Alright, I try REALLY hard to avoid being one of THOSE brides. You know what I'm talking about. One of those brides who, by 5 months out, you try to avoid speaking to because she won't SHUT UP. I've known many girls who got married, and some were better than others, but I learned enough about how irritating it can be that I do pay attention to my own behavior. However, there are certain people who, because of their involvement, simply cannot be spared from it. Ben's sister Emily, for instance, gets the brunt of it. She's my matron of honor, and I probably see her once every week or two on average, and a week or two in the life of my wedding planning is usually jam-packed with progress these days. My mom, who I ride to work with every single morning, gets a lot of it too, but it gets diluted with work-talk, and since she gets the progress report in small bits every day, it's probably easier to take. And I don't feel bad with her, because she got married last March and she was DEFINITELY one of THOSE about her wedding, so I feel that gives me a certain amount of leeway to drive her nuts with my wedding banter :) I love you, Mom. Ben's mom also gets a lot of it, but she always seems so excited to hear about it! If she does get irritated with me, she sure has a funny way of showing it. I think it takes A LOT to truly drive her nuts, given the kind of person she is and the kind of irritation she puts up with on an almost daily basis. If you know her, you know what I'm talking about.
Anyway, lately, I just feel like I've been inching closer and closer to that fine line between "awww, she's so excited" and "oh my gosh SHUT UP!!!". Sometimes I just can't help myself! I want to tell people about my conundrums and choices I'm trying to decide between and such so that I can get a broad spectrum of opinions. I don't know if I'm any different from any other bride, but I have a stronger creative streak than I ever thought I had which has come out in a big way these last couple of months, and I REALLY care what this whole thing looks like. Every detail of it. I know that no one else cares what my place cards - excuse me, escort cards - look like, but I have this (probaby irrational) belief that every little detail can contribute to the overall feel of the event, and I want it all to work together. I want people to be impressed, damnit! And then there's my fear that people won't realize that I did all of it. Maybe people will assume that Turf Valley printed the escort cards and arranged them on the table with candles and INCREDIBLY tasteful flower arrangements. Maybe they'll think that Turf Valley decorated my aisle or supplied my centerpieces. Oh my goodness, I just can't think about it. Ack! When you put so much time and creative energy and MONEY and heart and soul into something, you want everyone to know how hard YOU worked. Turf Valley is making the food and setting it out/serving it - that's about it. Just so you know :) The decorating credit goes to me, and the fun credit goes to Jason, our stellar DJ, and Em and Josh, who found him first! There, I've said it.
So... while we're talking about wedding stuff... :) SO much has happened lately! Ooo, and I have a story for you! This post is going to be long, I can see it already. Where to start... our invitations arrived, and they are beautiful and everything I wanted them to be! And NOT expensive, which made me SO happy! I had no idea (pre-engagement) that invitations could cost thousands of dollars. I just didn't know that paper and ink could command that kind of coin. It's unreal.
I went to the florist last weekend, only to find out that the flowers I wanted to use for our bridesmaid bouquets (not to mention for MINE) are $9 a stem. And that's at the inexpensive florist where we live. We came up with some other ideas that I think I could be happy with, and I also found an online distributor that I can buy in bulk from (80 stems for $200) and afford my original idea, but that makes me nervous. My florist said she'd use them if I really wanted to try it, but that she'd be a little worried (if they show up and they suck, I can get a refund eventually but that won't get me flowers for my wedding day). This really was my DREAM for wedding flowers, and I really want to make it happen, but I don't want to take a stupid risk and be SCREWED on my wedding day. That's really the last thing I need. Any thoughts? I feel like if I decide not to go through with the online distributor, I need to re-think the whole thing. Which is fine, but it makes me a little sad :'(
We went to a bridal show at Turf Valley this past Friday where we got to taste lots of Turf Valley food and check out some vendors (though I already have most of those things taken care of). The hors d’oeuvres were great - I was fairly impressed, though I had already heard such great things about them that I was expecting greatness. You can look forward to bacon-wrapped scallops and crab & artichoke fondue at our cocktail hour, I'll tell you that much :) And the dinner was simply DELICIOUS. We had filet mignon that was about an inch and a half thick, cooked perfectly medium, and melt-in-your-mouth tender. Definitely planning on serving that. The filet was accompanied by three gigantic shrimp stuffed with delectable crab imperial - unfortunately you all won't be enjoying that delicacy on our day (too rich for our blood). But it gave me great confidence in the TVR chefs! I talked to another girl who's getting married there in March - she was sitting at our table - and she said that "they don't do tastings". The bridal show is apparently it. To that, I say BULLSHIT. I will not serve food that I haven't tasted, and since not all of us can afford filet and stuffed shrimp, they need to provide another opportunity to taste something else. I have never heard of such a practice - NOT doing tastings as a general rule - and I will not accept it. I WILL get bridezilla on their asses over this. I hate to do it, because my catering lady is a doll, but it's ridiculous and unacceptable to me.
***I need to pause. Barack Obama is arriving on the inaugural platform. Have you ever seen such enthusiasm and excitement at an inauguration? It's like a pep rally! I'm so excited for this country. Say what you will about the democrats as a whole, but this man is special. No one can deny that. The way he has already brought people together is simply incredible. He won't be able to keep every single promise he's made, and he won't achieve peace in the middle east, but he's going to do great things for this country. He loves this country so much, he cares so much, and he wants so much for all of us. This is a wonderful day! I hope we can all try to heal from the past and look forward with hopeful optimism - things can't help but change after today, and we can either look forward with hope and embrace it, or look back with anger and resist it. Let's show the world how united we can be, and what we're capable of when we do unite.
Whew. Dry the tears. Back to the bridal show... we all had a GREAT time :) Ben was there (I wouldn't have asked him to come if it weren't for the food tasting business, which he really needed to be involved in), along with both of our moms and Ben's two sisters. Ben and his sisters provided the entertainment for the evening - they are a riot when they all get together and they're all in the right mood! I love how close they are and how much fun they have together. I'm so glad that my kids will have that kind of example to look to as they grow up. It seems like so many grown siblings avoid each other like the plague, dislike and even "hate" eachother. It's so sad. And since I don't have any siblings, it's comforting to know that my kids will still have an example of what family really means between siblings. And it's been such a joy to become one of their siblings myself over time, and to get to be involved in that. I really feel like I've been able to experience some of what it's like to have siblings through Ben and his sisters, with the added benefit that I essentially get only the good parts :) Growing up I always told my friends that I wished I had siblings, and they all UNANIMOUSLY and emphatically replied, "NO YOU DON'T!!!"I guess I got to miss out on the annoying parts and just enjoy the fun parts. Plus there are no brothers in my scenario here :)
On with the wedding stuff... I think we've decided on tuxes, which was a bit of a battle. Maybe "battle" isn't the right word, but it was difficult. His perspective focuses on the individual groomsman. Will he look good? Will he feel "gay"? Will he ever forgive me for making him wear this? Like his friends will hate him for life if there is so much as a stripe of purple in their entire ensemble. He's very concerned about this. And, realistically, his groomsmen are HIS friends, and he should get to choose what they wear. They're his guys. But seriously, if I left it up to him... I shudder to think of the outcome. If you've seen Dumb and Dumber, I'm thinking something along those lines. So I do need to have some input. For the sake of my photos, I need some input. My perspective, on the other hand, focuses on the entire picture. All 11 of them (8 groomsmen, an usher, a ring bearer and Ben) standing in a row, side by side. The entire bridal party - girls in a row on one side and guys in a row on the other, with Ben and I in the middle. I'm putting the colors together in my mind and trying to keep things balanced, trying to make sure they look sharp but not overly formal for our outdoor garden ceremony, thinking about how they'll look at the reception when their jackets are off and they're just wearing a shirt, vest and tie (and pants, of course!). These things aren't exactly on Ben's radar. He's just freaking out about the "gay" factor. So anyway, he could decide in about three minutes if given a book of 5 tuxedo samples and 5 vest & tie combinations. Just as long as it isn't the least bit "feminine", he's in. The problem comes when the bride has planned for dark red and deep purple dress/flower combinations, and wants the groomsmen to match. HERE we go. So I think we've found a reasonable compromise. The girls are wearing dark red dresses, so the guys will have dark red vests and ties. There, they match. And without going into too much detail (I don't want to give it all away before the big day!), Ben also got to infuse a little of his own personality into the ensemble (by my suggestion, of course, because I know him better than he knows himself). We went to two different places and looked and samples (with the intention of making decisions and setting things up for real) and had to just come home and mull it over because I just couldn't do it on the spot. I felt like he was a little annoyed, although he claimed to be fine, but in the end we made a decision that we're both much happier with. I think we would've just felt rushed and pressured and just picked something if we had stayed at the store. We tried to go back yesterday to set things up since we've made our decision, but then it SNOWED all morning and afternoon. We left for the bridal shop, and turned around about 3/4 of a mile from my house when we slid out onto Route 32. Oh well.
And finally, here's "the story" I said I had for you. It's not that great of a story - don't get too excited - but it deserves telling. We went to the bakery on Saturday for our cake tasting and design appointment. Important background info - Turf Valley pays for our cake as part of our package, so we didn't have a choice on who to use, but it's Debi's Cake Studio and she has won The Knot's "Best of Weddings" awards so I wasn't worried or upset about not having a choice. It's not like it's some random crappy place that no one has ever heard of. If The Knot approves, how bad can it be? So anyway, back to the story. We plugged the address into my new GPS and the Garmin couldn't find it. Hmm. On the business card, the city was "Baltimore" but I knew the road name and I knew it probably wasn't inside the beltway so I tried Catonsville, but it didn't find the address there either. When I just typed the address in without specifying a city first, the Garmin found it in Pikesville. Ahh. Makes sense based on my knowledge of where that road is. So we set out for Pikesville, though we were a little hesitant since the Garmin didn't find it initially. So, if you know Route 26, as you head east it quickly becomes a questionable area. Once you pass Lyons Mill Road, you enter Randallstown and then Pikesville and then you begin to feel the urge to lock your doors. We followed the GPS's directions, and it took us into this industrial park type area. Hmm. When we arrived at the address listed on the business card, the front of the building looked nice (MUCH nicer than the surrounding abandoned-looking buildings!), but the sign was for a mortgage company. Again, Hmm. We could see around the side of the building a beat-up, old sign that said "Try our Cheesecakes" hanging on a chain link fence. It did say something about cake, but I thought "surely this can't be it". So I called, but sure enough, the lady on the other end said "Yeah, just park around the side of the mortgage company building, walk through the chain link fence and come in the side door!" Great. I love to hear "just walk through the chain link fence" when I'm going to taste wedding cake. So we parked, put Ben's radar detector and my GPS in my purse, double-checked the locks, and went inside. Here's the scene: Not a light on in the place, we enter through a long, concrete hallway. There's a door on the right - dark inside. There's an entryway on the left, opening to a huge warehouse-like space, also all concrete and dark, except for the light coming from the very end of it where we could see lots of mixers and ovens and such. So it is, in fact, a bakery. Slightly reassuring. We continued to the end of the hallway looking for signs of life, only to find another large, open room with some crap in it, but no people. We turned around and began to walk back through the hallway, thinking we must have missed something, and when we passed the huge warehouse-like space and looked in again, a short, rotund little lady said "Hi! You can go into the office - Debi will be right with you!" as she shuffled toward us. We're thinking "Office? You say that as if there's actually an office out here..." So we went through that first dark door that we had seen on the way in. Sure enough, when Ben flicked on the lights, it was an office. A large, old, cluttered office, but an office nonetheless. There were two separate workstations, both equally covered in papers and crap, a few 60's "leather" couches in the middle with some sort of coffee table, like a makeshift waiting area, and a small table with a few chairs around it and a cruddy-looking vinyl tablecloth that had definitely seen better (and cleaner) days. I assumed that this would be the table where we'd taste cake samples. I was right. Ugh. This little lady tried to settle us in and gave us a few falling-apart portfolio books to look at while we waited. We knew that the "good" books were probably still in someone's car, because we had looked at them the night before at the bridal show where we first met Debi. I could forgive a little bit of disorganization the day after a bridal show that they had participated in. But the presentation of this business was, in a word, atrocious. When she left us to wait for Debi, Ben and I commented on how horrified we were that Turf Valley would send people to this place. I don't mean to be snooty, but we are spending A LOT of money with these people. And I'm sure we're on the modest end of the money that Turf Valley brings in for weddings - I can't imagine them sending the REAL money-spenders to this place. I could definitely see people turning around and leaving without even getting out of the car, only having seen the outside of the building. It was just unreal. The cake was delicious, Debi was very sweet and accomodating of our ideas, and her cakes look beautiful - I have no concerns about how our cake will turn out. But the experience was just ridiculous. All she needs to do is pick up her plate of cake samples and a few portfolio books, get in the car, and meet people in a hotel lobby or something. If she can't keep up with the clutter or whatever, then DON'T BRING CUSTOMERS THERE! Ack! I think I'm going to say something to our Catering lady at Turf Valley. I don't want Debi to lose business, because she's a very nice lady and I'm sure she's going to do a great job, but Turf Valley should really be more concerned with the presentation of the business that they're forcing their customers to use. Yikes!
So, this post has gotten ridiculous and I think it's time to let you all go. Thanks for reading and letting me expel some of my bridal gushing, for the sake of those who have to live with me on a daily basis :) They thank you, I'm sure.
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