Sweet Summer Escape

That's right folks. We're bustin' outta this joint. Southbound. Beach bound. 

Don't get me wrong... I do enjoy my job. But (pardon my french) DAMN, am I ready for a break! Pregnancy has been wonderful, but it takes its toll. Waking up and hauling my large, sleepy, pregnant butt out of bed every morning is a task in and of itself, much less packing a lunch, driving to work, making it through the work day, driving home, making dinner, keeping up with the household stuff... yes, these are all things that normal people do every day. But when you add "...all while growing another human being" to the end of that sentence, well, it's another thing entirely. Pregnancy just siphons your energy - energy that you'd normally have plenty of, to pour into all of these mundane daily tasks. Not to mention the fact that you expend more energy than normal just walking around, going up a flight of stairs, etc. because you're hauling around more weight. It's like attaching a horse trailer to the back of a truck, which will cause the truck to burn more gas on its own, and then poking a hole in the gas tank. You're burning the candle at both ends, so you run out more quickly!

Anyway, I don't need to tell any of you what it's like to "need a vacation". Regardless of your chosen vocation or life circumstances, we all need a break sometimes. This one just couldn't possibly come at a better time for me. I've felt my motivation slipping at work, the heat is overwhelming (104 degrees today!), we're stressed about the house situation (still hanging in the balance!), and I'm definitely feeling the transition into my 3rd trimester. Not to mention the fact that I'm entering my 3rd trimester and still have no house (and therefore NO baby nursery and NO baby preparations completed). And not to harp on the negative, but we've dealt with some scary, stressful times in this pregnancy as well. Bottom line: it's high time for a vacation.

This year's vacation is particularly special for many reasons. #1, we've rented a fantastic, enormous beach house with Ben's family, so we'll be sharing this glorious trip with Ben's mom, step-dad, sisters and brothers-in-law and their 5 kids. To some people, that might sound like a nightmare. To us, it sounds like the recipe for an amazing vacation full of hilarity and good memories :-) We all get along famously, and I know it's going to be one for the books. Hopefully it will become a tradition. #2, I've actually never been to the Outer Banks, and am super-excited to finally experience it for the first time. I've heard nothing but great things! #3, this will be our last vacation without the responsibility of a little one... our last truly "relaxing" vacation for years to come, I'd venture to say ;-) We're really looking forward to savoring it, though part of me also wishes that our little man was going to be out there ripping and tearing with his cousins! I have the feeling that this trip is just going to serve as one more reminder of how thrilled we are to be bringing Eli into a closely-knit family full of other small children to grow up with :-) Between the amazing set of grandparents he'll have on both sides of our family and the zillion cousins he'll have on Ben's side, this is one lucky kid!

I look forward to posting lots of fun photos upon our return, so stay tuned. I haven't been great about editing my photos lately (I still have so much to share even before this vacation adds to the pile!), but I hope to pick that up again soon. Hope you all have a lovely week :-) I'm gonna go find some sand to sink my toes into!

July 15th

Tomorrow is another "big day" in our sweet little life. We'll be visiting the Johns Hopkins Maternal-Fetal Medicine Department (again) for the follow-up sonogram for our baby boy's kidney. I'm so excited to get to see him again, but I'm also feeling very anxious about the outcome. I know that our God is big enough to heal our baby, and I know that we (and so many of our friends and family, and their friends and family!) have been praying faithfully for this miracle every day for 6 weeks. But I also know that sometimes God's will for our lives doesn't include a "yes" for every prayer that we pray. He sees the big picture that we can't see, and sometimes there is a greater purpose that requires us to endure some difficult circumstances in our lives.

On the one hand, I want to go into this sonogram 100% confident that we're going to see two completely normal, healthy kidneys. I want to be bold in my faith. On the other hand, I want to prepare myself for the possibility that we may not get the immediate answer that we've been praying for. I don't want to leave the hospital tomorrow angry with God. I know darn well that anger is not the appropriate response, but I'm only human, and I'm a mother desperate to give my sweet, innocent child the best possible start in life. I don't want him to be limited in any way. I want him to have everything, but most importantly I want him to have a perfectly healthy body. I'm so desperate to find a way to give him these things, but I can't. Because I'm only human. And so my only choice has been to call upon the power of the Holy Spirit that lives in me and the power of my faith to heal my son. I've put all my eggs in this basket, and I know that it'll be a huge blow if the answer is "no". I really don't want to be angry, but just thinking about it makes me angry. What has he done to deserve any of this? Sure, I deserve all of it, but he's still innocent and blameless and he doesn't deserve any of it.

I say all that to say that we need some prayer tonight. Please continue to pray for healing for our son. Even if tomorrow isn't the day that God chooses to reveal a miracle, that doesn't mean that it won't ever happen. And please pray for Ben and I - that God will prepare our hearts for whatever is to come. Thank you all for your love and support, and most of all your PRAYERS! It feels pretty amazing to know that we have such an incredible network of people to rely on :-)

It seemed like forever...

...but I'm in a very happy pregnancy place these days :) First I thought I'd NEVER grow an impressive baby bump... then one day I had. Then I thought the 20-week sonogram would NEVER come... then it did. Then I thought I'd NEVER get to feel this baby move... and then I did. Then I thought Ben would NEVER get to feel him move... and then he did! As I've said before, pregnancy is like one big waiting game. And it's not an annoying kind of wait, like waiting for your clothes to dry, it's a DESPERATE kind of wait. Like waiting for a super-fun trip you've been planning for months, only 1000 times worse because baby stuff is 1000 times more exciting than anything you've ever anticipated before in your life.

And everyone tells you its going to fly, but it just doesn't... at least in my experience. Until now, that is. I'll say that the first 20 weeks did NOT, by any means, "fly by". I know that that has a lot to do with awaiting the anatomy sonogram, not to mention all of the angst that we dealt with during that time over the whole CF issue. It dragged on for what seemed like all 40 weeks. But these days, now that I've hit all of the milestones that I was most excited for, I seem to be relaxing and enjoying it all so much more (and we all know that "time flies when you're having fun")! I have much more energy than I did in the first trimester - they really weren't lying when they said that I'd suddenly feel human again at trimester two. I still get tired in the evenings but it's much easier to survive the work day, and that was - by far - the worst part of the first trimester exhaustion. I'm getting back to my normal activity level, cooking more, being more productive around the apartment and at work, and even blogging sometimes ;-]

The best part of this second trimester, however, has been bonding with my baby. I haven't gotten to snuggle him yet or hear his little voice, but being able to feel him so frequently now makes our relationship so much more real. Before I could feel him, my only reminder that I was pregnant was my growing belly and the few pregnancy symptoms I've had (namely the heartburn). So my brain knew that I was pregnant, and my body felt pregnant, but there was still some sort of disconnect... like it wasn't really real. I guess that feeling him move around is a constant reminder that there's a little person in there with a mind and will of his own. It's not just something going on with my body - there's a whole 'nother body in there doing its own thing! I used to feel kinda silly rubbing my belly or talking to him - even though I knew he was in there - because it still felt like I was just talking to myself. Now it's quite clear that whoever is in there is not "self" at all, it's definitely someone else entirely (as evidenced by the fact that I can't make him do anything that I want him to do - like move while Ben is trying to feel for him - no matter how hard I try)!

People always told me how neat it is to sort of have your own little secret going on inside you... to feel these movements that no one else is aware of unless you say something... and it is pretty amazing. It's just me and him... he's in there carrying on this silent conversation with me that no one else is aware of, unless I mention that he's moving around. But at the same time, being able to share that with Ben has made it so much sweeter.  In the beginning when I knew that his movements were far too subtle for anyone else to feel them from the outside, I still enjoyed being able to feel him myself but was just dying for Ben to be able to share in the experience of getting to know our son. I wanted it to start to feel more real to him the way it was feeling more real to me every day, and for him to know what it felt like to sort of "converse" with him. Now that we can share that together we're not only starting to bond with our son in a more concrete way, but it's an instant boost to our own bond as well. Watching my husband fall in love with our son just makes me fall in love with him all over again!

All in all, things are going great and we're truly enjoying this stage of our pregnancy. We're baby clothes shopping and thinking about nursery decor and not really worrying too much about the potential and existing health issues that are looming in the background. We still pray faithfully every day for healing for our little guy, and we know that our God is big enough to handle those prayer requests. Whatever is to come, He will prepare us for it and guide us through it. He has already brought us through some seriously difficult times in this pregnancy, and has shown us that His promises are real and enduring. If nothing else, bringing a child into the world will certainly stretch and grow your faith in amazing ways! It's a good thing, because I know that all of this is preparing me for the perpetual angst and worry that comes along with raising children once they're here ;-]