Baby Care Essentials

Inspired by a post that my sister-in-law penned a good while ago when her little was littler, I thought it might be useful to make a list of some of the items that I've found most helpful in our first six months of child-rearing. So, uh, here goes!

My Favorites

The Arms Reach Co-Sleeper

This "co-sleeper" is obviously not the kind of co-sleeper that one would use to sleep with a baby in their own bed - it is a free-standing bassinet that butts up against mommy's side of the bed so that baby is within "arm's reach" all night. It's fabulous for breastfeeding - you just sit up and pull the baby into bed, nurse, and lay him back down. You can enjoy some of the convenience of co-sleeping without the dangers of actually co-sleeping. As long as you're getting up to change diapers at every feeding (during the early weeks) it doesn't really make a difference what bassinet you use since you're having to get up anyway, but as you move into the phase where you're not changing a diaper at every feeding overnight, it's wonderful not to have to get up ;-) Plus, while you're super-paranoid, it's much easier to see into this bassinet from bed than one with higher sides that you'd keep further from your bed (you know, for those middle-of-the-night breathing checks)!

Graco Stylus Travel System

First of all, a travel system is the way to go - you save a lot of money by buying the car seat, base and stroller together. Now, why this system specifically? Most importantly, the Graco SnugRide car seats get top-notch safety reviews. This one comes with a SnugRide 30, which will hold infants up to 30 pounds. In my experience, you're not going to want to lug this thing around with any 30-pound infant in it, so this is PLENTY of weight limit. The padding is nice, the harness system is very easy to use, and it's relatively lightweight (I mean, you don't want the seat protecting your child in a crash to be too lightweight!). The main reason I recommend this system is for the stroller. I. LOVE. THIS. STROLLER. Easy one-hand fold, automatically locks together once you fold it (so you can pick it up without having to hold it in the folded configuration), very roomy storage basket underneath (I can fit several bags of groceries in there!), the car seat clicks in, the handle height is adjustable for people of different heights (like myself - 5'3" on a good day - and my husband - 6'3"), it's very easy to maneuver, and I LOVE the braking system - it's one lever along the bar that runs between the back wheels that you push to one side to lock it and the other side to unlock. Let me tell you something - little things like how it folds and how the brakes work can drive you BATTY if you use it a lot. Do yourself a favor and go to the store to test-drive these puppies before you make your choice!

Summer Infant Slim & Secure Digital Video Monitor

Video monitors are where it's at, people. It may seem excessive or unnecessary to some, given the popularity of the old tried-and-true audio monitors, but these are awesome for many reasons. First of all, when you're feeling paranoid (particularly in the beginning), you can check to see that your baby is breathing without disturbing him. Yes, it's that clear - even in the dark. Secondly, when your baby is crying and you're trying to wait him/her out a little (ie. when you're sleep training!), you can know for sure that he's safe and unharmed. You would otherwise worry that maybe he really did need you - that he had kicked a leg through the rungs of his crib, or had worked his way into a corner and was bumping his head or something. 

Fuzzibunz Cloth Diapers

I won't belabor this again, as I have already posted several reviews of our cloth diapering experience, but we love these things. They are practical, user-friendly, easier on the environment (and your wallet), and not nearly as scary as you think! I may follow up this post with a "Cloth Diapering Essentials" post in the near future...

The Itzbeen Baby Care Timer

This little gem is super-handy. We used it mostly for feedings and diaper changes, but it also has a button for sleep and a miscellaneous button that you could use for anything else you might find yourself needing to time, like a medication dosage for example. Anyway, you just hit any of the buttons on the right and the timer to its left begins counting, so you can always check back to see how long "it's been" since you last fed, changed, etc. In the beginning when you're doing these things so frequently (and you're so sleep-deprived) that it all runs together in your mind, this item is a must-have. It also has a button that makes the screen glow for nighttime use, as well as a bright night light that you can switch on and off to quickly see what you're doing (like when you're struggling to help your baby to latch in the dark in the middle of the night!). As if all that wasn't helpful enough, it also has a little toggle switch at the bottom that you can slide back and forth to remind yourself of which side you fed on last. It seems easy enough to remember something like that, but let me tell you... when you're feeding that frequently, nursing sessions begin to run together in your mind (not to mention the fact that it isn't "easy enough" to remember anything for the first six weeks or so of your child's life)! 

Medela Pump In Style Advanced

First things first: If you're going to breastfeed, don't let anyone tell you that you won't need your own pump. Even if you aren't planning on ever going back to work, there are a zillion reasons you'll need a pump, not the least of which being the extreme discomfort of the engorgement that you will deal with over the first week. You are not going to want to deal with a cheapy hand-pump at that particular juncture, nor are you going to be able to handle a cheapy electric pump that hurts you when you're already sore from the abuse your nipples have taken while your little one is getting the hang of things. For those reasons alone, I strongly advise that you GET A DECENT PUMP. Even if it's not this one, spend a little money on it. And get it BEFORE you have the baby. You'll want it unpacked and ready to go when you get home - trust me. You will also need it in order to store up breastmilk for mixing rice cereal and such when it's time for solids (if you want to continue avoiding formula), for date nights and other outings where you may leave your baby for a few hours, and for those occasions when you'd really like to be able to have a drink or two. Plus it's generally just good practice to store breastmilk. What if you're involved in a car accident or some other emergency and are incapacitated and unable to nurse for a day or more? You'll be relieved to know that whoever is caring for your baby has a stockpile of breastmilk to pull from. So, why this pump specifically? Well I can't comment on any other pumps (except the hospital pump which pinched like heck), but this pump has never hurt me, pumps efficiently, can pump both sides at once or just one, is very portable (comes in a carrying tote and has an a/c adapter as well as a battery pack), and comes with an insulated cooler pack for keeping pumped milk cold. It's everything you need in one little tote :-) 

Fisher Price Jumperoo

Your baby could hate it, but ours LOVES this thing. We chose to go with a jumper rather than a regular exersaucer (though we may get an exersaucer too just to switch it up), but it's a similar concept - a stationary entertainer. It's very stable and sturdy, the toys are interesting enough, it plays music in response to the bouncing (or constantly - there are two settings), and best of all it allows the baby to bounce safely (as opposed to swinging in a doorway, which always seemed like a terrible idea to me...). It's really helpful to have a safe place where your baby is well-entertained for 10 or 15 minutes at a time. These things get fabulous reviews on Amazon (including one written by yours truly!). And we picked ours up in like new condition from a consignment shop for less than half the price!

Skip Hop Activity Owl

This is just an adorable, fun toy. Eli particularly enjoyed it when he was first learning to reach out for things. It's composed of several different fabrics, crinkly wings, a little mirror, teethers than dangle, a baby owl that squeaks, a bell inside... lots of sights, sounds and textures.

Pieces of CRAP

Carters Cuddle Me Musical Bouncer

Cute, right? That's about all it is. Cute. The toys hang at a very frustrating height until the baby is almost too big for the bouncer - Eli is just now reaching them, and he weighs 20 pounds (the weight limit is 25, and I don't know that I'd trust it to 25 pounds having seen how it acts right now). The vibration feature, which is the most important feature when they're too small to make it bounce (which is the first several months), functions about 50% of the time. Yes, I've tried changing the batteries. The toy bar is VERY easy to remove - it literally just rests in the slots that hold it - and Eli regularly pulls it out now that's bigger. When he was smaller, he wouldn't pull it completely out but would regularly knock it down so that it was laying down by his feet. It's just WAY too flimsy.

Medela Nipple Shield

For the love of GOD, please don't let a well-meaning friend or lactation consultant convince you to use one of these God forsaken things. First of all, in my experience I had a lot more pinching with this thing than with direct latching - it didn't by any means "protect" me. I started using it at the suggestion of the lactation consultant (who was otherwise a LIFE SAVER - I still love her!) because I was quite engorged in the hospital, which made my nipples rather flat and made it difficult for him to latch. It took me til about 8 weeks to get him to latch directly to me because long after we stopped "needing" it, he was so used to the plastic feel and easy latch that he'd just cry and refuse if I tried to go bare. "Why not just keep using it?" you might ask... Because it's a pain. It fills up while he's nursing and then he flings an arm or something and knocks it out of place, splattering milk everywhere. It has to be cleaned after every feeding. It pinches. It's stupid. Avoid it at all costs. Be patient and give your baby some time to learn to latch properly - it's a learned skill and it may take a few days, but it's worth your patience!

Pampers Swaddlers Sensitive Diapers

We changed our baby at least once every two hours - we had the ItzBeen timer to keep us on track - but we had the worst time with these diapers! I can only describe it as an explosion. If they got too saturated, the diaper would release zillions of teeny tiny beads of gel - what I can only assume is the absorptive material - which were then stuck ALL OVER my baby's bottom. And they didn't wipe off easily, they'd just slide around his skin as we wiped, getting into every nook and crease. We'd be standing there all hunched over the changing table manually picking little bits of this gel crap off of our newborn, who would, of course, invariably pee or poop during this extended diaper-less period. Maybe they just couldn't handle that much liquid (well, obviously they couldn't), but any diaper that has to be changed every hour on the hour in order to avoid that kind of issue isn't worth your money. Save yourself the trouble and get some Huggies Little Sungglers. You won't be sorry.

Though it may have been exhausting to read through all of that, I'm sure it's far from an exhaustive list. I'm sure there will be a part 2 post some day, as I come up with more items that I just have to add to the list! For now, please feel free to chime in with some of your must-haves and the items that you hated or never used - I'm sure we could all benefit from our collective experience!

Quick photo update + MYO baby food adventures!

I seriously have about 4 unfinished posts lingering in my post list. I start writing, decide it's stupid or I'm just not writing well, and hit "save" and figure I'll come back to it later. Now here I am, having not posted in... however long it's been... with all of this probably-post-worthy but unfinished material. GAH. Sorry.

So what have we been up to in the interim? "What haven't we been up to?" is probably the better question.

Our niece's 2nd birthday...

The CF Walk...

(...from which I only narrowly escaped with my vision intact)

(photos stolen from my SIL Emily's facebook page!)

...And our sweet baby boy turned 6 months old!!!

Can you even believe it?! Along with Eli's half-birthday came fruits and veggies (and learning to make my own baby food), the transition to crib sleeping at night, and the realization that August is just around the corner (also known as The Great Day Care Hunt). 

Don't be too impressed about the whole MYO baby food thing (or maybe you weren't impressed anyway...) - it's really just a matter of figuring out how best to soften, puree and store everyday fruits and veggies from the grocery store! I've found Momtastic's Wholesome Homemade Baby Food website to be EXTREMELY helpful. So many baby food recipes just say "bake" or "steam", then "puree" or "mash", and "thin" or "thicken" and then "freeze", with very little detail on exactly how one should "bake" or "puree" or "freeze". Let me tell you, there's a best way to do these things, and trying to fly by the seat of your pants can be quite frustrating. 

I started out just trying to do it on my own. I microwaved some sweet potatoes, scooped out the "meat", mixed with a hand mixer (adding filtered water to thin as needed), and spooned it into baby food storage containers that I bought at Target. It looked like a pretty well-pureed mixture. Once thawed, it was far thicker than when I had frozen it. Not a terrible thing - just means you can thin it and make it stretch farther. But I quickly realized that it wasn't homogeneous enough - there were still tiny lumps and the texture seemed to bother him. It wasn't a nice, smooth, uniform puree like the baby food from the store :-( At the same time I was making the sweet potatoes I also mashed some bananas with a fork (which is, believe it or not, a recommended method). I mashed and mashed until I could mash no more. It was pretty well mashed. Then I froze it. And it turned brown. And it was still kinda lumpy. And I was ticked. And I ended up dumping it all... 5 bananas down the drain (literally). 

Then I consulted Momtastic, bought some butternut squash and organic apples, and made the best squash puree and baby applesauce you've ever tasted! I cut the squash in half and baked it open-side-down in a few inches of water, peeled, cored and sliced the apples into cubes and baked them in enough water to cover them, threw them in the blender, hit "puree", added some of the baking water to thin as needed (which also adds back any nutrients that may have leeched out during baking), and "Voila!" SO much easier and the end results were both fantastic. Looks (and tastes) just like store-bought baby food, but I know exactly what's in it because I made it myself :-) 

I started out using the Baby Brezza baby food maker's storage container system (because they were the only baby food storage containers in stock at Target the day I went looking, and I was anxious). I still have them (and have food in them) for now, but I'm not a big fan for several reasons...

• The lids are a pain to take off, and they don't really "snap" on like it seems that they should, so you're never quite sure that they're on all the way.
• They have this useless dial thing on top to select a day of the week (presumably the day you made the food), but if you're storing for longer than a week what good does that do you? It would just be an extra feature that I didn't use, except that it traps water and never seems to dry all the way, which bothers me.
• It's no fault of these specific containers, but I quickly realized that it's difficult to microwave-thaw a compact container of a thick substance. It obviously heats very unevenly, but since it's concentrated and compact, I found that the top and sides were very quickly boiling and popping (and making a mess) while the rest of it was still frozen solid. Thawing these containers in hot water is a painstakingly slow process - when I do that, I thaw it just enough that the frozen block of food will slide out into a bowl and then microwave it.

Better system: the old tried-and-true ice cube trays. Momtastic suggests pouring your puree into the tray, letting it freeze, and then transferring the cubes to freezer bags, which I find to be a great system. That way you can keep using the trays for more/other foods that you're making (so you don't have to buy a bunch of trays to store everything in), and a bag of ice cubes can be shoved into any number of differently shaped/sized spaces in the freezer, as opposed to a big tray. A standard ice cube tray makes 1-ounce cubes, so you have little single-ounce servings and you can pull as few or as many as you need for a particular meal. And you can stick the cube in a microwave-safe bowl to quickly thaw it in the microwave (obviously being sure to stir it up very well and test it before serving, since microwaves do create hot spots!), or stick it in a ziplock and submerge it in warm water if you have time to do a slower thaw. 

In the interest of actually posting a post for a change, I'm going to stop here. I'll get back to the sleeping-in-his-own-room thing and discuss our day care hunt in a new post, hopefully sometime soon!

Help Us Find a Cure for Cystic Fibrosis

Our smart, beautiful, bubbly niece Lacy Bonner was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when she was just 8 months old, weighing only 10 pounds and struggling to survive. In 2010 when my husband and I learned that we would soon give birth to our first child, we also found out that we are both carriers of CF genetic mutations, such that each of our children will have a 25% chance of being born with CF as well. Praise the Lord, our son Eli was born free from CF, but all of our future children will face that same risk.

CF is a genetic disease that affects the mucus membranes of the body, most notably the lungs and pancreas. In the lungs, thick sticky mucus builds up, traps bacteria and causes infection and the accumulation of lung damage over time. In the pancreas, the same stubborn mucus clogs the ducts that deliver necessary enzymes to the digestive tract, hindering proper digestion and absorption of nutrients. To learn more about CF and the CF Foundation, visit my Cystic Fibrosis Page or www.cff.org.

As a result of the incredible strides that have been made in CF research and therapies, Lacy is now an active 12 year old girl, excelling in school, enjoying friends and family, and staying healthy. The CF Foundation is a generous funding source for much of the research that has contributed to Lacy's success story. Thanks to the Foundation, ground-breaking new drugs and therapies are emerging that give my husband and I renewed hope for the future of our children. It is through the generous support of CF families and their friends that the Foundation is able to so actively support research and the search for a cure!

Great Strides is the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's largest and most successful national fundraising event. This year, I'm walking in the Great Strides walk at the Hunt Valley walk on May 6th. Please help me meet my fundraising goal of $500 by sponsoring me. Your generous gift will be used efficiently and effectively, as nearly 90 cents of every dollar of revenue raised is available for investment in vital CF programs to support research, care and education.

Making a donation is easy and secure! Just visit my Great Strides Fundraising page to make a donation that will be credited to my team. Any amount you can donate is greatly appreciated!

Together, we can make a difference in the lives of those with CF! Thank you for supporting the mission of the CF Foundation and Great Strides!

Before & After: The Kitchen is DONE!

Before...

...After!

 Before...

 ...After!

It looks bigger, brighter, and better than ever! We couldn't be more thrilled! If I may make a quick plug for our fabulous contractor... the work was done by Anthony Restivo of Direct Contracting, LLC (directcontractingLLC@gmail.com).

...And on (what seems like) the 154th day, he rested. 

Sleep Learning: Part Two

Go catch up on part one!

I think that the single most helpful element of this book was the sleep schedule. Good naps = good nighttime sleep (I have found this to be absolutely true!), and once we got naps under control everything else started to fall into place.

It seems so intuitive and obvious now, but I just didn't have a clue how to schedule his naps. I tried - for weeks on end - to watch him closely, read his signals, and let him "settle into" his own nap schedule. Well, that was a massive flop. For one thing, he just never settled into a schedule. I honestly can't even give you an example of a typical day because it varied so much! It didn't help that I (apparently) wasn't 100% committed to letting him lead. Looking back, I can see that I was constantly "trying" this and "trying" that... two naps, three naps, one nap, napping here, napping there, napping with music, napping without music, swing swinging, swing not swinging, swaddle, no swaddle, nursing to sleep, laying him down awake, picking him up when he cried, not picking him up... chaos. I had no clue what I was doing, and I felt that strongly. How was I ever going to find that magical combination of conditions with so many variables in play? When he would wake up and cry, I didn't even know for sure whether I was being realistic in expecting him to sleep any longer. I didn't know whether I had laid him down at an appropriate time or whether he had slept long enough, whether I should be trying to do something about it or just going in and getting him. I felt so helpless and frustrated.

The sleep schedule gave me a concrete framework to work from, and (lo and behold) I quickly found that it was also spot-on in terms of his sleep cues. Once I was looking for cues at a particular interval, I began to notice more subtle ones, and they very consistently cropped up right around the time that the sleep schedule would predict. Now he rarely gets super-cranky, because the schedule catches him before he reaches that point, and he goes down without a fight because the timing of the nap, or bed time, is appropriate. Once I knew that I was doing the right thing, I had the confidence to implement the check-in plan knowing that it was definitely nap time, and that he definitely needed the sleep. That confidence has made all the difference for me. While it was tough letting him do some crying and self-soothing (the few times that I had to do the check-ins), knowing that I was doing the right thing helped me to stay strong because I wasn't second-guessing myself the entire time. After about 3 days he was napping much better and the bulk of the crying was over, and after about 5-6 days I can honestly say that he was completely done with the crying jags. He might wake up and fuss a few times during a nap, but only for about 30 seconds at the very most - he almost immediately puts himself back to sleep if he wakes up early. He might change the position of his head or roll onto his side or his belly, but he just sucks on his fingers and drifts right off to sleep. It's incredible.

Quick aside: We also made the decision to go ahead and move him to his crib for naps while we were at it. If we were going to go through a tough sleep learning process we might as well get it all over with at once. I didn't want to get things all squared away only to completely change his sleep environment in a few weeks and essentially start all over again.

Nighttime was a little tougher because he's still in his bassinet in our room, so "checking in" was more like sitting up and making myself visible to him, versus hunkering down under the covers and stealthily scooching away from him so that he couldn't really see me. I'll admit that this arrangement was not exactly ideal, and I second-guessed myself a lot as a result. I wondered whether I was being terribly unfair to him, since he obviously knew that I was still there whether he could see me or not. It took a little longer to work out the nighttime kinks as a result, and it was much more difficult to lay there next to him listening to him cry (particularly at 3am!) than to listen from another room. It took 4 or 5 nights, some better than others, for him to stop having crying jags in the middle of the night. These crying fits (both day and night) rarely lasted beyond the second check-in, and I usually didn't ever have to check in a second time - he would almost always put himself to sleep before 10 minutes were up. He did make it beyond the second check-in a few times, and once or twice even made it to a 15-minute check-in. I won't sugar-coat it... those were really trying and I did plenty of my own crying right along with him. But it's also important to remember that we were having ugly sleep battles prior to this, during which he (and I) would quite often be crying off and on for as long as an hour or even an hour and a half - this was a major improvement, and he was learning to self-soothe in the process.

We found that light background music and white noise (a fan) help to distract him from the fact that he is otherwise alone and help keep him from ever getting worked up. Laying him down awake (groggy, but not asleep) was really important, and I feel that having the background noise was the key to his success in falling asleep on his own. We discovered that music helped one night when he was really giving us a fit at bed time - we had friends over at the time, and one of them suggested it so we gave it a try. It took less than a minute for him to settle down once we snuck into the room and turned it on, and we've been using it ever since! We don't play it all night, just until we go up to bed, but I do let it play during his naps. Once he could put himself to sleep initially, he quickly got the hang of doing it whenever he woke during the night. By night two - no exaggeration - I was hearing him wake up, rustle around and maybe make a few little fussy noises, suck on his fingers, and then... nothing. Back to sleep all on his own. Multiple times a night. Of course over the first few nights there were some wakings that didn't go so well, but I was just blown away by how quickly he started soothing himself back to sleep - it was almost immediate.

I can't say enough about having a concrete plan to work with - it made all the difference for us. While my intentions were noble, allowing my infant to work out his own sleep schedule was just total chaos. I wouldn't expect him to be able to manage any other part of his care, so I'm not sure what I really expected. I suppose I was just hoping that his biological circadian rhythms would take over, but he didn't yet have a "rhythm" to work with - his poor little body didn't know where to start. First I got the help I needed to make sure that he was in a good sleep environment, and learned a few tricks along to way to make it even better - he sleeps in a darkened room (blackout curtain, $15.99 at Target) with background music and a fan for white noise. Then we implemented a sleep schedule that quickly put his body into a rhythm, making it easier and easier to lay him down because his body was ready for sleep - he wakes 11-12 hours after bed time, his first nap begins 2 hours after wake time and his second nap begins 2 1/2 hours after his first nap ends. Sometimes (depending on the duration of his naps) he'll take a short third nap in his swing to get him through the evening. After a few tough days, we were through the worst of the crying and well on our way toward peaceful sleep for our little one.

Now, many of those crucial factors have become less crucial. We were serious sticklers for about three weeks, but having been consistent for that long has really cemented his routine and his sleep skills. Now it's not a huge deal if he falls asleep nursing and I lay him down already asleep, because he is more than capable of putting himself to sleep if he wakes early. It was necessary to lay him down awake for a while in order to give him the opportunity to learn that skill, but now that he has learned it he's fine either way. We try hard to stick to his schedule but the weekends are tough, and again, it's not as big a deal now that he has a solid set of sleep skills. He's far more flexible, and missing a nap doesn't completely ruin his nighttime sleep as it used to.


Very long story short, commitment and consistency really paid off, and it didn't take long at all for us to be enjoying better sleep for the whole family, and a much happier, better-rested baby. He was a serious grouch there for a while, and we were beginning to wonder where our laid-back, easy-going baby had gone! With better sleep, I am noticing huge improvements in his overall mood and he seems to be exploding developmentally, suddenly rolling over constantly, pushing up on his arms, and sitting up very well. (Another quick aside: For the longest time I was really worried about him not rolling over much - he had done it a few times but for several weeks just didn't seem to be able to figure out that he could do it at will. Over the past week or so, he has completely mastered back-to-belly rolling and does it with ease every time I lay him on his back.) I would highly recommend The Sleepeasy Solution as a middle-of-the-road sleep training method that is reasonable to implement and yields fast, lasting results. Sleep training is tough no matter how you slice it, but it has done wonders for our little man and was absolutely worth the temporary struggle.

Painted Into a Corner

Again with the paint swatches. Lord help me.

You must understand a few things about me. First of all, I am a left-handed, aesthetic-obsessed, type-A perfectionist. That alone puts me at a serious disadvantage when it comes to "gettin' er done" around the house. I agonize. The other thing is that we just moved into our first home with a fresh, clean canvas to decorate, and I want it done right. I have the opportunity to start fresh and coordinate everything so that it all flows naturally from room to room. I have taste, I enjoy decorating, and I want this place to reflect that. I want people to come in and say "Wow, your house looks really nice!" Don't we all? I guess the point is that some people care about aesthetics more than others, and I care a lot.

I do this zillion-swatches-all-over-my-walls thing just about every time I paint nowadays (thanks in large part to my sister-in-law). So many things affect how a color will look on a wall, from surrounding colors to lighting to finish, and I want to see how a color looks in my space before I invest the time and money in putting it on the wall. It can be a little exhausting, but we've all been burned by a bad paint choice once or twice and I'm working hard to avoid that!

Well, it appears that I've already failed. 

On their own, these two colors are divine. I love them both. I'm sure that you can see, however, that they don't look so hot when applied to adjacent walls, as in the photo above. They're too close yet not close enough, know what I mean? On the left is Valspar's Frappe, the freshly-painted color on our kitchen walls. On the right is Allen + Roth's Portland (also from Lowe's) at 25% strength, which is on most of our living/dining room walls...

...except for an "accent corner" in the living room. The light wall is Portland, the darker is City Chic from the Lowe's Creative Color line.

Our original plan was to take Portland through the entryway which is adjacent to our kitchen, as it is located in the front of the house. In the photo below, you can see a little strip of brown wood on the left - that's the end of a cabinetry panel enclosing our refrigerator. That should give you an idea of the floor plan - the entryway opens right into the kitchen. We just can't have those two colors that close to one another - Portland is out for the entryway. 

Option #2 was to continue Frappe out of the kitchen and into the entryway. Well, that still leaves them up against one another at the other end of the entryway, which opens into the Portland-colored living/dining room. So, Frappe is also out for the entryway. We already have 3 different colors on our very open main level, and I really hesitate to introduce yet another new color. We tried a nice muted grey-blue, but it just made the Frappe look green...

It's really tough to see in this photo, but trust me. Green.

  

Purples actually "go" very nicely with the other two colors when you hold all the swatch cards together. However, you've seen in the photo above how tight our entry space is, so I'm trying to be very careful not to go too dark with the walls. I'm not sure if you've ever tried to look for a light purple that's not lavender, but trust me. It's tough. The search continues.

I'm considering being boring and just going bright white with it. Can't go wrong there, right? And white doesn't have to be boring - I could dress it up with some chic, vibrant wall decor. I'm also searching for a color that's a shade or two darker than Frappe, to increase the contrast with the Portland while still "going" with the Frappe, all while not going so dark as to further shrink our already small entryway. 

With that, we're off to Sherwin Williams for inspiration (and paint samples!). I've already scoured the choices at Lowe's ad nauseum, and next will be Home Depot - SW is just closer ;-) 

Oh, and while we're on the topic of home decor, can I just brag about our new area rug, on its way from RugsUSA to our humble abode as we speak...

We got a 6x9 (35% off, I might add) in eggplant purple for our living room. I'm beyond stoked.

Sleep Learning: Part 1

Whew! Now that I'm caught up on my pending Draw Something games, I can finally blog about our sleep learning adventures :-) Get yourself a snack and refresh your cup of coffee before you sit down to read this novel. I promise it'll be worthwhile, but it's a commitment!

Let me start by saying that I know that we haven't had it nearly as rough as some new parents. On the other hand, though, I think that any new parent will tell you that regardless of the severity or duration of your sleep problems, they are - far and away - the most trying part of early parenthood. Patience wears thin in the dark. Tolerance flies out the window. Irritation and frustration are disproportionately amplified. Everything feels worse at night.

The first 6 or 7 weeks are a blur to me. I know that I woke up a lot to feed him, but that was to be expected - nothing out of the ordinary. I do remember that our first few nights with him were rough, but we quickly settled into a reasonable pattern and we survived. Miraculously, around 7-8 weeks, my sweet little darling started sleeping 6 hours stretches, and by 10 weeks we were getting a solid 8 hours straight. That lasted about a month - around 3 1/2 months we were suddenly back to square one, waking to feed every 1 1/2-2 hours. It was quite a shock to my system. I held out hope that it was "just a phase". At our 4-month check-up with the pediatrician, she advised us that he really ought to be able to go at least 6 hours at night between feeds, and so we should try to see if he would go back to sleep without feeding. Lo and behold, we tried and it worked - he didn't really need to eat, he just needed help getting back to sleep.

That was when we realized that we had a "sleep problem". At first, it was no big deal to just pick him up and snuggle him back to sleep a few times a night. When this "problem" spread to nap time, I knew we were in trouble. At night, he would go back to sleep with help - it was dark, his body was programmed to be asleep, and he was still tired. At nap time it was light out, and he wasn't on any kind of "schedule" that had him programmed to be sleepy. If he woke up after 20 or 30 minutes (and he often did), he'd had enough sleep that he would have a very difficult time drifting off again even with my help. And so we fought, constantly. I spent weeks trying to let him set his own nap schedule, hoping he'd settle into some sort of pattern that never materialized. He was sleep-deprived and grouchy during the day (all day every day) and the night wakings were getting worse and worse. I tried to let him self-soothe at night in hopes that he'd apply those skills at nap time, but it rarely worked at night, much less during the day. I stopped picking him up and just tried to help him find his fingers to suck on, but I could tell that I was frustrating him - I was there and interacting with him and touching him, but not picking him up. Those fights would last as long as an hour and a half sometimes... it was brutal. I would often cave, pick him up and hold him in my lap to help him settle down, and then put him back in his bassinet to start over again. No two nights were ever the same, with respect to both his behavior and my responses.

I really hated the idea of trying to force my child into a pattern through some sort of formal "training" process. It just felt wrong to me. After about a month and a half of trying to figure it out on my own, though, I realized that I was "sleep training" him... just informally. And then I realized that being informal, while it made me feel better, also meant that I was being inconsistent and haphazard, sending mixed signals and really frustrating him. I had the best intentions - I wanted to let him lead and figure out what was going to work for him. As a result, I was constantly "trying" this and "trying" that, trying to stick to some "plan" that was too loose to be called a plan anyway. Things were always changing, from where he slept, to when he slept, to how many times a day he slept, to how I responded when he woke... poor kid.

I started noticing that the more I "helped" him (or did things that I thought were helping him), the more upset he got. I began to feel like I had no clue what I was doing - how could I even know when he really needed to be sleeping and when he didn't, when I should try to get him to sleep longer and when I should just get him up, how to get him to settle down once he was awake and upset? I felt completely helpless and frustrated, and it became clear to me that I was doing him a disservice just flying by the seat of my pants like that. As a parent, it was my responsibility to do something about what was obviously becoming a terrible situation. He wasn't getting good sleep, he was constantly cranky, nights were getting worse and worse... it just wasn't healthy for anyone, and what I was doing clearly wasn't working.

The solution certainly involved some crying, but no more crying than was already happening on a daily (and nightly) basis! Looking back, I feel far more guilty about what I was doing to him before when I thought I was avoiding "letting him cry". Instead, I was making him cry longer and harder, but I only know that now because I gave him a chance to show me how quickly he is capable of settling down on his own. There have been a few really tough nap times and crying jags in the middle of the night, but only a handful. Overall, I have been tremendously impressed with how quickly he has developed his own self-soothing skills - I just had to pull back a little and give him the time and space to do so. It hasn't been without difficulty, of course. Babies (like adults!) are resistant to change, and as I mentioned, there was certainly a handful of very resistant episodes that tried my resolve beyond what I thought I could bear. But the times that I've had to let him cry over the past few weeks, it has been for a purpose (as opposed to the crying he was doing before) - he has learned so much and made tremendous progress. Learning to sleep is a life skill that he needs, not just because we all need sleep, but because his little developing brain and growing body desperately need sleep nutrition as much as they need food to eat and air to breathe.

Most of us take sleep for granted - we know how to close our eyes, relax our minds and bodies and allow sleep to overtake us. Babies have to learn how to do that - they don't just naturally settle down when their minds are racing and it's time to sleep. It's all well and good for them to have our help in falling asleep initially (nursing, rocking, etc), but what happens when they wake in the middle of the night? They need to have those same conditions recreated in order to help them fall asleep. Same thing with napping. It's a little easier at night when their bodies are programmed to sleep for longer periods of time - it's tempting to just get up and nurse them back to sleep if they wake up every couple of hours. But when he was waking up 20 or 30 minutes into a nap and refusing to go back to sleep, I couldn't just keep nursing him every 20 minutes. Something had to change.

I did a lot of research on Amazon before purchasing a book on baby sleep - I didn't want a strict, "Ferberizing", cry-it-out method, but I could see that constantly touching him, picking him up and otherwise trying to help him to sleep myself was just making him angry. We were constantly fighting, and I wasn't winning. I settled on The Sleepeasy Solution. The method outlined in this particular book is referred to as the "Least-Cry Method" (as opposed to the two extremes, known as the "cry-it-out" and "no-cry" methods). I feel that it offers a very helpful balance of encouragement and realism, and addresses the heartbreak of listening to your child cry for any period of time. It also acknowledges the reality that all children truly are different, and some babies won't need every piece of the book's advice applied to them, making it feel much easier to tailor the plan to your situation. The authors offer practical advice for creating the necessary conditions for sleep by outlining seven "sleep stealers" to eliminate:

• No consistent bedtime routine
• Your child needs you to fall asleep
• Poor sleep environment (light, sound, safety hazards in the crib)
• Misusing sleep aids (pacifiers, music, swaddling, etc... not that you shouldn't use them, but sometimes people misuse them and they become detrimental to sleep)
• Mistimed sleep schedule (this was the biggest one for us!)
• For older children, limit testing
• Night feedings

One of the keys for me was the sleep schedule that it suggests, and it's all about intervals. That made a lot of sense to me. I never understood how I could expect him to sleep at the same times every day, since wake time and nap durations often vary quite a bit. The basic gist is:

• Wake time should come 11-12 hours after bed time. Some children do well with 10 1/2 hours, but it's only ok to settle for 10 1/2 hours if your baby regularly wakes at that time and acts well-rested.
• At 4-6 months, the first nap should start 2 hours after wake time, and the 2nd and 3rd naps should start 2 1/2 hours after waking from the previous nap. Those intervals change with age as the 3rd nap is dropped and the child develops the ability to remain awake for longer periods of time.
• At 4-6 months, your child needs 3 hours worth of naps. The goal is for each of his 3 naps to last at least 1 hour, so that by the end of 3 naps he has had at least 3 hours of sleep. 

Now, the hard part is dealing with wakings outside of this "plan". The method suggests "check-ins" at defined intervals that extend gradually - 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, etc. When your child wakes and starts crying, you give him 5 minutes before checking in. When you check in, you enter the room far enough that he can see you and talk to him in a calm and reassuring tone for no longer than 30 seconds, then leave again. The next check-in will be at 10 minutes and you'll repeat the same process.

The theory behind this method is that your child needs the opportunity to figure out what works for him as far as self-soothing is concerned. If he never has the opportunity to self-soothe, he'll never figure out what it is that he needs to do to fall asleep on his own - sucking a thumb, twirling his hair, kicking his legs rhythmically, finding a particularly comfortable position... whatever combination of factors will help him settle. Why only 30 seconds per check-in? The goal is to try not to tease or frustrate your child with your presence. If you have been picking him up and otherwise soothing him previously, your child expects that from you, and your presence in the room can feel like a frustrating tease when you don't do what he's expecting. I found that to be absolutely true for Eli - just standing there in the room with him only made him cry harder, and distracted him from any effort he may have been making to self-soothe. It's tough, because your gut tells you that your presence should be soothing, or should at least make him feel a little better. The book does recognize that your child needs to be reassured that you're still there and shouldn't just be left alone to cry indefinitely, but also offers a perspective that you may not have considered - that your extended presence may feel like a tease, and also robs your child of the opportunity to learn how to fall asleep on his own.

As with any aspect of parenting, the key is CONSISTENCY. The authors promise that if you are truly consistent, you won't be dealing with much crying at all after the first few nights, and most likely none at all after the first week. They're not kidding (in my experience). Now, if you're not being consistent, this will be a very long, drawn out, ugly process - and it's truly unfair to your baby. The few times that I was forced to cave for one reason or another, I honestly felt horrible for caving because it meant that the crying he had done was for naught. I felt worse about caving than I had felt about letting him cry in the first place. And I noticed that once we had a stretch of two or three truly consistent days, things suddenly improved dramatically.

I'll save the details of our experience and how we have implemented the plan for a "part two" post. This one has obviously gotten long enough, and I'm sure you need a potty break by now anyway. I know I do. Until next time...