Is it really too much to ask?!?!

TMI disclaimer: There's a lot of boob chat in this post. Just so ya know.

In case you were wondering, here's what's bothering me these days. Bras. I've never dealt with fluctuating breast size before,  but lemme tell ya... it's a pain. First of all, I have to wear nursing bras - there's simply no point in wearing something that doesn't unclip for easy access (unless of course I just really want to be irritated all day). Now, there isn't a ton of in-store selection when it comes to nursing bras, unless you have a maternity store nearby. The ones available at Target and Kohls SUCK so far, in my humble opinion. There are one or two legitimately structured options (like, something that actually supports and shapes your larger-than-usual girls for public appearances), and the rest are these shapeless, flimsy cotton things. So just because I'm a nursing mother, I suddenly don't care what my boobs look like? If anything, I'm feeling a little self-conscious about my post-partum body and need all the help I can get to keep things lookin' perky and tight! They call them "comfort" nursing bras, like they're doing me the favor of making something comfortable. How about something I actually feel comfortable walking around in?! I'm sorry, is it too much to ask that a bra be comfortable and make me look great, and have a cup that unclips? Oh, right, I almost forgot that nursing mothers are just ruined women with floppy boobs. Might as well move into a convent and give up on ever looking sexy again.

ANYWAY, I bought 4 nursing bras online. I got a smaller size than the one (yes, ONE) nursing bra that I currently owned (a 38D from Target), which was driving me absolutely batty precisely because it has been too big ever since things settled down in there (and because the underwire (a) stabs me and (b) gets in the way when it's time to nurse). I even did some measuring in an attempt to order based on the website's size chart, but that put me in a 34B. Now, I haven't been a 34B since flippin' middle school, and the girls still haven't returned to my standard pre-pregnancy 34C. Understanding that different brands are cut differently, but knowing full well that I wasn't going to fit into any 34B, I split the difference between the too-big-Target-bra and the website's recommendation and ordered a 36C. Worth a shot, right?

But of course, what are the odds that something is going to fit sight-unseen when you're having tricky fit issues? 1 in 4, apparently. Well, I'll call it 1/2 in 4, because the one that seemed to fit OK when I tried it on proved in time to be a little small. Once I bent over for the first time, I realized it didn't fit as well as I had thought. COOL. Now I own two nursing bras, each of which drives me nuts for one reason or another.

The other three that still had their tags went back, and I decided to check my "new" Target (the Target nearest our new house), in hopes that they might have something better than the too-big, "old Target" bra. Lo and behold, there was another one that looked as though it might work - lightly padded, but with no underwire this time - so I tried on 3 different sizes to make sure that I found the right fit. While in the dressing room I went through every movement and gyration I could think of that could possibly affect the comfort, convenience and functionality of the bra, and I ended up torn between the 38C and the 36D. They were surprisingly similar in fit, believe it or not! I went with the D, figuring that it would cover me for the "fuller" times without being too big for the not-so-full times, since it fit just fine during the not-so-full time during which I was trying on said multitude of bras.

Wouldn't you know it, within 5 minutes of removing all the tags and putting it on at home, I was ready to return the dang thing. GAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Somehow I managed to miss the fact that it sat up too high in the underarm area and rubbed against the underside of my arms constantly. I wanted to cry, or punch someone (namely, Gilligan & OMalley). A few days later I finally got back around to returning it, figuring I'd just exchange it for the 38C and give that one a try (because I'm that desperate for a stinking BRA). But of course, they were fresh out of 38C's by then. Naturally.

Long story short, I'm highly irritated and walking around in a slightly-too-small bra all day every day until I get down to the mall to hit the Motherhood Maternity store, where I will buy no fewer than 42 different bras to bring home and wear around for several hours each (with tags still attached!) until I find the one, at which point I will return the other 41 losers and purchase several more of the winner, in every color and fabric available. THE END.