"The Story"

No, not THE story (he hasn't given me the ring yet, don't get excited). This is the story of how we decided to get married. Everyone gets confused when I say I'm engaged but I don't have a ring or a proposal story :)

On Friday the 18th, I was riding home from work with my mom when somehow the whole marriage thing came up. She started in on me about how she really thought Ben and I should try to get married before we live together, how that's what God wants for us, etc., to which I responded, "but we can't afford it". I did NOT want to skip the ring and the engagement and all that just to go get a piece of paper that says we're married to make other people happy. Of course this was the wrong attitude to have - it's what would make GOD happy - but anyway... The point is, Ben couldn't afford a ring. It was going to be a long time before he'd be able to. I was already planning on saving up what I make this coming year before med school and putting it away for a wedding, but I thought that wouldn't be for another year or two. Our plan was for Ben to save up as much as he could for a year and that's what he'd spend on a ring, and then we'd get engaged, and then we'd start planning maybe for a summer 2010 wedding.

So, I got to thinking. My mom was going on and on about how God would make a way for us and He'd bless us for making the right choice if we decided to do this - how He delights in us when we chose to obey His will and wants to reward us for it. The more I thought about it, the clearer it became to me that we were waiting to get married and disobeying God all for a ring. We'd have the money to get married before med school (I was already planning on saving it up this year), we were planning on living together when I went to school (so we were already planning on being able to afford living together) - the ONLY thing holding us back was the engagement ring. Now, keep in mind, I had told Ben on more than one occasion that I was willing to settle for a smaller, less expensive ring in order to marry him sooner, but he just would have NONE of that. He loves me too much, and always wants to give me the best. Which is an OK problem to have :) I brought up the subject with him that evening, and he said he'd love to get married sooner, but there was still the ring problem, and he refused to do anything cheap to get the ball rolling.

Then, all at once, it hit me. Mom Mom's ring. I had asked my great Aunt Fran for it when my Mom Mom passed away in 2006, but she just wasn't ready to part with it. My grandfather (her brother) actually got in an argument with her about it, so it was a bit of a sore subject and I was very hesitant about calling her myself to ask about it. For some reason, Ben just decided that he should call her. Maybe she'd respond better to him (she's always LOVED him), and to the idea of him wanting to give it to me, and to the special-ness of it all. So, while I stood over the stove in his kitchen stirring some tuna helper, he went out back on the patio and gave her a call. 15 minutes later, he came inside, tried to bullshit me (because it's just what he does), but quickly caved and told me that she said yes. We couldn't believe it. I cried, of course, immediately. It was a giant wave of emotion, first about having my Mom Mom's ring (who I was very close with all my life) for the rest of my life, and then the realization that we were finally getting married. It was UN. REAL.

I still don't feel like it's real. After all this time, all this anticipation, all the dreaming and wishing and hoping I've been doing for so long, it isn't a dream anymore. Which is probably why it still feels like a dream - because that's all it's ever been for me, for SO long. I've been convinced that I wanted to marry him since I was 16! Not that I was really ready to be convinced, in hindsight, but I know that's how I felt. That's how long I've been making fake plans and wishfully daydreaming. I even had a "wedding journal" of ideas and locations and stuff, and in the calendar in the front of it I had circled a date in 2005 as our wedding day (we used to think we needed to get married before I went off to college or we'd spontaneously combust or something). Hilarious. But anyway, it's all incredibly surreal and I still have to mentally pinch myself several times a day to make sure it's all really happening. I'm really trying to sit back and enjoy it, because it's something I've been looking forward to for so long. And not just in the sense that all little girls look forward to their wedding day... in a very real and concrete sense. Knowing who it will be when you're daydreaming about it makes the anticipation so much more immediate and painful - you want so badly to be with THAT specific person for the rest of your life, and more than just the fun of weddings, you're anticipating THAT dream becoming a reality. I've watched both of his sisters and my own mother meet someone, fall in love, and get married all well within the space that we've been dating, so I've had that "it's MY turn" feeling for quite some time. And now it really is! Ben calls this whole thing "operation our turn" :) Cute.

So, that's the story. If you know Ben, you know there's always an interesting story :)