One Year

Marriage is a roller coaster. When you're engaged and people assure you that the first year of marriage is always the hardest, you quietly chuckle to yourself and think "How could this be true? We're so excited, we'll be newlyweds, everything will be perfect!" But once you've lived it, you may begin to see a little pearl of truth in that statement.

Everyone's first-year-of-marriage challenges will be different, but regardless of life circumstances, marriage is an adjustment. For one thing, your money suddenly isn't YOUR money anymore, and your spending suddenly affects someone else. There's this expectation of equity and fairness in how "extra" money is spent. It needn't be a huge bone of contention, but no matter how you slice it the first year of marriage inevitably brings up countless situations that force you to forge a new strategy, bit by bit, for handling finances between the two of you.

Then there is the melding of two families, and the priorities of each spouse when it comes to family time. When the holidays come around, there are double the people to make time to visit, and holiday traditions to be respected. Throughout the rest of the year, your weekends become a four-way struggle between "us" time, "friends" time, "his family" time and "her family" time. If you come from tight families and you live relatively close to them, and you're trying hard not to neglect your friends (no one wants to be "the boring married couple"), it becomes easy to let "us" time take a back seat. Not only is that unhealthy over the long run, but it can be downright exhausting at times! It's a tough balance, and it will take some time to figure out what sort of pattern you'll settle in to.

Marriage will teach you just how much you need God in your life, too. Your capacity for forgiveness, tolerance of another's values, and patience will all be tested beyond what you once believed were their limits. There are things that your spouse will want to buy or do that don't seem "worth" the expenditure to you (whether it be of time, money or both). There are hobbies that your spouse will pick up that seem trivial to you. There are days when your spouse will be caught up in his or her own troubles and stresses and you will feel ignored or unappreciated. Your spouse will even say and do things that just outright hurt you on occasion, because the more time you spend together, the more opportunities there will be for that sort of thing to happen. These same things will inevitably also apply to you from your spouse's perspective, whether you see it or not. The bottom line is that you will both choose to act out your promise and commitment of love every day. You will always forgive, you will always forget, you will always be patient, and you will always value the things that make your spouse happy whether you understand them or not. Because that's what you promised, and because the other 98% of the time gives you every reason in the world to feel the same way you felt back when you made that promise.

We often put on our happy faces for the world even when our home life isn't ideal - when we're going through "rough patches". I know I have. It's just what you have to do. But the first year of marriage really DOES have the potential to be the hardest, and it WILL surprise you and throw you for a loop now and again. It won't always be a bed of newlywed roses, despite what we "newlyweds" will tell you ;] Marriage is a challenge because it is meant to be - God uses marriage to propel each spouse ever closer to the image of Christ, as we learn the virtues of Christ in our daily interactions. There is no more effective way to learn and internalize these virtues than to commit your life to serving another human being in marriage, day in and day out. It's important for newlyweds to realize this fact when it does get hard... it doesn't mean that you married the wrong person, it just means that it's working. Change doesn't always feel good in the moment, but you are being molded into the man or woman that God wants you to be.

All that said... after a year of marriage, I find myself a SUPREMELY happy newlywed :] We really have been through a lot this year - more than most people know - and it has been anything but a walk in the park. But through the challenges, our bond has been solidified on such a deep level. We grew more this year as individuals and as a couple than any other year in the (nearly) 10 that we've been together. We are more in love now than we have ever been, because God used those challenges to yield an incredibly fruitful first year of marriage. When I look at my husband, I don't see the hard times. I see the hard-working provider who, despite his supreme distaste for mornings, gets up at 4am to work overtime when it's available. I see the selfless giver who scrubs the bathroom, mops the kitchen floor, does the dishes (every night) and vacuums because I'm studying for an exam and it needs to be done. I see a tired, stressed out guy after work who gets down on his hands and knees and cleans the litter box every day as soon as he gets in the door, because he doesn't want me to do it. I see the guy who won't let me get out of bed to get something I forgot once I'm there - he'll get it. I see the guy who won't let me carry one bag out of Target - he's got it. I see the comedian who leaves everyone in the room in stitches wherever he goes - the "life of the party" who, when he calls to say he can't make it, inspires other people to think twice about whether they even want to go anymore (that always makes me laugh, and I'm not kidding either!). I see the warm, funny, outgoing, confident, giving, loving, caring guy who inspires so much respect and love in me that my measly body can barely contain it all. The guy who brought me these, the day BEFORE our anniversary :]

Marriage to a guy like that will give you a short memory for the "rough patches", because the other 98% of the time, he's all you ever dreamed of. Happy Anniversary babe <3