaty workout (unless you do a hot class, where they heat the room to 85 or 90 degrees for deeper stretching and a more cleansing - read: sweaty - workout). But it does get you stretching your entire body and it works just about every muscle group you can imagine (and some you didn't know you had!). I'm sore today! I think it's going to be a perfect toning workout, and I suspect it's where Candice gets her beautiful lean arms ;] There's a lot of holding of poses, which requires you to engage certain muscle groups for extended periods, and that's where the "workout" comes into play.

It's also a perfect time to be still, meditate, and listen for God's still small voice in your life. You don't have to be Buddhist or Hindu to reap the spiritual benefits of yoga - it is what you make of it. In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with taking time to focus on appreciating the world around you (God's creation), find more self-awareness, and get in touch with your inner thoughts, desires and feelings. If you can move beyond focusing on getting the moves right and bring some meditation and prayer into it, then it's all the better. I'm hoping that yoga becomes something that I do for myself, that I wouldn't give up because it's "my time". I need something that's just mine, that's separate from my husband and my work and anything else in my life. I'm hoping that I'll not only reap some physical benefits (those toned arms, for one!), but also some emotional and spiritual benefits as well. I know it can only be good for my state of mind, and I hope that I'll eventually be able to use it as quiet time with my God as well.

And now for something completely different... I'm still working on hobby-fying my photography. Now that I have my CAMERAAAAAAAA and my fun software, I'm finally getting a chance to play around a bit. I just got a camera bag, so now I can finally feel free to take it with me everywhere, too. I have a lot to learn, I'm finding, and still more equipment that I'd like to have, but for now I have plenty to get me started. Hopefully by the time the glory of spring landscapes is upon us, I'll be prepared to capture it ;]

OH, and I'm officially an applicant to the Clinical Nurse Leader program at the University of Maryland School of Nursing :] Submitted yesterday! Too bad I have many credits of coursework to complete and transcripts to submit before they'll review it. But at least it's in. I'm taking a 4-credit statistics workshop at the Johns Hopkins School of Public Health in January to cover my statistics requirement. I have a $5,000/year tuition credit as part of my benefits as a Hopkins employee, plus it's very relevant to my work with the CF Twin & Sibling Study, so it's paid for (and it meets during work hours, so technically I'll be paid for going!). I'll also be taking an online 100-level psych course through CCBC (Human Growth & Development) in the winter, and two more courses in the spring (Microbiology and Nutrition, both mostly online). Thank GOD for distance learning is all I can say! I'm so glad I won't have to be spending my evenings away from my hubby to do this.

I can't believe I wrote TWO really long posts in one afternoon. Sorry about that. Everyone is at a conference in DC so there are only two of us here at work. We've been leaving the lights off and having ourselves a relaxing time :] I've been finding little odds and ends to work on here and there, but unfortunately I'm still rather dependent on the other lab tech for the bench work (I still don't know where everything is, what needs doing, how certain things are handled... it's a process). So anyway, I've had a little extra time on my hands today. You win (or not)!

Thanks for reading :] I know I'm annoyingly long-winded - you're a champ for sticking with me!

My Horse

Cascade of Satin 

3.13.1987 - 10.??.2010

Rest in Peace, my sweet boy. You were well loved and your absence leaves an un-fillable hole. You were the best friend a little girl could've asked for, a sweet heart and a gentleman.

I miss you.

Satin apparently sustained a crushing fracture to his leg out in the field at some point during the night about two weeks ago. I wasn't even notified... I don't even want to get into it because I'm still so hurt and upset. Suffice it to say that he was an incredibly sweet guy, loved by all, who gave so much to so many in his 23 years. Most of my best childhood memories are of him. 

I always said he was the best horse ever, and no one ever disagreed with me. He truly was a rare and special horse. I hadn't been able to visit him in about a year, since starting school and moving an hour away from him, so at least my happy memories of him will remain in tact. The last time I saw him he was as happy as ever :]

I joined 4H so that I could take him on as a training project - he was a race horse that was supposed to become a therapeutic riding horse to serve the handicapped. Unfortunately for them, I fell in love with him and just couldn't give him up. After my one-year training project was over, my parents bought him for me for the measly price of $800. He was easily worth thousands. It was the best gift I ever received.

Satin and I won many a blue ribbon together - we showed together for several years. We were even grand champions in our division at the county fair one year! We showed in dressage, hunter-jumper and cross-country events, and jumping was always his favorite. He just LOVED to really get going and spring over fences, and I loved it too. We were the perfect match. Around the farm we loved to trail ride, ride bare-back in the summer and make up jumping courses out in the field. On the ground, he was as gentle as they come, and under saddle he was as well-behaved as the day is long.


Satin had become primarily a lesson horse over the past five years or so at the farm where he lived, once I went away to college. All the kids adored him - he was never short on attention or treats. He was perfect for beginners and advanced riders alike, and always seemed to know exactly what was expected of him. Satin always had the best possible care where he lived, and I'll always be grateful for that.


I always knew that I was incredibly lucky - owning your own horse is every little girl's dream. But I was even luckier than most, because I truly I lucked into the horse of a lifetime.


Thank you, Buddy. I love you.

"The Movement"

I don't know about you, but I've been becoming increasingly irritated with the breast cancer awareness movement. Many of us (myself included) know someone who has battled breast cancer - it is a terrifying, harrowing, and in many cases ultimately empowering experience that should never be minimized. My feelings regarding "the movement" itself have absolutely nothing to do with the value of those experiences and the necessity of the ongoing search for a cure. But, that said... hear me out.

At first I was just irritated by the sheer volume of press associated with breast cancer. Awareness is great, but the powers that run these foundations seem to spend an awful lot of money on frivolous advertising. Not that promoting breast cancer awareness is frivolous in and of itself, but it's just EVERYWHERE - they could take at LEAST half of the money they spend on advertising/PR/merchandising and divert it to research and get far more bang for their buck as far as the fight against breast cancer is concerned. I don't know about you, but when I donate money to fund research for cancer, pink cleats for NFL players aren't exactly the "cure" I have in mind. The outrageous overload of advertising they're bombarding us with is not only an inefficient use of precious resources, it also seems quite unnecessary - everyone is already HIGHLY aware. And no, I'm not just trying to be sarcastic. I truly find it bothersome, the amount of hard-earned dollars donated by hard-working, caring people that are blown through every year by this out-of-control PR machine. Do these foundations feel any sense of accountability to the regular, everyday people who support them? And as if the (in my humble opinion) frivolous spending wasn't enough...

The nagging irritation I've long felt toward the movement has (relatively) recently been given "a violent shove into serious" (-Maura Tierney, Liar Liar). The day that some PR exec got the grand idea to start throwing the word "boobies" around... that just threw me over the edge into PISSED. The mostly bare breasts on billboards, the "feel your boobies" paraphernalia... not only is it inappropriate for the general audience exposed to it, but it's cheapening to women and to the cause that is SUPPOSED to be at the heart of it all.

My sister-in-law Emily wrote a fantastic blog post about this very issue that pretty much sums up my position as well, so without further adieu...

Raising Awareness or Selling Out?
Go check it out! And don't forget to read the comments... great insight to be found there as well :]

Work & Play

Jenna got a new camera :] 

...AND new photo editing software :]

Happy Birthday to me! (And thanks, Daddy! I love you!)

It's definitely been a process, learning a new camera and learning new software. Especially since I have a JOB now and can't spend my days fooling around with my fun new toys! My kitty's pretty cute though, huh? That's squiddy Eddie. You might think that I'm partial to Eddie, since I tend to post lots of pictures of him (as opposed to my other kitty, Lewis). If you thought that, you'd probably be right. HOWEVER, there's also the fact that Eddie is a much better subject. He tends to sit still longer, and doesn't freak out every time he detects movement within 20 feet of him. Lewis, on the other hand, is a total spaz. God love him, he has mental problems. It's difficult to take a decent photo of him AT ALL, and essentially impossible if I'm trying something that requires a lengthened exposure. You can hang it up, in that case. So, in short, I can be more creative in photographing Eddie because he doesn't startle so easily, and he poses often (as seen above). And it just so happens that he is also my favorite. He's the sweetest cat on the planet. He converted me into a cat person. He cuddles, he cocks his head sideways and chirps at me to get my attention, he follows us around like a puppy... he's just friggin' adorable. Them's just the facts, and I can't help it. I feel like a bad person, playing favorites and all, but that's just how it is. 

As for work... I love my job. I really do. I'm truly enjoying working with real clinical data on a more "big picture" type of project - it's completely different than anything I've ever worked on before. Whereas I've always worked at the molecular and cellular levels in the past, much of the work done in this lab focuses on using real patient data to look for trends and patterns in lots of different health status markers, like lung function, onset of CF-related diabetes, bacterial colonization, pancreatic function... it's all so fascinating. And this type of work lends itself to more immediate applicability than anything I've ever worked on in the past. It's very rewarding already. 

I spent the latter half of last week at the North American Cystic Fibrosis Conference which was (fortunately) held in Baltimore this year. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I thought I knew a lot about CF, but apparently I knew very little. There's just SO much to learn and it's all so incredibly fascinating. I always felt like I was missing something I really wanted to see - three days wasn't NEARLY enough time! I learned so much about so many different facets of the disease itself, approaches to care, new and innovative therapies, external influences on disease progression, the psychosocial impact on patients... I could go on. SO much great stuff. I also had the opportunity to see several of my lab-mates give talks (including my boss), which was highly impressive and also very inspiring. This lab is just really top-notch, and sitting in those chairs watching them speak, I was so proud to be a part of it. AND, during the conference we also found out that my boss is being awarded the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's highly prestigious 2010 Lifetime Achievement Award for his work in Cystic Fibrosis research! How amazing is that?! He's a pretty amazing guy. I just feel so blessed to have found this job, and to be a part of this lab. 

At the end of the conference, I found myself wondering how I could EVER bring myself to leave the CF research community. For the first time in my life, when I think about my job, it's not just my mind that is invested... it's my heart, too. And my heartstrings are becoming increasingly interwoven with my work by the day. I know that I can't stay in this particular position for too long - I have to get back into school. My student loans are coming due and this just doesn't pay well enough to handle all that. But how do I reconcile my career aspirations with my intensifying connection to CF research? Good question. That remains to be seen, but I'm VERY interested to see how it all plays out. I suspect that God may be placing some unexpected open doors in my path this year :]

Workin' Girl

Hi Friends! Sorry, it's been a while. Pathetic as it sounds, it's taking my body some time to adjust to getting up early and working 8 hours every day after having been off for an entire month! I've just been too tired to do much more than, well, NOTHING when I get home. And unlike previous positions I have held in the past, for the most part I remain relatively busy all day at work. I LOVE this lab though :] It's so clean and organized and well-run, and everyone is SO nice. I've been very busy trying to glean as much as I can from the previous study coordinator (Kathleen, whose last day is TOMORROW! Yikes!), while also trying to learn some lab protocols from the other tech as he works on them. So I'm constantly flitting back and forth between the two of them and watching them work. I've done a little of my own hands-on work, but nothing much so far - I'm still in the learning phase. I really need to review my statistics knowledge, not to mention teach myself how to use the crazy statistical software that we use to manipulate the mountains of data collected through our study. Kathleen has been trying to teach me the most common tasks and give me some tips and tricks, but I know that once she's gone I'm going to need to spend countless hours fooling around in the program to really get proficient with it. There's really no replacing this woman - she's just amazing - but I want to be able to be helpful when other lab members need data assembled! My boss approved a statistics course for me through the Hopkins School of Public Health (though it isn't until the January mini-mester), which is based in the software that our lab uses, so I'm hoping that'll be helpful and get me on-track. It will also satisfy the statistics prerequisite that I need for nursing school.

That's right folks. I'm applying to a master's-level nursing program for next Fall! I'm really excited about it :] I still have the option to return to medical school next year, though as I've intimated before, I REALLY don't foresee that happening. This new lab is actually full of clinical fellows (MD's doing research), and having a glimpse into their daily lives REALLY doesn't help the medical school case. It has definitely reinforced my feeling that being a doctor requires far more career commitment than I'm willing to give. Anyway, I'm finding that nursing really seems perfect for me - for my future goals, my personality, and the position I find myself in right now. I don't know how I missed it before... it's so obvious to me now. It allows me to enter a patient care profession, while keeping SO many options open to me and giving me tons of flexibility both now and in my future career. There's typical bedside nursing (in a VAST array of medical specialties and sub-specialties), clinical research, advanced practice degrees down the road, cool specialties like environmental or public health nursing, process improvement research... It's just so exciting to me. It's basically everything I wanted out of a medical career, minus the whole "signing my life away" bit. The program I'm shooting for is a 16-month accelerated Clinical Nurse Leader program at the University of Maryland School of Nursing (across the street from my medical school!), which is a master's generalist degree that will qualify me to take the NCLEX (licensing exam) to become an RN. Here's hoping...  :]

In other news... my birthday is on Thursday. Yipeeeee!!! Eh, not quite as exciting as birthdays used to be ;] We have plans to go out to several dinners (just the two of us, mom, dad, etc), and we're going to the Baltimore Beer Festival in Canton on Sunday with some friends. And my hubby is taking me shopping, because I need (er, want) some clothes. And that, my friends is SUPER exciting!

Alright, this workin' girl is beat. Time to wind down for the evening.

A Book Recommendation for You Photogs...

(This is the entire 3-volume boxed set - indivdual volumes can also be purchased on Amazon for $16.49 a piece, if you're not quite ready to take the 3-volume plunge just yet!)


For those of you who have yet to discover this little gem, check out Scott Kolby's "The Digital Photography Book" series. It was recommended by an amateur photographer whose work I love, so in my search for photography reading material, I went out to B&N and bought Volume 1 (terrible move, by the way... (a) should've ordered on Amazon - way cheaper - and (b) should've bought the entire boxed set). Don't be fooled by the so-simple-it-sounds-kinda-dumb title, my friends. Simplicity is definitely the name of the game with these books, but in a very good way. Well, let me qualify... I'm reading Volume 1 now, so I can't speak for all three volumes in the series. I can say, however, that I'm pumped to crack into the next two!

Scott Kolby inserts a little humor, and generally writes as if he was speaking to you face-to-face. It's kinda like having a professional photographer at your side while shooting to answer your questions. Each single page is devoted to a particular tip or trick for avoiding complications, getting "the shot" in different scenarios, getting the most out of your equipment (or the most bang for your buck when purchasing equipment), framing different types of shots, setting up the right lighting... it's amazing. While learning the technical aspects of how cameras actually work is invaluable, that's not the point of these books. He writes it as if you were out shooting together and asked him a question - he gives you a straight "how to" answer and generally spares the technical rationale behind the answer, for the most part. The information is presented in it's simplest form, but that's what makes it so helpful. "If you want to achieve this effect, set your camera to this mode, set your white balance like this, set your f-stop to that, and shoot." Simple as that. Love it. And the one-page-per-topic set-up of the book makes it a perfect reference tool. It's easy to flip back to something, re-read it quickly, pick up your camera and use the information immediately.

Bottom line: If you know a little about photography and would like to learn some of the tips and tricks of the professional trade - how they get the shots they get, and how to set your camera to do the same - BUY THESE.

An NFP Question for all you NFPers out there...

Quick question for those of you who practice NFP...

I'm on my 6th month of charting now after coming off the Pill (also 6 months off the Pill), and I'm noticing that I have a consistently short luteal phase. For anyone not familiar with the terminology, that's just the time from ovulation to menses, and it's a point of concern if one is trying to conceive because if it's too short, a conception might not have sufficient time to implant prior to menses. I count from the first day of temperature rise until the day before my period starts. Everything I read says that it should be 12-16 days, and that anything less than 10 is considered a potential fertility problem.

Mine have been 10 days long every month. I don't like this. Not that I'm trying to conceive (clearly), but I AM trying to get everything on-track in advance so that we're in the best possible position to conceive when the time comes. According to my book on nutrition and fertility, a short luteal phase is usually due to low progesterone, which can often be alleviated by bumping up one's vitamin B6 intake. I recently decided to start a new vitamin regimen (started about 2 weeks ago) to try to fix the problem, which includes a good prenatal vitamin (I checked the contents against the recommendations in my book - you'd be surprised how high the recommendations are compared to what the average prenatal vitamin contains!), extra vitamin D (because I was deficient at my last dr's appointment), extra B6 and an omega 3-6-9 capsule. Obviously that may take a few months to make any difference, so I'll just have to wait and see for a while.

So on to the questions... Have any of you dealt with a short luteal phase, and if so, what did you do to help lengthen it? Have any of you conceived despite having what might be considered a "short" luteal phase? That would make me feel better ;]

Thanks, Ladies!

Crunchy Granola, Anyone?

I finally caught the "all natural" bug. It's MckMama's fault, really. She did a post about products she uses to clean her home, and it got me thinking... 

First let me say this: I don't like the negative connotation placed on the word "chemical". THE ENTIRE WORLD IS CHEMISTRY, PEOPLE. We are nothing but organized conglomerations of "chemicals". That's just reality. Now, that said, I also realize that when most people say "chemicals", they are referring to something at least mildly toxic or hazardous. I just have a peeve about people saying they don't want to use "chemicals" or have "chemicals" in their food or whatever... everything is "chemicals" so let's just come to terms with that and move on. Good? Good.

...now, back to my train of thought. How often do we, even as adults (not to mention our children... which I, sadly, do not have... but that's neither here nor there!) put our hands in our mouths? Not fist-in-mouth obviously, but we all bite off the occasional hangnail, lick batter off our fingers while baking... you know what I'm talking about. And how often does our food touch our counter tops, or better yet, our plates and silverware? And while we try to clean all these things (including our hands) regularly, exactly what are we removing with our cleaners? Well, the better question is "what are we leaving behind?" We're removing stuck-on food from plates and kitty paw-prints from the counter tops (DON'T JUDGE ME. YOU try to keep cats off of the counter tops and let me know how it works out for ya!), but in many cases we're replacing those "messes" with harsh chemical residues. 

I haven't even done any research into which cleaning chemicals are hazardous, or exactly what the nay-sayers claim the "hazards" are. I just know that I wouldn't swallow any of the cleaners I use, so maybe I should reconsider what I use on surfaces that I eat off of, or on my hands, etc. And when I think about having children around, I get even more concerned about residues ending up in tiny mouths, and then circulating through tiny systems that can't handle as much toxicity as my adult body can handle, and it makes me want to be even MORE careful. 

Of course there's always the "my mom cleaned everything with straight bleach when I was growing up, and look at me! I turned out just fine!" argument. Which is, of course, a load of crap. You'll never know whether you "turned out just fine" or not. You'll never know whether your cognitive development could've gone a little better than it did, or if your childhood asthma had something to do with a harsh chemical you were repeatedly exposed to, or if you're going to develop cancer some day as a result of some laundry detergent you used. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. So let's stop deluding ourselves into thinking that everything we've been exposed to in our lives must've been safe because we're not dead, and that if our moms used something then it must be safe. This entire argument is also (clearly) a peeve of mine. 

The bottom line is, why NOT try to use safer, milder cleaners in our homes? Why NOT try to cut down on the fumes we inhale? Why NOT try to keep from ingesting harsh chemicals that aren't meant to be ingested? 

Some might argue cost, and I can't quote exact price comparisons, but I was not at all blown away by the prices I paid at Target the other day when I decided to replace all of our hand soaps, dish soaps/detergents, and surface cleaners with "natural" alternatives that don't contain any unnecessary harshness. At Target, the Seventh Generation and Method cleaners both ran about the same price, so I allowed the Method marketing to lure me in (with their pretty colors and uniquely-shaped containers) and went with Method. There's also Green Works, but their stuff was all spread out all over the place - the Method stuff was just easier to peruse because it was all right there. I did get Green Works liquid dish soap, which smells lovely and works great so far. I also got Method kitchen cleaner and bathroom cleaner (both with disinfectant), disinfectant wipes, dishwasher tablets and hand soaps. Haven't tried the dishwasher tablets yet, but everything else works FABULOUSLY so far. The dishwasher tablets will be the true test... nobody wants to deal with dishes that are still dirty after running the dishwasher. When I told Ben I was switching to natural cleaners he got all "Well I do all the cleaning around here, so if they don't work well enough we're switching back!" Psh. As if I don't clean. (He really does do most of the cleaning, I won't lie...). I suppose he just doesn't buy the whole "dangerous chemicals" thing. Probably citing that argument about mom using them, in his own mind. I can't wait til he meets out first child and suddenly cares what residues are on the surfaces in our home. In fact, I can't wait for a whole LIST of "I told you so"'s that I'm storing up for that fine day... ;] 

ANYWAY, tangent aside, I'm also considering switching laundry detergents. MckMama uses Goat's Milk Soaps in her home, and they sell a 5-lb tub of their laundry soap for $34. Sorta steep, right? Not to mention the shipping on a 5-lb tub of powdered detergent (YIKES!). Before shipping, it comes out to 26 cents per load if you only have to use 1 tbsp, but I think that for our washer (as in, not a high-efficiency washer) we'd have to use 2 tbsp, which doubles the price per load and makes it more expensive than Tide by quite a bit. Although I can't say I've ever counted how many loads I actually get out of one bottle of Tide. I bet it's far fewer than the number of loads that the bottle claims (which is how I calculated that Tide is costing me 21 cents per load). Maybe I'll start counting with my next new bottle. Anyway, I understand that Tide is supposed to be one of the worst detergents for irritants and perfumes and crap, but it clearly doesn't seem to irritate our skin, so I'm not TOO concerned about laundry detergents at this juncture. I'll be much more concerned once we have baby skin to worry about, but unfortunately there's no baby skin in my immediate future! 

I'm also buying organic on the fruits and vegetables that are reported to absorb the most pesticides. According to WebMD, these include peaches, apples, bell peppers, celery, strawberries, pears, nectarines, grapes, spinach, lettuce, potatoes and carrots. Of course, I don't know about your grocery store, but mine doesn't have an organic version of most of these things - at least not that I've noticed. Apples and carrots, maybe. So what's a girl to do, especially once the farmer's markets are done for the season? And it's not like all farmer's market stuff is organic, but at least it's local. And then, of course, there are the antibiotics and hormones in milk and meats. To be honest, meats and milk are expensive enough. I don't know that I'll be committing to going organic on those any time soon. There's just so much to think about, and I only have so much moolah to play with here. Soaps and cleaners are easier because I don't buy them all that often, but trying to go organic on more and more food items is a very expensive prospect! 

Anyone have any suggestions for what to focus on as far as organic foods go, where to find these organic produce items, or which natural cleaners/soaps/detergents give you the best bang for your buck? Leave a comment!

Oh, right, I got a new job!

BY THE WAY... just realized I haven't written a post about my new job! Wouldn't want you all to think I'm just planning on sitting around the apartment for a year. Of course, that would be totally excusable if I had a child to care for... but uhhh... aaah, let's not go down that path today.

So, this new job. I'll be back at the Johns Hopkins Medical Campus in East Baltimore for the year, still working within the JH Cystic Fibrosis Research Development Center, but working for a different lab this time. I'll also be taking on a lot more responsibility than ever before... which is both exciting and terrifying! I'll be one of two "techs" in the lab - the people who not only carry out bench research, but also know where everything is, how all the equipment works, how to troubleshoot and fix the equipment, how to order stuff, etc (basically, they're the people I've always relied on to keep ME straight in the lab).

In addition to my lab responsibilities, I'll also be taking over the Research Coordinator position for a gigantic CF clinical research study called the CF Twin & Sibling Study. The study has gathered blood samples, clinical data, environmental data, family pedigrees, etc from almost 900 families all over the world who have twins or siblings with CF. The goal of the study is to better understand which genetic and environmental factors influence the course and progression of the disease to better predict outcomes and tailor treatments for specific patients. There are over 100 centers recruiting throughout Israel, Australia, Great Britain, and all over the US. That's a lot of data (and a huge database) to keep track of. The woman who is the current coordinator has been with the lab since the beginning of the study and has spent the past 8 years recruiting patients, maintaining contacts and managing data. And now she's handing it all over to me. OH my. There's still a little more recruiting to be done, so I'll be maintaining contact with the active recruitment centers, receiving and cataloging new data, extracting DNA from blood samples, doing some DNA sequencing and analysis, and possibly making some site visits to the active recruitment centers in the future. I'll also be responsible for maintaining the main database, as well as maintaining contact with the recruitment centers and contributing research labs with periodic reports on our progress.

Like I said, I'm a LITTLE terrified about taking on all this responsibility, but I'm also excited to finally have a "big girl" job ;] In my previous research positions, while I've enjoyed the projects I've been given, I haven't truly been challenged. There were times where I had to do some creative troubleshooting and really use my background knowledge to sort out problems with experiments, but I've always felt like I had way too much down-time. While down-time is nice sometimes, too much of it can be de-motivating, and I think that's what has happened to me over the years with research - I just haven't been motivated. I still may find that lab research is not for me in the long run, but I have high hopes that working in a more challenging position with more responsibility and PLENTY to keep me busy will be a much more enjoyable experience. And having the opportunity to continue contributing to CF research is a tremendous blessing - I'm SO thrilled to have found a position like this.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I found out about this position through my friend Liz. She had just graduated from high school this year, and this summer in Dr. Guggino's lab was her first research lab experience. She worked with me all summer and we really had a great time together. Her father, Dr. Garry Cutting, is also a researcher at Hopkins - it's his lab that I'll be working in. This position happened to come up at the same time that I was looking for a job, and he was looking for someone with exactly my qualifications - a strong research background and a medical background, a bachelor's degree but not fresh out of college, and someone who would eventually be moving on to something else. And it happens to be a perfect position from my perspective as well - it's uses my strong research background, keeps me exposed to the clinical side of things, and also gives me the opportunity to explore a side of research (clinical research) that I've never participated in before. I figure while I'm trying to decide what I want to do with my life, I might as well be trying something new! Anyway, talk about something falling straight out of heaven and into your lap... the perfect job, at the perfect time, and working with Liz this summer (before I ever knew I'd be leaving medical school) set me up to find out about the job and have an "in" to interview for it before it was ever posted!

God is good all the time, and all the time GOD IS GOOD!

Bring on the Bling

Hi Friends!

I'm writing to share some fun stuff with you all :] 

My fabulous mama...

...recently decided to start her own business selling Cookie Lee Jewelry. Lots of super cute stuff, all very affordable. And when I say affordable, I mean actually affordable. I don't know if you're familiar with other direct sales jewelry gigs (Lia Sophia, for example)... but their stuff can be VERY pricey. Cookie Lee jewelry tends to run on average $15-$40 a piece - perfect for Christmas gifts at this time of year, jewelry for bridesmaids, birthday gifts for friends, sisters, etc... all good stuff.

To give you a taste, here are some of my favorites...

Crystal Bubbles Cocktail Ring, $22

Jet Petals Necklace, $24

Vintage Allure Earrings, $24

Scrolled Stretch Ring, $20

Dancing Crystals Necklace, $34

Crystal Bezel Mix Bracelet - Sapphire, $34

Jet Shimmer Earrings, $18

Dramatic Jewels Bib Necklace, $32

Scattered Spice Oval Earrings, $32

Glam Rebel Bracelet, $29

Island Palm Earrings, $22

Of course I could go on, but I think that's good enough for now! So there it is - good quality stuff that won't fall apart, priced to afford, AND super-cute. Can't go wrong, my friends.

So, "where can I get it," you ask? You can shop in your jammies right here.

Start your Christmas shopping early, pick up a few new pieces to wear to that fall wedding you were invited to, or just get yourself a little something! There's nothing wrong with that.

OMG

omgomgomgomg...

http://www.belkaidesigns.com/

LORD HELP ME.

I will survive.

Well, I think I've recovered from Tuesday's tantrum. One day at a time... one day at a time. I know I'm not alone in the baby fever department. It just feels that way sometimes, since the dude I spend most of my time with doesn't have a CLUE what it's really like! He tries to be understanding, but I know that he doesn't quite believe me when I try to explain just how bad it is. Oh well. We all have our crosses, right?

I'm trying to channel all that nervous energy into other things, in the meantime. Ben reminded me that if I don't want to let this literally drive me insane, I need to at least make an effort to distract myself. First things first, I want (slash NEED) to get back into running more seriously. I recently had to drop out of a 5K that I was registered for, but I need to register for another one and get to work. I was having tendonitis problems, but now that that's rested and (hopefully) healed AND I got new running shoes yesterday, I have no more excuses. I also need a JOB. Sitting around here for the past 3 weeks with nothing but my own thoughts has NOT been healthy for my state of mind. The job situation should be worked out within the next few days, so hopefully this won't go on much longer. It's been nice, doing whatever the heck I want, but I'm getting bored and a little stir crazy!

I'm also working on getting a little more serious about my photography. Step one is holding me up a little (step one = get decent camera), but I'm hoping that with my birthday and the holidays coming up I'll be able to finagle the camera I want as a gift or buy it for myself with gift money :] Then it's just a matter of finding ways and/or opportunities to learn and practice. I really would like to establish photography as more of a structured hobby, because I don't exactly have any "real" hobbies in my life at the moment. Somehow that just doesn't seem quite right. Anyway, I have some ideas. I think for starters I may start trying to read up a little and educate myself more formally on the technical aspects. I think perhaps I'll head over to B&N later. No better time than the present, right?!

Happy Anniversary, Crazy.

Well, I couldn't possibly pinpoint the exact date even if I had to, but I believe it's been just about one year since I came down with "the fever". Baby Fever, that is. I've always wanted kids, but I had no idea what it really meant to want kids until "it" hit me. Whoa. I was NOT prepared. I wish it was a real "fever" - a biological illness with clear blood work markers that I could use to prove to my husband just how serious it is. Physical evidence would be helpful. All the evidence I've got is locked away inside my head, which just makes me look like a crazy person. I suppose there might be some hormonal evidence lurking in my bloodstream, but I'm pretty sure that having blood drawn to check my estrogen level as proof of some life-threatening baby fever infection would REALLY make me look like a crazy person. Oye. What's a girl to do?

There's one obvious solution, of course. But I "can't" do that right now. Or so I'm told. For a long time it's sorta been the running joke... "Awww, Jenna wants kids so bad she's losing her mind... too bad she can't right now..." But that statement is beginning to feel less like a joke and more like a challenge these days. "Oh yeah? I can't have kids right now? WATCH ME." Ben said that to me yesterday, in fact. "You know it's not a good time right now. You know we can't." Actually, yes we can. It's very simple. In fact, there's still time THIS MONTH! We could do it NOW! All we have to do is... well... "do it" ;] Sure, it might not work out the very first time. So we keep going 'til it works. That's what people do! 

I know, I sound like a crazy person right?! With all that's going on in my life, it's not the greatest time. With all that's left to be done, it's not the greatest time. Then again, as so many wise mothers before me have said, "there's never a convenient time to have kids." You're never "ready" and the timing is never "perfect". But what lays ahead in the immediate future always seems too overwhelming when you add a child to the mix, so you keep telling yourself "once that's done..."

Maybe I am nuts. And if I'm not quite certifiable just yet, I will be if this keeps up much longer. That's for sure. There's only so much a girl can take! I try to laugh it off, continuing to wait patiently for "my time". But that's getting harder and harder by the minute. It's freaking painful. It's completely impossible to explain, so I won't even bother. Just trust me, it's frickin' awful. Sometimes I wonder exactly who it is that's deciding what "my time" is. Usually it just feels like it's my life circumstances that are in control... who died and made them king of the universe?! I wish it was a real person, so I could... perhaps... STRANGLE that person. Grrrrr. Yeah, I'm nuts. Definitely nuts.

Miss The Pill Series?

Yeah, I'm starting to miss it too. Maybe doing some writing that is UNRELATED to my current mini-life-crisis will help me to "get out of my head" a little! Any requests? I'm thinking... loss of libido. That's quite a paradox, don't you think?! Taking the Pill to prevent pregnancy and ending up losing your sex drive anyway... well, that's ONE way to prevent pregnancy, I suppose. Sad irony. I started to research bone loss too. Maybe I'll re-jump-start the series by sharing just how NUTS I've become, as far as the "baby fever" situation is concerned. In any case, stay tuned!