Fathers Day has always been 100% about my dad (as well it should be). I am incredibly blessed when it comes to parentage - I had a pretty perfect childhood with pretty wonderful parents. They have always been loving, caring, compassionate, encouraging... just so good to me. I don't ever remember a time in my life when I didn't feel like my parents were proud of me - they told me all the time. I have always been a daddy's girl, to my core, so Fathers Day has always been special to me, and I've always wished that I could do more to make it extra special. Unfortunately, there's just no way to put that kind of love and appreciation into word or deed. It just can't be done. Instead, I just try to make sure that I never ever take either of my parents for granted, and that I never forget how blessed I am to have had two loving, supportive parents to raise me.
This year, my thoughts on Fathers Day were shaken up a bit. Suddenly it's not just about my dad - it's about my baby's dad, too. Not only is that cool and special in its own right, but it's kind of profound too. When I think about what my dad has always meant to me and try to extrapolate that to a relationship between my husband and this precious little boy who we haven't even met, it just blows my mind. I practically grew up with my husband - we've been together since we were 13 and 15. I knew him when he was still a kid himself, and watched him grow into a man. This guy - my wonderful, crazy, strong, devoted, caring, hysterical husband - is going to be that man for our baby boy. A father. An adoring, supportive, proud father, just like I have. What makes it even more incredible is that my husband didn't have any kind of role model growing up as far as fathering was concerned, yet he's already proving to be such a naturally paternal guy. It makes me feel doubly blessed to have him around - suddenly he's not just a fantastic husband anymore, but more importantly, he's becoming a fantastic father too, right before my eyes.
This pregnancy has already been incredibly trying, for both of us. It has been such an emotional roller coaster, and it has forced us to grow together in ways that we never anticipated. We've had to come together to make some of the most difficult decisions of our lives, and have leaned on each other pretty hard. We have each had to step up and play the role of the strong supporter while the other was breaking down, and have traded places a thousand times. We were more or less thrown into the deep end of the "becoming a parent" pool. The very first time we saw our little baby bean and heard his heart beat at 8 weeks, we found out that I was a CF carrier. A month later came that news that Ben was a carrier too, and that our baby might have CF. In two more months, we would experience the magic of seeing our little boy's face for the very first time, and moments later we'd be told that he only has one functioning kidney. And you know what? All of that wasn't just happening to me - it was happening to us. The physical changes, the heartburn, the getting up to pee 4 times a night... that was all happening to me. But the scary stuff... that happened to us both. Some people might say that a woman becomes a mother from the moment she learns that she's pregnant, but that a man doesn't really become a father until the birth. That may be true for some men in some circumstances, I suppose, but not for my husband. He hasn't had the luxury of easing into this.
Expecting your first child together is a bonding experience no matter how you slice it. For us - as scary as it has been at times - this pregnancy has been so much more, and it has brought our relationship, our commitment and our love to a whole new level already. So, long story short, this Fathers Day was a pretty special celebration for us. It wasn't just a formality because he's "technically" a dad now... it was a celebration of the truly amazing father he has already become.
No comments:
Post a Comment