Every parent's worst nightmare

My dear, sweet Eddie is a closet DOG.

I only wish I had the pictures to prove it! He chases his tail quite enthusiastically, loves to cuddle and sit on laps, licks people, and is obsessed with the toilet. EVERY TIME you go in the bathroom and lift up the seat, he comes tearing in there like a bat out of hell, comes to a sliding halt right next to the bowl, and watches in amazement. He's just enamored. Early this morning, Edward's unhealthy potty fetish nearly killed him, in fact. Let me explain.

It's 5:10am. My alarm goes off at 5:20am, so I'm already unhappy about being awake, but I REALLY have to pee and I just know I'm going to lay there awake til the alarm goes off anyway if I don't get up and do it. So I get up and wander into the bathroom in the dark (it's getting light outside, but once I pull up the bathroom door it's just about pitch dark in there). I pick up the seat and start to turn around to sit down, and before I can begin to lower myself at all, Eddie comes tearing around the corner and I hear/feel a big SPLASH. That's right, my 12-week-old kitten is IN the toilet, at 10 after 5 in the morning. My first thought is "dear God he's going to drown!" - I'm picturing him completely submerged in toilet water gasping for air and clawing at the sides of the bowl - so I quickly flick on the light (which of course nearly blinds me, given my sleep-wake status), reach into the bowl and yank him out. Of course I've completely overestimated the severity of the situation - he's much bigger than I'm imagining him to be relative to the toilet, and he's basically just standing in there with wet paws. He didn't even seem to be in much of a hurry to get himself out. What a fool. I guess he was just thrilled to finally find out for himself what goes on in there. I grab the nearest hand towel and dry off his paws and belly through clenched teeth, toss him onto the floor, and wander back into my bedroom half-stunned. WAY too much action for 5am.

Meanwhile, dear hubby remains sound asleep, rolled up in the covers like a burrito, completely oblivious.