It seemed like forever...

...but I'm in a very happy pregnancy place these days :) First I thought I'd NEVER grow an impressive baby bump... then one day I had. Then I thought the 20-week sonogram would NEVER come... then it did. Then I thought I'd NEVER get to feel this baby move... and then I did. Then I thought Ben would NEVER get to feel him move... and then he did! As I've said before, pregnancy is like one big waiting game. And it's not an annoying kind of wait, like waiting for your clothes to dry, it's a DESPERATE kind of wait. Like waiting for a super-fun trip you've been planning for months, only 1000 times worse because baby stuff is 1000 times more exciting than anything you've ever anticipated before in your life.

And everyone tells you its going to fly, but it just doesn't... at least in my experience. Until now, that is. I'll say that the first 20 weeks did NOT, by any means, "fly by". I know that that has a lot to do with awaiting the anatomy sonogram, not to mention all of the angst that we dealt with during that time over the whole CF issue. It dragged on for what seemed like all 40 weeks. But these days, now that I've hit all of the milestones that I was most excited for, I seem to be relaxing and enjoying it all so much more (and we all know that "time flies when you're having fun")! I have much more energy than I did in the first trimester - they really weren't lying when they said that I'd suddenly feel human again at trimester two. I still get tired in the evenings but it's much easier to survive the work day, and that was - by far - the worst part of the first trimester exhaustion. I'm getting back to my normal activity level, cooking more, being more productive around the apartment and at work, and even blogging sometimes ;-]

The best part of this second trimester, however, has been bonding with my baby. I haven't gotten to snuggle him yet or hear his little voice, but being able to feel him so frequently now makes our relationship so much more real. Before I could feel him, my only reminder that I was pregnant was my growing belly and the few pregnancy symptoms I've had (namely the heartburn). So my brain knew that I was pregnant, and my body felt pregnant, but there was still some sort of disconnect... like it wasn't really real. I guess that feeling him move around is a constant reminder that there's a little person in there with a mind and will of his own. It's not just something going on with my body - there's a whole 'nother body in there doing its own thing! I used to feel kinda silly rubbing my belly or talking to him - even though I knew he was in there - because it still felt like I was just talking to myself. Now it's quite clear that whoever is in there is not "self" at all, it's definitely someone else entirely (as evidenced by the fact that I can't make him do anything that I want him to do - like move while Ben is trying to feel for him - no matter how hard I try)!

People always told me how neat it is to sort of have your own little secret going on inside you... to feel these movements that no one else is aware of unless you say something... and it is pretty amazing. It's just me and him... he's in there carrying on this silent conversation with me that no one else is aware of, unless I mention that he's moving around. But at the same time, being able to share that with Ben has made it so much sweeter.  In the beginning when I knew that his movements were far too subtle for anyone else to feel them from the outside, I still enjoyed being able to feel him myself but was just dying for Ben to be able to share in the experience of getting to know our son. I wanted it to start to feel more real to him the way it was feeling more real to me every day, and for him to know what it felt like to sort of "converse" with him. Now that we can share that together we're not only starting to bond with our son in a more concrete way, but it's an instant boost to our own bond as well. Watching my husband fall in love with our son just makes me fall in love with him all over again!

All in all, things are going great and we're truly enjoying this stage of our pregnancy. We're baby clothes shopping and thinking about nursery decor and not really worrying too much about the potential and existing health issues that are looming in the background. We still pray faithfully every day for healing for our little guy, and we know that our God is big enough to handle those prayer requests. Whatever is to come, He will prepare us for it and guide us through it. He has already brought us through some seriously difficult times in this pregnancy, and has shown us that His promises are real and enduring. If nothing else, bringing a child into the world will certainly stretch and grow your faith in amazing ways! It's a good thing, because I know that all of this is preparing me for the perpetual angst and worry that comes along with raising children once they're here ;-]